Peace On My Chaos

Kabanata 10

When was the last time I became competitive and participative in a certain activity at school?

It was still six in the morning and I'm already scrolling down the messages from our group chat. I slept early last night because my classes took my whole day and I'm beyond exhausted.

Physically, mentally, I felt so drained.

Hanggang backread na lang ang kaya ko dahil kagabi pa naganap ang pag-uusap ng mga kaibigan ko. At isa pa, wala naman akong mai-aambag sa topic nila kung sakaling online pa ako bandang alas-onse kagabi.

They were sharing their workloads or ranting about how hectic their schedule are. Aside from our course, may mga school organization pa silang hina-handle. Some of them were members of USC, officer of SAS Department or Editors of a certain publication.

While my friends are occupied with their other responsibilities, I on the other hand, stuck in my own nut shell.

Umahon na ako sa pagkakahiga at sumandal sa headboard ng kama.

Last year I became a member of University's Publication Team. I love expressing my thoughts over that platform. Circumstances happened, I can no longer keep up with my responsibilities in that field.

I long for that feeling of being active at school activities. But for now, I have other priorities. Kung katulad lang sana dati na hindi hati ang oras ko sa pag-aaral, maybe I could keep up with their pace.

In life, we desire a lot of things. Ang dami nating gustong ilaban. Ang dami nating gustong patunayan.

I turned off my phone's data and got up from my bed. I fixed my blanket together with my pillows so it would look organize. My room was still dimmed because I haven't open the window. I'm not also fond of turning on the lights after I woke up, masakit sa mata. Hinawi ko lang ang kurtina at sumilip sa labas.

The day had already started. I can see the sun rays seeping through the glass as it tries to keep in touch with my face.

New day but just another phase of survival.

I have to remind myself again that life is a choice. That I don't have to feel outcast for choosing my own pace, for choosing what can make me happy and contented. Because dissapointment weighs more than contentment if things didn't go according to what you have expected.

I'm choosing my battle where I know I can fairly win.

Nagsimula na akong asikasuhin ang mga dapat kong gawin bago sumapit ang alas-nuebe. Today is Wednesday after eight days when second semester had started. I have seen and scanned our upcoming topics and lessons to be discuss and I won't deny that the last sem of my second year journey won't be easy as one-two-three.

I made a list of my requirements even some of it were scheduled for finals. One of my professor told us to brace ourselves, so I'll come prepared.

"Uuwi ka ba or sa apartment ang tuloy mo?"

Napa-angat ako ng tingin kay mama matapos ang tanong niya. Napaisip ako saglit kung ano nga ba ang dapat gawin.

Aalis ako bukas para pumunta ng Banga. May plano kami ng mga college friends ko na gumawa ng video sa subject na PE. We need to do it as early as possible because it's a group project and all of us were still available as of the moment.

"Depende pa sa phase ng group work bukas ma."

Baka nga hindi namin agad matatapos since tomorrow will be the first time we will meet face to face again after months of virtual class.

I finished my breakfast and cleaned the kitchen sink as well because my parents will have to go to sentro. I went back to my room and quickly picked my phone from the bed to send a message kay mama. I forgot to tell her na bumili ng pizza kila Brielle. I'm craving.