kellin quinns other daughter || mike fuentes

Pain Killers

» Authors Note:
I dont if you guys hate me yet, please dont! I promise it won't be sucky soon! I've LITERALLY spent ALL of science pretending to listen, but really listen to Im The Secret by Jaime Preciado. Like that songs my addiction. aNYWAYS here's chapter 9. Love me guys, love me.
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Chapter 9 || pain killers

Azlynns POV »

You know those moments you get, when everything adds up? That was me, in this moment. I didn't really realize how different my life was till I thought. Of course its night, and im laying in bed, but as always my dad's out partying with the guys. I sat up in bed and held my knees to my chest.

Your such a baby.

No one loves you.

Lynn thinks your a freak.

You deserve to have a dead mom!

Just kill yourself already..

I'm not gonna lie and say, I haven't thought about it. I want to so badly. Lynn hasnt talked in 2 days, and im pretty sure she's back with Diana. I should have seen it coming. I'll never be pretty. I was crying when I heard people stumble in on the bus. I crawled under the covers and faked sleeping.

The door shut and everyone was gone again. I pulled out cigarettes and a lighter, I walked off the bus, sitting out side in the rain, with my left over mascara from yesterday still on. It streamed down my face from all the crying, and the cuts on my legs were slightly visible, cause of my shorts. I light the cigarette, and pull my knees to my chest again.

If you overdosed in the bathroom and fell, no one would here you fall..

I was so tired of Anna. I pulled at my hair, I couldn't take it so I light another cigarette. God, make it go away.

No one would miss you .

That got to me. I started to feel tears stream down my face. I couldn't finish my cigarette, I let the rain get it. As I was crying I felt a hand rub down my back. It was Tony. The only one who cared enough.

"What's got you this time, love?" He asked questioning my tears.

"Why me?" I asked.

"What do you mean, beautiful?" Tony asked again.

"I don't get life anymore, im so fucking sick of feeling like a piece of shit with low self esteem, and dont call me beautiful, im not" I say looking at the moon. I re-lit the cigarette, but before a could smoke it, Tony took it away from me.

"You are beautiful. You are not a piece of shit. There is no reason for you to have a low self esteem. You dont need this cigarette, its like an unintentional suicide." He said.

"I know. That's why I smoke" I whisper.

"Az.. are you okay?" Gabe came around the corner and asked. I got up my cigarettes falling out of my hoodie. I grabbed them before Gabe could and ran back on the bus and locked myself in the bathroom. I had all my medicine in the cabinet, even my pain killers. I grabbed them and put 5 in my hand and took them. I wanted to be numb.

I put them back in the cabinet. I grabbed my razor and cut my left arm, instead of right this time. I cleaned myself, and bandaged my arm. I put on jeans and left my hoodie on, and put on my glasses. I washed off the rest of my mascara, I walked off the bus and found Tony and Gabe standing there.

"Are you okay?" Gabe asked grabbing my wrist, I yanked it away from him. I didn't wanna talk. I just wanna disappear.

"Yeah" was all I managed to say. My vision blurring, Tony leading us to the guys. When we got there Lynn instantly looked at me, and I saw her with Diana.

"Hey Az!" Danny called. I didn't say anything, I sat on the couch, refusing food, drinks, dances, everything.

"Are yoy okay?" Tony asked.

"Yeah" I lied, he walked away. I sat there watching Lynn and Diana. My heart didn't hurt. I didn't even feel happy, I couldn't feel anything. I felt good. Feeling nothing feels good. I wanna be like this everyday.

"Hey" Lynn called. I shook my head.

"Ya know, you could have said your crazy, I cant be with you instead of leading me on, then leaving me!" :-) I said walking away. I saw my dad, and he saw me. He came running over. Its like he knew.

"Azlynn, you look pale! What happened?" He asked me.

"I just haven't been feeling well" I said lying. He noded. Suddenly I felt sad, and guilt for lying. I didn't like this feeling, and when I saw Lynn and Diana I felt like cutting, my wrist burned, my thinga burned, my stomach burned. I felt like I was on fire.

I wanted more pain killers..