Twisted Minds [h.s]

S I X T Y T W O

Thank you guys so much for 30k reads!! You guys are insane, I was only expecting like 3 or 4 LMAO but I rlly truly appreciate it sm. I hope u guys r enjoying so far <3 sm love mwah mwah mwah

It's only gonna get crazier from here hehe

Sophie Grayson

I remember being told once 'When you are not fed love on a silver spoon, you learn to lick it off knives', and to be honest, I never really understood what that meant until this very moment.

Life wasn't ever really difficult for me. School was a breeze, work was something I enjoyed due to the passion I had behind it, even the drama that came from my parents wasn't unbearable for me to handle. I can confidently say that I've had a pretty privileged life..

Until now of course.

I guess it was because I never compared my life to others. I never looked at the way my friends parents treated them and wished my parents treated me the same. I never looked at people in relationships and wished it was me being held and adored that way.

I was simply content with what I had, and never felt the desire for more.

But now I've realised, I wasn't given what I needed in order to be a stable human being. It's probably why I am the way I am today. I was never loved easily, or treated with compassion by the people who should be treating me that way. I never had a real partner or good stable relationships in my life. I was never loved the way I should've been, and it's only really hit me now because of him.

I'm aware of the fact he doesn't love me. We haven't established anything between us like that and I doubt we ever would. I mean this stockholm syndrome is bad enough. But he makes me feel things I've never felt. He makes me feel danger in my being and a rush in my soul.

When you are not fed love on a silver spoon, you learn to lick it off knives.

You learn to find that love in the most dangerous ways possible; so long as you're getting it and feeding that craving.

You find that validation and that appreciation in the forms that are furthest from predictable.

And so here I am, licking that love off a knife. And god, I love the fucking taste of it.

It's perfectly bittersweet.

I've come to the conclusion that Harry isn't looking to find me. I've come to the conclusion that that band is most probably relieved to get me off their backs. I don't care though. Maybe I would've if I didn't feel completely disconnected from myself, but I do, so I don't care.

I found a small, rural motel and have claimed this as my home for the meantime.

I did plan on staying here for awhile to make it easier for Harry to find me, but no point waiting for someone who's most definitely not coming.

It's been a week.

A whole fucking week.

I should've just let that lady bring me to the cops. Maybe then I wouldn't stink so fucking bad right now and wouldn't be constantly starving.

I have cuts and scrapes that are now infected, and who knows how long until the infection gets into my bloodstream and becomes something extreme that could've been completely avoidable.

I attempted to use the showers in this motel room, but lets just say, that water would've only make me ten times dirtier.

Laying on the stiff, old smelling bed, I stare at the water damaged ceiling.