terrible things e.s.

14 february armpit hairs

Long and unedited, enjoy. Sorry of any spelling/grammar/punctuation mistakes, I give you full permission to correct me since it's been like two months.

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February 1st, 12:57pm

"Harry's birthday, today." Ed states as he flips through paperwork at the kitchen table.

"Is it? Tell him I said, 'happy birthday.'" I said, cutting our sandwiches in half. I walked them over to the table, setting Ed's plate in front of him. I then took a seat on the opposite side.

In thirteen days I will officially be starting chemotherapy. I wasn't sure how I felt about it all, really. I knew that there was a greater than not chance that I would survive, but what would happen if died? How would Ed react? How would Luke feel being raised without a mother? I would hope that Ed would move on, but the pang in my chest at the thought of him loving another woman, almost didn't want him to; if something were to happen. Is Lucas old enough to even remember me when he's older? I shouldn't be thinking this with such a small chance of me actually dying, but it was kind of hard not to. There was always that 15-percent in the back of my mind. Although it is an eighty-five percent success rate, there will always be that fifteen percent possibility that something could go wrong.

"Or you could tell him yourself, tonight. His party is at seven. I called your mom and she agreed to take care of Luke... delighted to actually." Ed took a bite from his sandwich mumbling a Thank You and something about it being good.

"Oh. Okay, yeah. Yeah, totally. Definitely."

"What?"

"Hm?" I asked faux-dumbfounded.

"You got closed off and weird on me."

"Um, no. I didn't."

"No, you did. You still are. You got awkward. Why?"

Because that's not exactly what I was planning to do tonight, if you know what I mean.

"I most certainly did not get awkward, okay, cum-waffle."

"Did you just call me a 'cum-waffle.'"

"Not of my knowledge..."

"I think you did." He said with a glint of humor in his eye. I looked left, then right, and back into his joyful eyes. Quickly I got up and started running out of the room. Unfortunately I didn't get very far-- only about three steps, before I remembered the tumor in my leg and how much it fucking hurt.

"Lorelei!" Ed quickly came to my side and helped lower me down to the ground to get the weight off of my knee. The pain surging through my body hurt worse than anything I had ever felt before. I bit my lip harshly, not wanting to make any loud noises in fear of waking Luke up from his nap.

"Fūck, Teddy, holy shīt that hurts, mother fūcking fūck oh, my god." I finally let out in a loud whisper, not able to hold it back any longer.

-

February 8th, 3:09pm

"We've been living here for almost a month." I state, folding a shirt. It was laundry today, but it wasn't going as planned; never does. It's the fourth time that I have folded this shirt since it seems that Luke finds it incredibly hilarious to toss folded clothes around and roll around in it like a fucking pig while giggling like a madman- or child, rather.

Teddy is sat at the head of the bed typing up an e-mail on his slow-ass laptop, while I stood at the foot folding a pair of black skinny jeans for the second time; Lucas lost in the pile of clothes somewhere in the middle but I could hear his laughter, so, no worries, he is not dead.