John Hughes Movie

Chapter 13

Lara Jean

What the fuck just happened?

I plopped down on my bed with a huff. My soft, pillow filled bed where Peter was casually sitting just hours ago. Now feeling as empty as I did inside. I already missed him. What the hell did I do?

Everything was going perfect. Better than perfect. Peter took me on the best date a girl could ask for. He was sweet and attentive. He was passionate and patient. I felt a bolt of electricity race through me when he kissed me outside my door. God. What. A. Kiss!

Kissing him felt like I was levitating. My feet & soul fully off the ground. The rest of the world faded away when he cupped my face in his hands. His lips had the ability to moderate between soft and firm. It was like he had a kissing super power. I was so dazed by the first one, I needed more and invited him in.

He looked so sweet when he was nervous sitting on the couch. I saw him stealing glances at me and rubbing his hands on his pants, something I had done earlier in the night to calm my nerves. Sometimes it felt like we were the same soul just put into two different bodies. Maybe we were meant to find each other. I poured us wine, but I knew we wouldn't be drinking it. I was just dying to get my lips back to his.

But then I fucked it up. I got a text from the other boy. With a simple what up? my head became a topsy turvy head spin. This was supposed to be a practice date for John after all. But after the way the night was going, I was hoping I was wrong and that everything Chris told me was right. Maybe he actually liked me and wanted something? But when I asked what he wanted to do, he gave me nothing. I couldn't process anything. My feelings, what he meant, if I even had feelings for John in the first place. Ugh. My mind raged with the worst of my thoughts. He hates you. He feels bad for you. There is no way he could love you.

I freaked. I've gotten so used to dealing with shit by myself that my first instinct was to be alone to work it out in my head. I told him to leave. Not in anger at him, in anger at myself. Why can't I be one of those people who goes with the flow and lets the world take you where it wants? I was the over thinker, always getting myself more worked up & confused than anything.

I raced to the door the moment he left. I wanted to run after him, tell him to just tell me how he feels. But I was too afraid if it was bad. What if he really thought this was still all pretend? I don't know if I could ever get over that heartbreak.

When our make out session started to turn heavy, I could feel he was enjoying it. But was he enjoying it because of me, or was he enjoying it because he just got out of the longest relationship of all time and was just excited to make out with someone new?

I end up plopping down on my bed, watching the ceiling fan go round and round and wondering what he was thinking about. The regret set in and tears formed in my eyes. I really like Peter. This was the first time I really cared if I messed things up with a boy. I knew Peter wouldn't think bad of me for making him stop. I knew Peter would forgive me for sending him home. I just hoped he would forgive me for misinterpreting any feelings he had towards me. I needed to talk to him tomorrow. Class couldn't come soon enough.

I got to class so early I had to wait outside while the previous class finished. My foot tapped in anticipation to see him. I needed him to forgive me. I needed to look into his eyes and know everything would be okay. He was one of the few people who could do that with me.

I went into the classroom and took our normal seats, leaving the one on the aisle for him. I took out my notebook and began to doodle. Scratching on the lined paper at least gave my mind something else to concentrate on.