Grey's Anatomy - No Time To Die

Drinking Alone

Meredith had just finished her surgery and when she looked at her phone, she saw that she had been paged quite a few times.
"Everything okay?" Richard said.
"It's Bailey—"
"—she paged me to Lexie's room."
"Go—"
"—I will talk to the family."
Meredith nodded. Not wanting to waste another minute she immediately took off her surgical gown and left the scrub room. She bumped into a few nurses as she was walking through the hallways with a speed. When she turned the corner, she saw that Arizona was talking to another doctor, outside of Lexie's room. Taking a closer look Meredith noticed that they were arguing but as soon as they noticed her, they stopped.
"What's going on?"
Arizona looked at the doctor before turning to Meredith.
"Winston escaped from psych—"
She took a deep breath before continuing.
"—and went to Lexie."
Meredith formed a fist, taking a few more steps towards the door.
"Is he still in there?!"
Arizona shook her head.
"They took him back to the psychiatric floor—"
"—where he'll stay!" Arizona snapped at the doctor, who smiled awkwardly before walking away.
"How did this happen—"
"—is Lexie okay?" Meredith rambled.
Arizona opened the door to Lexie's room.
"She's with Bailey."
Meredith nodded before walking in.

Meredith immediately noticed that the bed was empty. Looking down she saw that Bailey and Lexie were sitting on the floor, with their backs against the bed. Bailey's arms were wrapped around her daughter, holding her tight. Lexie's head was leaning on Bailey's shoulder, and she was staring straight ahead with her red eyes.
"Grey—"
Meredith shook her head, taking a few deep breaths.
"Grey—"
"—let's get her back into bed, okay?" Bailey said after a moment of silence.
Meredith nodded. Bailey let go of Lexie and stood up but, she didn't even seem to notice. It seemed like Lexie was asleep, yet she was wide awake. Meredith felt like she was lifting a doll instead of her own daughter. She didn't just seem empty, she felt empty. Bailey put her hand on Meredith's shoulder.
"We should go to my office—"
"—and talk."

A little later Meredith found herself in the Chiefs office. Bailey was sitting behind her desk and Meredith was sitting in one of the chairs opposite of Bailey. Meredith was staring straight ahead while Bailey explained what had happened. She tried to focus but all she could think about was how Lexie must have felt. All she could think about was how psych failed her, twice. Meredith was frustrated with how everyone had failed Lexie, including herself.
"Grey—"
"—are you even listening?"
Meredith nodded.
"Then what do you think?"
"About what?"
Bailey gave Meredith a look.
"Seriously Grey, I'm trying to help."
Bailey took a deep breath before continuing.
"I think Lexie might be suffering from PTSD and that she should see a therapist."
Meredith shook her head.
"I don't believe in therapy—"
"—you say what the therapist wants to hear, and you're seemingly cured—"
"—I have overcome a lot of traumas and I turned out fine. I can help her; I don't need a therapist for that."
Bailey shook her head.
"That's my point—"
"—you stuff your feelings in. You're like a ticking time-bomb that can go off any minute."
Bailey leaned forward.
"Listen to me. I care about you, and Lexie. Don't you want what's best for her."
Meredith nodded.
"Of course, I do it's just—"
"—just give it a go Grey."

The silence was broken by a knock on the door. When the door opened Meredith turned around to see who it was.
"Thank you Karev." Bailey said.
Alex nodded before closing the door behind Derek. His hand was wrapped in bandages.
"It's nothing."
"It better be nothing." Bailey snapped.
Derek walked over to the desk and sat down besides Meredith. She was staring at her husband but, he was avoiding her eye contact at all costs.
"Winston's family agreed to let this incident slip and not press charges."
"His family—"
"—we should be the one pressing charges!" Derek snapped.
"Oh, I hear you Shepherd. If it were Tuck, he'd already be sent to another hospital. But none of that matters, you're a doctor who punched a patient."
Bailey looked at Dereks hand.
"How long?"
"A week, maybe two."
"Alright then, you're getting a two-week suspension."
Both Derek and Meredith gave her a confused look.
"I can't let it slip—"
"—so, now your million-dollar hand can get some time to heal."
Derek stood up, storming towards the door.
"Consider it personal leave." Bailey said right before Derek slammed the door shut.

A few days later

Meredith was sitting in the attending's lounge, doing some research when Amelia approached her.
"You destroyed my brother!"
Meredith gave her a confused look before shaking her head.
"The last time I saw him was when he stormed out of Bailey's office."
"Exactly, you abandoned him when he needed you the most."
"He didn't reach out either."
Amelia sat down besides Meredith, moving some of the papers that were laying in front of her.
"You have to come back home."
Meredith shook her head, grabbing the piece of paper, that Amelia had picked up, from her hands.
"Mer—"
"—your family is falling apart and you're letting it."
Meredith looked at Amelia, taking a deep breath. She wanted to go back home and make things right, but it only became harder as time went on, until it seemed impossible. When she didn't go home the first night, why would she go back home the second night or the third.
"I am Derek's cry for help—"
"—so please, put whatever is going on between you aside for a moment and help him."
"You go talk to him." Meredith snapped.
A tear ran down Amelia's face.
"Derek has been drinking a lot and I can't seem to get through to him—"
"—so, I am begging you. Please go talk to him."
Amelia whipped her tears away before standing up.
"I know you love him, even when you hate him. So, no running—"
"—please go talk to him." Amelia begged.

Later that day Meredith got into her car and drove home. All she could think about was what Amelia had said to her. She pulled up in the driveway but remained in her car. The curtains were drawn, and the lights were off. Meredith stared at the house, trying to find the courage to go inside, but she couldn't. She couldn't face her husband. Amelia was right, she was the one that broke him and their family. A tear ran down Meredith's face as she started the car and drove off. On her way back to the hospital she drove by Joe's bar, which seemed like a good idea.

Meredith had been drinking tequila for a while and she was finally starting to feel the effects of it. She was looking around the bar when she saw Derek. She squinted her eyes, but it was really him. With the courage provided by the tequila she stood up and walked over to him.
"You shouldn't be drinking."
Derek looked at Meredith for a second but turned his head back almost immediately.
"We should be drinking alone."
"Derek Shepherd you are drunk—"
"—and angry, I've been there so I get."
"Go home Meredith." Derek snapped.
Meredith shook her head and sat down next to him.
"I might not have been there for you, but I'm here now."
Derek started laughing.
"Oh, you're here now—"
"—well good for you because I don't need you!"
Meredith grabbed the beer from Derek's hands and placed it on the bar, out of his reach.
"I know you blame me for what happened to Lexie, because I blame me too—"
"—and I don't think I can live with that."
Derek raised his hand, ordering another beer.
"The guilt I feel, every single day, is destroying me. I don't know how to cope."
"Drinking isn't the answer."
"It helps me cope—"
"—now go home Meredith!"
Derek took a sip of his beer. Meredith wanted to leave, she wanted to run. However, if she did that, she would be just like her mother. Lexie needed a father, and she needed her husband. Meredith raised her hand, ordering another shot of tequila.
"We should be drinking alone—"
"—together." Meredith interrupted as a tear ran down her face.

"People are not addicted to alcohol or drugs; they are addicted to escaping reality."