Hange Zoe Short Story Collection

Yellow (Part 8)

"Do you know for you, I'd bleed myself dry? For you, I'd bleed myself dry..."

As the years passed, Hange's once radiant demeanor was fading. They were growing tired, exhausted from their responsibilities. Their eyes didn't sparkle anymore. They smiled less and less. Their shoulders were slumped most of the time. It worried (Y/N) greatly.

"Commander, please take a break," (Y/N) pleaded, trying to get Hange to stop working. They had been bent over their desk, scribbling away for the past four hours. They hadn't eaten anything; they hadn't even slept last night. All they did was paperwork; they didn't even experiment or create inventions anymore.

"Can't," Hange mumbled. "Due tomorrow."

"If you're not in good health, you won't be able to do good work," (Y/N) tried reasoning. "Come eat with me, the mess hall is serving squash soup today and—"

"Please, (Y/N)," Hange sighed. "I need to work, go do something else."

(Y/N) deflated. She knew that Hange missed Moblit and Erwin greatly. They probably thought of Moblit every time they looked at her since she was now filling their position. She saw the way their fingers traced the worn leather cover of Moblit's old sketchbooks. She saw the look of yearning as they flipped through the pages. Moblit had kept Hange together, he had persuaded them to bathe, eat, sleep...he had been their lifeline. They had relied on him greatly, hadn't they?

(Y/N) couldn't step in those shoes. Try as she might, she could never replace Moblit. A few years ago, Hange had reached out and pulled her out of a cavern of darkness. Their radiance had brightened her days, had given her a purpose and all she wanted was to return that favor. But it was getting difficult. Hange wasn't the same Hange anymore. Being the commander had taken a huge told out of them and they were unable to do what they desired.

"Hey, why don't we go over the designs for the latest weapon Levi had mentioned would be useful?" (Y/N) tried once more.

"No thanks," Hange looked up and met (Y/N)'s gaze, their once warm and lively eyes dull. They were tied and it was evident.

(Y/N) pulled out a chair and took a seat, silently sitting next to them. Hange raised an eyebrow, silently questioning as to why she hadn't left yet.

"I'll just stay with you," (Y/N) said softly.

That caused Hange's lips to upturn a little, giving the smallest of smiles. "Alright, but you'll get bored just sitting there."

(Y/N) didn't respond, only given them a smile in return. She never got bored in Hange's presence. In fact, being besides them made her calm. It soothed the chattering in her brain and slowed the beating of her heart. She loved staring at them, she loved tracing their features with her eyes as if she were creating a portrait of them in her mind. Hange had become her everything, the one her heart was entwined with.

But she knew she couldn't get close.

The way things were going, the future plans that involve attacking Marley, the burdens on Hange's shoulders, the dangers that came with living...it didn't seem as if any of the scouts had been guaranteed a long life. But she didn't care. Her heart still persisted, reminding her with every beat that she was alive solely because of the once vibrant but now dull commander.

~~~~~~~~

Sasha had died. She had been shot, mere moments away from victory. The news had rattled everyone on the airship, and everyone was full of sorrow, mourning the loss of one of their best soldiers. Sasha's close friends had been heavily affected, and (Y/N) found her heart hanging heavy in her chest as well. Sasha had been a great soldier. Hange had been impacted greatly too. They had felt responsible for Sasha, had blamed themselves for her death. Why hadn't they made sure that there were no intruders? Why hadn't they been able to stop Eren? Why hadn't they been able to go through with the alliance?