Runaway-Grey's Anatomy AU Book 6

Chapter Two

"The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. As surgeons, as scientists, we're taught to learn from and rely on books, on definitions, on definitives. But in life, strict definitions rarely apply. In life, grief can look a lot of things that bear little resemblance to sharp sorrow. Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life. It's loss. It's change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime. That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive. By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurt this much. Grief comes in it's own time for everyone, in its own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it. The best thing we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes. And let it go when we can. The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away. There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance" 

"we're sleeping through all the days. i'm acting like i don't see"

Day 20

Holly walked past Amanda sitting on a bench outside the hospital. She sighed.

Kelly was charting in Clara's room. Clara was sleeping.

Aurora and Owen were laying on the on-call room bed, looking at each other with soft smiles.

Day 26

Clara was reading a postcard from her travelling mates. "You're not missing much. New York smells like pee", she read. "God, I hate them". Kelly took the postcard from her. Clara winced. "More pain? Your CT results should be back soon", Kelly said.

"I'm fine. You should go home tonight. You can call off the 24-hour suicide watch, you know. Honestly. I'm better now, I am. Do you know what I think? I think you're using me to avoid moving in with your boyfriend"

"Am not"

"I'll make a deal. You move in with your boyfriend, and I'll let you call my mum"

"Ugh, mean"

"Chicken"

Bailey and Cristina entered the room. "Ok, Clara, the CT shows you have an infection in your small bowel, and your colon's inflamed. So it's likely something you picked up in the water, but it seems to have formed an abscess, which means you need surgery right away", Bailey explained.

"No"

"If we don't..."

"No. No more surgery. I'm not being cut open again"

"Ok..."

"No"

"Just take a minute. Take a few minutes and I'll come back and we'll discuss it"

Bailey went close to Cristina. "Start her on pre-op antibiotics and book an OR", she muttered to her before leaving the room. "What are the options? Can you give me drugs, can you...?" Clara asked. "No. You need surgery. But it's a simple procedure, and if it all goes as planned...", Cristina explained.

"My boat ride didn't exactly go as planned. So...tell me. Worst case"

"Well, uh, worst case is...we'd have to take out a part of your colon and give you a colostomy bag"

"Colostomy bag? A poo bag, outside your body? My grandad had one of those, it was..."

"But it's a small, small possibility", Kelly interjected.