Skulduggery Pleasant Shorts

Torture

Note

Hello hello, I'm back! I don't think anyone will remember me or be particularly interested, but I used to write a lot on ffn before I moved a few of my stories here. Decided to pay a wee visit for nostalgic purposes and felt inspired to re-write some old pieces (and maybe even some new ones, depending on how it goes). Given that nearly 5 years have passed I'm hoping these will be a little better than before! Anyhoo, thanks for reading!

Synopsis

Valkyrie has been captured by a wealthy mortal family who have learned about magic and want to use it to their advantage. She chats with her captor while waiting for Skulduggery to come to the rescue. I orginally wrote this when Phase 1 had ended and Phase 2 hadn't began (hence China's status as Grand Mage being mentioned).

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Valkyrie stood up as the man in the robe walked in.

The room they occupied was dark and cold. She suspected it had once been an actual dungeon - it was certainly creepy enough - though the boxes marked 'FOR CHARITY' in the far corner made the place a little less menacing. It almost annoyed her that her captors hadn't put any more effort into making her torture venue more torture appropriate.

"Hi," she said, smiling as though she was meeting an old friend.

The man in the robe did not smile back. Valkyrie decided to give him the benefit of the doubt as he placed the bag he carried onto a small table. Maybe he was having a bad day.

"Nice bag."

The man looked at her again, but no response came. She considered the possibility that he was trying to be intimidating, then a better look at his face made her firmly decide that he was not that. The cold light from the singular lightbulb in the room cast angular shadows across his face - all of which would have been pretty daunting had said face not been so round and flushed. No, Valkyrie came to the conclusion that he was probably sulking. He looked back down at the bag and unzipped it, slowly.

She sighed impatiently. This was clearly going to take a while. "What's your name?" she asked.

The man muttered something.

"Sorry?" She took a step towards him. As she did so, the chains securing her to the pipe on the wall rattled behind her. Scattered along the pipe were small binding symbols, which glowed slightly each time she moved. She didn't know how her captors had known about these symbols, given that they were mortals. Sure, the decor might have been lame, but the security wasn't.

A hesitation, a sigh, and the man turned. "My name," he said, puffing out his chest, "is Infinity Lord, Destroyer of Men."

She looked at him for a moment, unsure as to whether or not he was joking. He didn't seem the type. "Hi Infinity Lord Destroyer of Men, I'm Valkyrie."

"I know," he snapped. His voice was weedy. Infinity Lord Destroyer of Men turned back to the bag and began pulling out equipment.

"Infinity Lord Destroyer of Men?"

"Don't talk."

"Infinity Lord Destroyer of Men?"

"I said don't talk."

"Infinity Lord Destroyer of Men?"

He whipped around again, brandishing a set of floral garden shears. "What?" he shrieked.

"Your name's silly." Infinity Lord Destroyer of Men looked annoyed and Valkyrie widened her eyes in shock. "Oh," she said, "I'm so sorry! Did I offend you? I didn't mean to, I promise. I just felt that I had to tell you because... well... if you're going to be taking all my magic and using it for yourself like your folks said they would, the other sorcerers aren't going to like you very much with a name like that."