Traveler's Blessing

Chapter 2: Two Sides of the Same Coin

In TonDC war room, Costia smiles and rushes in to hug her faux Seda, "We meet again." A warmth washes over Indra. A friendship over two lifetimes can do that for you, especially when you can remember all the things that will or had happened. Even if this old friend looks like a young Costia.

"Indeed. Do you remember more now that you are older? Gaia certainly did." Indra moves to sit down so she can be at Costia's eye level. Costia is a bit over ten years old but still has a height of an eight-year-old. Perhaps Indra was too rash. When she found out who Costia was, her protective instinct immediately kicked in and announced Costia as her Second. However you look, Indra is not sure she can make Costia a warrior. Her reputation in this lifetime is going to be at stake.

"It comes in pieces. I am reaching an age where things make sense, and I know I wasn't just dreaming. I can think ... critically think when I concentrate." Costia said thoughtfully. "Life as Costia is different ... like it is the first time I'm experiencing it when I know I have been Costia before. Perhaps it is because it is Clarke that did not transcend, not me as Costia."

"You are she. She is you." Indra sighs. As self-aware souls, they know that they cannot reincarnate into someone who they were not. Costia and Clarke always possess the same soul, even though they are different people. Indra became aware of it when she chose the warrior's path, to be Indra again, that their's are not bound by time or space, only who they once were or will ever be. Clarke will always be Costia, and Costia will always be Clarke.

"Yes, I am both. It took me by surprise too. The moment I reincarnated," Costia adds, "The knowledge that I am Costia this cycle, and who I will be in the next. What makes this time different is I feel like I am Clarke because of the memories I possess."

"That should pass once you settle in as Costia." Indra had hoped that she can spare Lexa from the pain of losing her first love, but Costia must be lost in every lifetime to make way for Clarke. Like a coin with two sides, the tail will never meet the head. So it is literally impossible for Costia to live and meet herself as Clarke. Her paths will never converge. Creation forbids it and works against such crossing from ever happening. The souls of Indra and Clarke understand this as intuitively as breathing. They also know that if the two sides meet, the coin will no longer be a coin, and the soul will no longer be a soul, and Clarke and Costia will cease to exist. Therefore, most souls do what they must to protect themselves and flow with the cosmic tide, not against it. To reincarnate only once within the same timeline and avoid potential soul-crushing disaster.

But Clarke is different from other souls, always doing things the hard way. All souls travel for a purpose. Some travel for their soulmates, for knowledge, to undo mistakes, or relive their happiest moments. Hers is to be reunited with Lexa, her soulmate. Maybe it is because Costia dies, and Clarke returns so she can be with her love again. Or because Lexa dies, and Costia returns for a happier time. Removed from time and space, it is a chicken-and-egg paradox. Did Costia come first, or did Clarke? There is one question Indra needs to know, "How can you be sure it is Costia that dies before you arrive as Clarke? And not the other way around? That you live and your next life as Clarke dies before reaching the ground?"

"Of all the lifetimes I live through, I always die as Costia. That much is obvious, or else I wouldn't be here. The soul possesses instincts and knowledge not tied to our bodies. I do not know how I know. Being here physically is ..." Costia searches for the right word, "limiting."

"We are bound to our bodies until we die to be reborn again. Regardless, this is inevitable, Indra. I cannot just plug myself out of the cosmic cycle. I have a purpose here, and I intend to fulfill it. And when the time comes, Clarke will take my place." Costia pauses to reflect on her own statement. It is strange to talk about her death and herself like she is someone else.

Do you ever talk about anything other than your death?

A memory slips into Costia's mind. She can't help but draw parallels. Lexa talks about her death because she believes her spirit will live on. Similar to Indra and her talking about their souls. The difference is not only will they live on, but they will also remember for perpetuity.

Indra chews on the thought. History does tend to repeat itself. For Indra, this is the second life since she started to remember. She had attempted to thwart the death of her husband, but her efforts were still futile. Indra looks at her friend, now trapped on Earth as young Costia. Knowing when Costia dies, she will be in space as Clarke. Actually, Clarke is already on the Ark; they are not limited by time or space. Indra is convinced this is why Clarke has an old soul. She lived twice when most lived once. Indra sighs, "Well, I don't like it. Let's avoid your last last life's torture and beheading. Your training starts tomorrow; maybe training as a warrior instead of being a Fisa, we can at least give you a good death this time around."

Costia is not looking forward to it. If she can help it, she wants to avoid violence altogether. That is something her soul desperately wants. Why she is a Fisa in her previous life as Costia and a medical trainee as Clarke. But death follows her soul, and she cannot escape it. There is one thing to celebrate. Being in Indra's unit means she will see Lexa soon. Lexa will become the Commander in about two years. To help secure the young Heda's rein, Indra's unit will be called to the capital to protect her with a group of guards-in-training. Indra also told her that Costia went to Polis as the court's youngest healer in her previous life. This life, she will go with Indra as her Second. Costia's stomach turns at the thought. Does Lexa recall their encounter at Bowie? When she helped apply a soothing cream on Lexa's bruised knuckles after she fought off Costia's bullies? Costia would have talked herself out of trouble without Lexa's help but couldn't help but cry when she realized who was defending her. What if Lexa does not remember? No. Imprints on souls are not easily forgotten.

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Abby ran into the room when she heard Clarke screaming and sobbing in the middle of the night. She runs over and embraces her crying daughter. "Shhhh, mommy is here. Shhhh, it's ok." Abby sighs as she rocks Clarke in her embrace. Most children get over their night terror by four years old, but her baby girl still has these episodes, with increased frequency.

In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passages on your travels, until our final journey to the ground. Goodbye Jackson, may we meet again...

Death is not the end. We will meet again ... Lexa

"Clarke, you want to tell mommy what you are dreaming about?" Abby presses a kiss on her daughter's forehead.

"No, I ... can't remember." Clarke sniffles as she clings onto Abby, letting her name, Clarke, sinks in.

"Ok, honey. Let's go back to sleep." Abby pulls the blanket up and started to tuck Clarke in.

Clarke slowly closes her eyes. Her eyelids are heavy from all the memories floating to the surface. This is her third life? It must be. All the memory as Clarke and Costia makes it hard for her to discern where or rather when she is? She makes a mental note to talk to the older boy Jackson tomorrow. She is starting to understand why he has shown such interest in befriending her and the other boy ... Miller, is it? That is, if she remembers, her young brain tends to get distracted easily.