Twisted Minds [h.s]

F I F T Y N I N E

As I sit in the passenger seat in silence, I give up hope on attempting to get out of the car.

There's no point.

I see a big sign not that far ahead, that has blue and white checkers and reads in bold letters 'Police'.

The only thing I feel in this moment is fucking stress and panic.

I look over at the lady driving, but she's keeping her eyes glued on the road ahead.

What do I do?

What the fuck do I do?!

Anxiety builds in me. My heart relentlessly pounds against my chest cavity and I feel my hands become disgustingly clammy.

And then it happens.

The feeling that comes every so often.

The feeling of uncontrollable rage where I know what I'm doing, but I can't not do it.

Its like I'm disconnecting from my own body.

The numbness washes over me as we pull into the car park of the police station.

The emotions flood out of what feels like, every, single, individual pore in my skin, as she finally puts the car in park. I feel her eyes burning into the side of my face.

I stare straight ahead.

My eyes blur, not with tears, but with lack of focus.

This is not me anymore.

I don't know why this keeps happening to me. This is what happened when I almost killed Harry. This is what happened when I slit that mans throat.

This is not me anymore.

"I'm going to unlock this car door. Please don't try to run, I want to help you." She murmurs in reassurance and an attempt of comfort.

I don't care.

As soon as I hear the small click, signalling the car doors have been unlocked, I immediately swing open the door.

She grabs my arm and I snap my head over to look at her.

"Please." Her eyes are sad. Her tone is pleading.

She is just so fucking desperate to save someone she doesn't know.

That's too bad.

I shrug my arm harshly out of her grip, and pull up the bottom of my pyjama top to show the gun poking out of my waistband.

Her mouth parts open slightly as her whole body tenses up.

I kiss my teeth, and shake my head.

"Let me fucking go. I am not asking you." I mutter, tilting my head ever so slightly in warning.

She visibly gulps before nodding her head.

"You didn't see me. You didn't see anything. You need to mind your business." I continue bitterly, before I drop my shirt to cover the gun, and get out of the car.

I walk away from the police station, and listen as her car soon drives off from behind me.

Good.

My body finally doesn't hurt anymore. All I feel is numb. As my bare feet scrape along the rough ground, as my open cuts and bruised arms are left untreated, as my scraped face and bloodied lip has the wind hitting against it, it simply feels like nothing. Not a thing.

(Play the song attached now)

Aimlessly, I walk along the side of the road. Cars drive past me and honk, some people pull over and ask me if I need help.