Hange Zoe Short Story Collection

Yellow (Part 5)

"Do you know...you know I love you so, you know I love you so?"

Days passed by, and it seemed as if Hange's exposure therapy tactic was quite effective. At first, they let her stand a few feet away from the titans, letting her gaze at their hideous faces. Her eyes had traced the titan's features, wincing as she observed their blunt teeth. Her heart would beat at an escalated rate, leaving her occasionally breathless from anxiety. Her hands would tremble, and her forehead would grow sweaty the longer she stood near the titans. In the beginning, her fear towards the titans was quite obvious—it was written on her face that (Y/N) was petrified of the creatures. Hange, of course, was able to read the signs of her fear and would place a hand on her lower back, silently encouraging her. They would bring books from the library, reading her more about the biology and history of titans, hoping that knowledge would reduce her fear of the unknown.

Hange, albeit swamped with their role as a section commander, went above and beyond to help (Y/N)'s fear. They researched about conquering fear on the side, sliding her tips that could help her stand brave in the face of titans. Eventually, things got better for (Y/N). Instead of trembling violently, she was able to gaze at the titans with a stoic expression. Instead of begging not to go any closer, she had even managed to place her hand against Sawney's forehead. Hange cheered for her, encouraged her loudly, even hugged her when she walked up to the titans all by herself.

It seemed as if (Y/N)'s fear had died down a bit. She wasn't sure if it was because she had gotten acclimated to Sawney and Bean's presence, or if she truly wasn't as fearful of the beasts as she used to. Whenever she faced a titan, she didn't think about the events of four years ago, she didn't think about the bloodbath she had witnessed or the screams that would never leave her memories...she thought about Hange's words of encouragement, the sparkle in their eyes whenever she made them proud. New memories of pride, and the desire to make Hange happy, muddled with her traumatizing past. It was truly confusing.

"I'm so proud of you," Hange beamed as they finished jotting the last of their notes. "You've gotten so far! I find it very amazing how in such a short time, you were able to combat one of your greatest fears! Not everyone is able to do that."

"Thanks," (Y/N) murmured as she stared at the dirt ground. While Hange had been able to successfully help her, she hadn't been able to help them in return. It seemed as if Hange's naïve excitement and curiosity were here to stay. In a way, that was a good thing. Throughout the past few weeks, she had gotten to spend a lot of time with them. Their passionate expressions and little noises of excitement brought an unfamiliar warmth to her heart. As she watched them go through emotions that she'd never feel, all she wanted was to protect their naivety...even if she didn't agree with it.

"Do you think you'll be able to participate in the upcoming mission?" Hange asked as they turned to her, their voice growing solemn. "It's nothing big, honestly...just a continuation of the clean up of Trost before we usher all the citizens back to their homes."

"I..." (Y/N) trailed off, debating whether or not she was strong enough to do so. This is the reason why you joined the corps, remember? Atone for living by helping others. "Yes. Yes, I believe I will be able to, Section Commander."

"Great!" Hange cheered. "I'll be nearby the entire time, alright? I have faith in you, dear."

Faith. Hope. Passion. Dreams. Hange seemed to radiate with all of these positive emotions, their presence practically emitting a golden aura. Of course, Hange wasn't completely innocent or pure...they had a one-track mind and would do anything to carry out their experiments (which were a bit gruesome and sadistic at times). Their anger also beat Levi and Erwin's, and no one wanted to be subject to their fury. But on most days, being around them was like being in the sun. (Y/N) could bask in their warm sun rays, soak in all of the positive energy...it was a pleasant change from the despair she saw on a daily basis.