"I won't give up on life because you taught me to be fearless. Therefore, I'm going to protect you even if I put myself in jeopardy." -Taeyang.
Season 1.
Started: September 26, 2020.
Completed: September 02, 2021. (Published Sep-03-21).
|SF9 Fanfict...
Some days had gone by since we arrived in Seoul. Currently, the entire cast is back home, taking the few weeks we have to rest before going to Gangwon and start shooting the series. However, as soon as I returned home, I managed to keep my distance from Taeyang. Even though we were on good terms, I still felt guilty for changing the person I love for someone else. I'm aware they are the same person; furthermore, both individuals are almost a precise replica. But the old memories keep lingering inside my head, not wanting me to forget what was once mine. Unfortunately, after landing, my body seems to bond more with this reality. It caused my mind to focus on the present, not the past.
Gradually, my memories had faded away, but I managed to write several of them on paper. Now, every time I pass the pages of my diary, I tend to forget I lived those moments. Sometimes, I believe my past experiences are only tales, stories anyone else can create. Somehow, my anxiety level is the only thing that worries me; after all, I've felt worse than ever since I came back to Seoul. But overall, everything else remains the same.
Right now, I'm inside my apartment, painting on the canvas as I used to do. To release my anxiety, I try to keep myself busy with anything I can; therefore, I decided to paint again, concentrate my ideas on a white space before creating something new. My current work is referencing the vivid image I have of my room in my timeline. I want to bring it to life since that small space is the only thing I can remember.
I placed the brush on the water after taking a step back. The painting is what I pictured in my head, making my head get fogged with the last memories I hold from my timeline. But before I could focus on them, I heard the doorbell, causing me to walk away from the room and go to the entrance. Shortly, I opened the door, soon revealing the person behind it.
-Taeyang? – I murmured while looking at him, stunned. -Hey, the interview isn't starting yet. Why are you here? – I asked, confused.
-I came an hour before the set time because we have to talk. – Taeyang sternly said before stepping inside the apartment, soon walking to the living area.
I took a deep breath before closing the door, briefly following Taeyang.
-Sit down. We have to talk. – Taeyang repeated, still looking earnest.
I did what Taeyang said before placing my elbows on my knees, not wanting to face Taeyang. After all, I can't tolerate when Taeyang scolds me.
-Hwiyoung, I don't know what's happening with you, but Youngbin-hyung and your fans are getting worried. Haven't you checked social media? Your fandom is trending your name with kind messages, and Youngbin-hyung feels distressed because you haven't behaved like yourself. – Taeyang mentioned.
He's upset.
I sighed before Taeyang groaned, upset. -Can you look at me when I speak? – Taeyang sternly asked, which I obeyed immediately, not wanting to argue with him right now. -Hwiyoung, have I done something to you? Did I do something that bothered you? – Taeyang asked, concerned. But I shook my head as images from my timeline began to appear inside my head.
-I'm sorry. – I merely said while feeling a knot on the back of my throat, my words not desiring to come out.
-Why? Why are you so distant from me? Don't you remember what we are? – Taeyang asked, which I nodded for in response, trying to hold my tears. -Then, what is it? – Taeyang worriedly questioned.
I shook my head before looking away from Taeyang, briefly pressing my hands tighter. But suddenly, I felt Taeyang's arms around me, immediately pulling me against him.
-It's been four days since we arrived from Daegu. You haven't texted me or answered any of my calls since then. I've been so worried about you. – Taeyang spoke, concerned.
-I'm sorry. – I repeated.
-Can you tell me something else? I want to know how you feel about us, Hwiyoung. I get it, everything's new and unknown, but didn't we agree to get through everything together? – Taeyang questioned as I could hear his voice cracking between words. -Why are you so anxious? Huh? Why can't you trust me? – Taeyang asked, starting to lose his patience.
-I trust you; I never said I didn't, Tae. – I assured him before getting closer, and then I began to hug him tight.
-I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. – I said, causing Taeyang to look back at me. Now, we are facing each other while staring at our expressions. Immediately, I noticed Taeyang's confusion and concern, making me reach his face with my hand. Gently, I caressed his cheek with my thumb as he closed his eyes due to the sensation. -Can you forgive me? – I asked, which Taeyang nodded for in response.
-Eat well, drink water, and sleep early. I wanted to tell you all of these things since we arrived from Daegu. – Taeyang mentioned.
-I know, and I'm sorry for not giving you the opportunity. – I sincerely said while hiding my face against Taeyang's shoulder, attempting to drown my tears. But the inevitable happened; my sobs began to come out.
-Hwiyoung? – Taeyang worriedly said before pushing me away, and then he held my shoulders while watching me cry.
-I'm sorry, Taeyang. I haven't behaved as a boyfriend should do, and I left you alone. But I care about you, and I always will. – I assured Taeyang before picturing my other timeline more vividly.
"And you are always going to be with me. Always because I'm not going to leave you." Taeyang assured me before we sat down next to each other. He embraced me as I pulled him closer.
I shook my head, attempting to focus on the present time. But it wasn't working, and my anxiety is making me lose control over my mind.
-Hwiyoung, stay calm and look at me. – Taeyang said, which I immediately did. Then, he removed the tears from my cheeks, briefly smiling at me. -You've always been there when I need you, so don't think you aren't giving me enough. Alright? I understand you might feel troubled by our relationship, and I'm sorry for not grasping that before. You are essential in my life, Hwiyoung. So, let me help you just like you do. – Taeyang expressed his thoughts in a way I never heard him before. The mere sound of his voice caused my attention to return, and my head began to feel less crowded.
I nodded at Taeyang's words before holding the side of his face, then caressing his temple. Suddenly, he took the back of my head and pulled me against his chest.
-Do you want to be with me? – Taeyang softly asked, which I nodded for in response, then surrounding his body with my arms.
-I never doubted how I felt about you, Taeyang. But I think about our future, and it makes me feel anxious. – I revealed, now putting the words I wish I could say to the Taeyang of my timeline.
-Please, don't be. I promise we'll stay together. – Taeyang said before kissing my head.
Is too soon to get attached to this Taeyang? If it's not, I suppose is a little too late to change my decision. Now, my heart belongs to him even though it feels wrong to admit it.
