John Hughes Movie

Chapter 27

Peter

I can't believe she actually just walked out the door. I stood there deflated until I heard it click. This wasn't actually happening. I slapped my face to confirm this must be a dream, but fuck was I wrong. I felt my heart drop. I was suddenly unsteady, like a baby deer. My mind went to a blank white and I felt like I was about to pass out. I backed up against the wall and slid down to the floor.

A mix of anger and sadness took over. My entire body felt red with anger but tears were clouding my eyes. Why couldn't she just give it a fucking rest? I let her be her true self, why couldn't she let me? Fuck this. She will never understand. No one can and that's why I'll probably end up on my own. No one wants to be in this kind of shit if they can avoid it.

I should have told her to go the other night when we saw him. Bringing anyone into some fucked up shit like this wasn't fair. When I started dating Gen, my dad had just left again. I knew there was no hope for him to come back into my life so I never had to worry about it. I know my mom had seen him in the past few years, but not me. But that was also the difference with Gen, she was fine to keep her head in the sand and not worry about the craziness. I had to prompt to talk about my feelings always. She didn't feel things like Lara Jean. She didn't care about others the way Lara Jean did.

For a moment, my heart takes over. God, I loved her so much. Why the fuck did I let her walk out? I'm so fucking annoyed that she couldn't let it go, but it's also one of the things I love most about her. I love that she has a heart for the people she loves. Why can't I take it in that she was just trying to do the same for me? Probably because I don't feel like I deserve it. Probably don't feel like I deserve her. But when she left, I felt a part of me leave with her.

I hated that we fought. I hate that she was mad at me for not being open with her. I was able to tell her every detail about myself. The good, the bad, and the utterly embarrassing. My horrible first kiss story, the Spice Girls dance routines that my cousin made us learn the summer I turned five, how I was terrified of dragonflies until I was ten. Everything. Just not this. Why was there such a block with this?

I mean every couple fights and has arguments, but I think I really fucked this one up. As much as I wanted to blame her, I knew if I just met her in the middle all of this could be avoided. But we were both stubborn and that made us hellbent to mess something up.

But she wasn't selfish like I told her she was. She didn't make it all about her. I said it because I knew it would hurt and get the conversation to stop. I hated that I knew her weak points and exploited them. She deserves someone better than that. She had been trying too hard to be there for me and I was keeping her at a distance. We both weren't perfect about it. How could we be? This was our first real disagreement.

A pang in my heart lifted me off the ground. I could be frustrated at the situation, but I didn't want her thinking it was about her. I went to my bedroom door and took a deep breath. What would I even say to her? I would swallow my pride and say I'm sorry. I was genuinely sorry for yelling and getting heated at her. That's not the kind of person I am. Apologizing wouldn't take anything we said away, but it would prove that I regretted it and would better. I'd hold her for a while and our heartbeats would sync up. I'd calm down with my arms around her and I would share. Maybe not everything, but enough for her to stay. Enough for her to know I'm trying. Enough to make her still be in love with me. I popped open the white bedroom door and didn't see her at the bottom of the stairs. All I heard was the closing of the front door. Shit. I missed her. She was really leaving.

I ran over to my window which overlooked the street. The breath left my lungs when I saw what was happening outside. I swore I was just tired and seeing things, but then I slapped my legs and realized this was all a cruel joke. John, one of my best friends, was wrapped around Lara Jean. Her head was leaned on his chest, looking more comfortable than they should be. WHAT. THE. FUCK.