Spy School Betrayal

Emotions

I was really hoping that we wouldn't be stuck sleeping in a motel as bad as the one we were in the night before. Believe it or not I got my wish. The motel we were stuck in was 10 times worse. It barley even had a bathroom, only a toilet and a mini sink crammed into a closet like room. There was only one bed in the room, although fortunately it was queen sized. Even so, the moment Erica laid eyes on it she called it. That meant I got the floor. Have you ever wondered what sleeping on a grimy brown carpet that smells like feet is like? Let me tall you first hand that it sucks. At two in the morning I still hadn't fallen asleep. At two thirty I have up completely and decided to just read on the small porch or something. I rummaged around in my bag until my hand grasped a book, then I made my way out the flimsy door and onto the lit up porch. I sat down and went to open the book, but that's when I realized something wasn't right. The book was not Griswold's How to Survive Ninja Attacks, instead it was a slick black notebook. I opened it and my breath caught in my chest. It was a handwritten notebook- wait no- it was a diary. Erica's diary. Unable to resist I turned to the first page and began reading.

Entry 1
Let me start off by saying I'm not gonna be doing any of that dear diary crap. To be completely frank with you I despise the idea of writing in a diary in the first place, but mom got it for me for my birthday and told me that I should just try to write down my feelings (as if I have them). She said it would be a good way to deal with my emotions (yet again she said this as if I have them), instead of just shutting them off. Okay, as much as I hate to admit it, maybe writing in this stupid notebook might be good for me. I fill it up with whatever crap may be trying to slip through my emotional barrier, then I burn it. So here goes:
Lets start with my biggest problem- Benjamin Ripley. He's currently a second year at the academy. Messy brown hair, bright hazel green eyes a kind of adorable smile. UGH- here's where I start letting out emotions. I HATE EMOTIONS. But mom said if I write them down then they will go away... could it be true?  At this point I'm willing to try anything. Lets start by writing every sappy, emotional, stupid thought I've ever had about Ben. I think his smile is sweet, it kind of makes me smile too, at least internally. His eyes are so kind and its kind of hard to look into them. He is a horrible spy- he sucks eggs at shooting- but he's better than dad. I will admit, without him figuring out the bad guys plot I might have been killed over the summer when I got captured by SPYDER. And I- I think maybe, just maybe I can trust him. I guess I've stopped thinking he's like Josh. I just wish I could get up the courage to confront my emotions like a normal person, but until then Ben's just going to have to keep proving to me that I shouldn't be afraid. 

I was speechless. Erica Hale number one had a diary, number two had emotions stronger than I had maybe thought, and number three might even like me... as more than a friend? 

"Ben? What the hell!?" I yelped and fell out of my chair as a hand snatched the diary from me. Erica. I landed on my butt on the concrete and groaned. 

"Hey Erica!" I smiled weakly. 

"What are you doing with my book?!" Erica snapped icily. I pushed myself off the ground and faced her, doing my best not to shrink under her withering glare. 

"Um- well I couldn't sleep because you called the bed and my floor smelled like a thousand dirty feet so I decided to read and it was dark and I grabbed the first book my hand found, I thought it was Griswold's How to Survive Ninja Attacks, but it was your diary and then I just couldn't help myself so I started reading... I'm really sorry!" Erica punched me in the gut. I keeled over and feel to the concrete once again, winded. 

"Don't invade other people's privacy!" she snarled. 

"I'm sorry!" I panted. "tell me you wouldn't do the same if you found my diary." Erica paused. 

"You have a diary?" she asked, completely dodging the question. I rolled my eyes.

"No! But if I did and you accidently grabbed it I know you would read it!" 

"I would... but only to find out if you were secretly a threat to national security!" Erica started to leave.

"Really? You're mad at me for doing something you literally just admitted you'd do yourself, you sucker punched me and now you're just walking away?! According to your diary you should care more about me! What about my cute smile? My kind eyes and how I suck eggs at shooting but you still wish you felt comfortable feeling things for me?" I knew I said the wrong words as soon as they were out of my mouth. Erica swiveled on her heel and stormed over to me. She grasped my hand and pulled me to my feet, then dragged me inside to room and threw me onto the bed. I slammed into the mattress hard enough to jolt my head. 

"There! Sleep in the bed if you want! I really thought I could trust you Ben! Just go to sleep and don't bother trying to make this better." I knew at this point not to push any harder. I had never been one to cry over girls but at his point I was afraid this wasn't just one of Erica's outbursts. I was afraid she was really done with me. I pulled the sheets over my head, my eyes red and single tears threatening to turn into a waterfall. The lights snapped out and I could hear Erica laying down in the nest of flat sheets I had attempted to sleep in. Although the bed was more comfy I still couldn't sleep, plagued by tears and broken hearts. At some point around five in the morning I drifted off into a half sleep and had a horrible nightmare. I was locked in a small room and the walls ere closing in on me. I was tied to a chair and someone else was tied to another, facing me. Erica. She was crying, as out of ideas and hope as I had seen her. I hoped that she would say something comforting but in our last moments she chose to yell at me instead. 

"Ben Ripley I hate you! This is all your fault!" she screamed. 

"Erica I'm sorry! I tried to got us out of this! I- the metal walls started to crush me and my breathing was getting thin.

"Erica-" I felt a smashing pain in my chest and could hear a frantic voice yelling to me from far away.

"Ben! Wake up! You're gonna be okay! Ben!" I jolted awake to find I was being held by someone. An enemy? I tried to wriggle out of their grasp when a smell hit me. Lilacs and gunpowder. Erica had her arms wrapped around me and she was soothingly stroking my forehead. 

"It was just a bad dream." she mumbled.

"Erica?"

"Ben." she whispered. "I'm really sorry. You were- um- you were right. I over reacted."

"What happened?" I asked, leaning into her and trying to calm down.

"You had a panic attack. It was my fault. You went to sleep crying and you had a bad dream- but you're safe now. You're always safe with me."