Can Love happen Twice ? ( On Hold )

Truth - Chapter 34

I didn't fall in love with you.. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along but I also believe in fate and destiny, but I believe we are only fated to to the things that we'd chose anyway.. And I'd choose you in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality.. I'd find you and I'd choose you...!!!! ❤️

************

*NOT EDITED*

My mind kept screaming at me.

This is Wrong !!! Don't do it. Stop.!!!

I was in no mood of stopping. It was a relief. As stupid as it sounds it helped me. The external pain somehow dulled my internal pain. Seeing the lines on my hand as blood oozed out of it made me smile.

I have not done anything to deserve all this. Why did people whom I love or cared about always betray me and leave me ? Tears welled in my eyes again. I sliced the blade on my skin again. Wincing a little but getting accustomed to it.

I am a pathetic person. A very very pathetic person. I never thought I would be the one to self harm myself but this helps. It actually does. All the pain and hurt vanishes with each stroke I make with the blade on my skin.

"Tori are you in there?" I hear Jay calling and I instantly start freaking out.

What if he comes to know ? No No No he can't know about this. No one can know about this.

"Ye..yes." I stammer like a fool.

"Are you okay sunshine ?" He sounds concerned.

No I can't tell him anything. I can't. I have to be strong.

As if you're being strong by harming you're self.

Ignoring the stupid thought in my mind I replied "I'm fine Jay. I just want to be alone."

"I understand baby girl but I came up to call you for dinner. It's been an hour since Cole left. Is everything okay ?" As much as I love my brother I do not want to have this conversation at the moment.

"Yep now leave Jay." I heard him sigh and then heard this footsteps fade.

Shedding my clothes I decided to take a bath. Thinking that it will somehow wash away all the pain and hurt. Instead it hurt me even more as soon as I stepped in the shower.

Hot water cascading down the open wounds on my hand. It burned. Tears stung to my eyes once again but I had done enough of crying in last month to last a lifetime. I did not even have the energy to cry.

My body was on autopilot mode. Grabbing the shampoo I washed my hair and conditioned it. I washed my body with a body wash but I did all this automatically. My mind was blank as throughout the shower I stared at the wall in front of me without any expression. Without any feelings. I felt like I was already dead.

Wrapping a towel on my body I stepped out of the shower and winced when I saw the broken girl in the mirror. A girl who always trusted people so much without thinking about anything. Deciding on not to dwell on it too much I quickly changed into my sweatshirt and sweatpants.

Lying on the bed I kept turning and tossing till an early hour and finally my mind decided to shut up and I fell asleep.

Wincing as soon as the sunlight fell upon me I mentally slapped myself for not shutting the curtains the night before. Taking a look at the watch I realised it was 9am already and I had my first class at 10am.

I stepped out of the bed and after getting my business done I walked in my closet to search something to wear. Feeling more empty than last night. I did not feel like taking too much effort in getting ready. As it is I did not have a lift to college today I would have to take the bus or something.