Déjà Vu Finchel

Chapter 35

Rachel's POV

No one ever prepares you for death, especially your child's. I thought Finn being in the coma was the worst thing that I would go through but I was wrong. Losing Noah is the worst thing I will ever go through.

After being told about Noah, I wanted to leave the hospital as soon as I could. I didn't want to be in the place where my son died. It didn't feel right, and I'm sure it never will.

We've been home for a few days now and I haven't left my bed. I have no energy. The continuous tears drained out of my body, taking all of my energy with them.

Looking back I regret thinking I wasn't ready for this pregnancy because all I want right now is my son. But I can't. He's gone and he's never coming back.

"Rach..?" I hear Finn knock on the door, stopping me from picking at my pyjama top.

I watch as he opens the door and slowly makes his way over to me. "All of your friends are coming over soon. Do you want to get changed?". I look at him confused. Noah only died a few days ago and he thinks I'm ok enough to have a social gathering?!.

I'm sure Finn could read my mind and he begins to explain his actions. "They wanted to see how you were.." He explains softly. "I thought it would cheer you up" He adds.

Maybe he is right.

Finn's POV

Leaving our bedroom I go downstairs and open the front door to reveal all of Rachel's closest friends. Tina, Santana, Brittany, Mercedes and Troian.

Welcoming them all inside, they all send me sympathetic smiles.

Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

Rachel's POV

I came down the stairs to see all of my friends sat on the sofa waiting for me. I look up to see them all smiling. I make my way down to the sofa and sit between Brittany and Santana.

Troian walks up to the DVD player and puts in 'GBF'.

-After the movie-

Everyone's attention towards the movie begins to fade as the credits begin to roll. I feel sympathetic looks being given in my direction.

Breaking the silence, Tina begins to speak. "I'm so sorry Rachel.. I hope-".
Before she could carry on I interrupt her. "You know what they say about hope, it breeds eternal misery"

And that's what I'll have. Eternal misery. Because I won't have my son by my side. That's when they all go truly silent. I don't want sympathy. I want my son.

Finn's POV

It's been a few hours since I've heard all of Rachel's friends leave. I really hope everything went okay.

I'm just about to go find Rachel and ask how it went when my phone begins to vibrate signalising a phone call. Clicking the green button a unrecognisable voice begins to talk.

"Hello, is this Mr Finn Hudson?" I hear.

"Yes it is, may I ask who are you?" I reply.

"I'm Kieran Smith, I'm the funeral director who was asked to contact you by Ohio Hospital"

Rachel's POV

Knocking me out of my silence I hear Finn walk into the lounge. I can't believe he'd think I'd be ready. I watch out of the corner of my eye as he grabs a beer from the fridge aggressively.

"How'd it go?" I hear him ask. I'm not in the mood to talk. "Rachel talk to me!" Finn shouts at me. He's never shouted at me like that before.

Maybe it's time for us both to get out our trapped emotions.

"What do you want me to say? My child is dead Finn.. He's gone, I'm aloud to be like this" I scream back. It's as if he expects me to be fine. I'm not him, I'm struggling to deal with it.

Out of no Finn aggressively throws his half full beer bottle on the floor and we watch as it shatters into a million pieces.

"You don't think I feel shit? You don't think I feel like my world has come crashing down around me? you don't think I just want to crawl up into a ball and cry my eyes out? Well I do! He was my son too, not just yours!" Finn shouts, but his voice fading at the end.

"Finn, I-" I'm stunned. I've been kidding myself thinking I'm the only one who's been affected by our loss. I begin to make my way towards Finn to try and comfort him but he pushes me away lightly.

"I just had the funeral director on the phone asking me when we wanted to start planning his funeral, I'm not going through this alone, we are in this together whether you like it or not"

I was stupid to think I was the only on in pain.

"I never got to do anything I dreamed of doing with him, teaching him how to ride his bike, playing football in the park together, he was my son too"

And that's when Finn for the first time fully breaks down. I witness him getting out all of his trapped emotions.

I slowly walk up towards him and let him collapse into me. We are in this together.