Grey's Anatomy - No Time To Die

Way Down we Go

"Funny, isn't it. The way memory works. The things you can't quite remember, and the things you can never forget."

Derek turned to Meredith.
"Everything okay?"
Meredith took a deep breath before nodding.
"Yes, I'm fine."
Derek shook his head.
"You are always fine, that's your problem—"
"—you know that you can talk to me right."
"So can you."
Lexie cleared her throat and both of her parents turned towards her.
"Can't we just go home?"
Derek nodded.
"Let's go home."

On the car ride home Lexie was staring through the window, looking over at Seattle and all its lights. They had driven up this mountain hundreds of times and the view still took her breath away. Every time they drove up that mountain her mind brought her back to when she was younger, enjoying the same view. It brought her back to how worriless live used to be. The silence was broken as Derek cleared his throat
"You know that you have to go back to school on Monday—"
Lexie turned her head towards the interior mirror.
"—now that you are officially discharged."
Lexie sighed.
"I know."

Lexie had been looking forward to coming home and sleeping in her own bed for a while but when she opened the door something felt off. It felt like she had walked into a stranger's bedroom, even though nothing had changed. It was the same as she had left it weeks ago. One of the walls was covered in a collage. Those pictures were proof that once, even if just for a moment, everything was perfect. Both Rylan's and Winston's face were all over the wall and it felt like they were staring right at her. Lexie took a deep breath as a tear ran down her face. She could remember the day every single photo was taken as if it were yesterday. Lexie never even realized how good the good old days were until they were gone. She would give anything to be able to go back.

Monday came faster than Lexie had hoped. Meredith was driving her to school, just like the last time. Not a single word was said on their way over. When they arrived at the school Meredith pulled over and turned to Lexie.
"Look at me and tell me that, you are sure."
"I have to—"
Lexie took a deep breath.
"—I'm completely and utterly fine."
Meredith shook her head. Lexie could see by the look on her face that she wanted to say something, but she didn't. Lexie took another deep breath before opening the door. She gave her mother a fake smile before getting out of the car.

Lexie had made her way over to the entrance but took a moment before going inside. She knew she couldn't grow if she kept reminding herself of the past, however she wasn't always in control of her own thoughts. When Lexie had finally gathered the courage to go inside, she did. Even though the school was full of people she had felt alone many times before, but this time was different. This time she was alone. As Lexie was walking through the hallways, she couldn't help but notice that people were staring at her. She wasn't sure if they were looking at her because of the crutches or because of who she was. When they noticed that Lexie could see them, they quickly turned their heads back.
"Miss Shepherd—"
"—it's good to see you." the school counselor said.
Lexie gave her a smile.
"Could you come to my office for a second—"
"—there are a few things I'd like to talk about."
Lexie nodded before following the school counselor back to her office.

Once they arrived the school counselor sat down behind her desk and Lexie sat down opposite of her.
"First of all—"
"—how are you?"
"I'm okay."
The school counselor leaned forward.
"I'm so sorry for everything that happened."
Lexie nodded.
"Yes, me too."
The school counselor smiled at Lexie.
"You have obviously missed quite a lot of school. You don't have to catch up on every assignment but—"
The school counselor opened one of the desk drawers and took a few pieces of paper out of it. She put it down on the desk and slid it over to Lexie.
"—those assignments are required if you want to graduate."
Lexie grabbed the papers and looked through them.
"When do they have to be handed in—"
"—because these are still quite a lot of assignments I have to catch up on."
"Don't worry, you'll have plenty of time."
The school counselor paused for a second, taking a deep breath before continuing.
"I don't know how to tell you this so, I'm just going to say it—"
"—the school is suing Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital."
Lexie gasped in disbelieve.
"Seriously?"
The school counselor nodded.
"I'm so sorry but you will probably receive a subpoena within the next couple of days."
Lexie's heartbeat rose.
"May I go?"
"Miss Shepherd."
Lexie shook her head before standing up.
"Miss Shepherd!"
"I'm sorry but I have to go." Lexie said before leaving the room.

As soon as Lexie had left the school counselors office she grabbed her phone, sending both of her parents the same message.
"The school is suing the hospital."
Lexie put her phone away, but grabbed it again seconds later, sending her parents another message.
"I cannot testify, on anyone's behalf."
Lexie couldn't believe the school was suing the hospital, if anyone was at fault it was them. If they had given Winston the support he needed, he wouldn't have to be admitted and none of this would've happened.

Lexie stopped when she stepped into a puddle. Looking down the clear water turned crimson red. She immediately took a few steps back and her heartbeat rose. When Lexie looked up the hallway was covered in the bodies of her peers, lying in a puddle of their own blood. At this point her heart was pounding inside of her chest. Lexie closed her eyes. She knew she had to fight, even though she felt like flying. It was just her mind playing tricks on itself. She took a few deep breath's, trying to calm herself down. When Lexie opened her eyes, she was standing in the middle of the hallway, gasping for air and all eyes were on her.
"If you want to stare at me, knock yourselves out—"
"—let's look at Lexie, isn't she sad. Isn't she pathetic and heartbroken—"
"—maybe she's gone mental, maybe I have."
Lexie turned towards the football team.
"And what are you looking at!"
They didn't know how quickly to look away.

Lexie had made her way over to the end of the hallway. Her heart was still pounding inside of her chest, and she felt like she couldn't breathe. Lexie tried to hold back the tears that were burning behind her eyes. She had already made a scene and they didn't get to see her breakdown.
"Lexie—"
"—are you okay?" Judith said as she followed Lexie.
Lexie stopped, turning towards Judith.
"I'm—"
Lexie wanted to say that she was fine, but she wasn't. Her eyes were watering, tears are words the heart can't say. So, what was the point in telling a lie no one would believe.
"—I can't—"
"—I can't breathe."
"Lexie, look at me."
Judith took a few more steps towards Lexie.
"Take a deep breath in—"
Judith inhaled and Lexie followed her lead.
"—and exhale."
Lexie nodded, she took a few deep breath's but it didn't manage to calm her down. She could still feel her heart pound inside of her chest. Lexie felt this urge to leave, she had to get out of here. She didn't want to go to school, she shouldn't have come here. So, Lexie took off.
"Lexie—"
"—where are you going?" Judith said as she followed Lexie.
"Lexie—"
Judith grabbed Lexie's arm and all she could think about was how Winston had grabbed her arm before, pulling her away from Rylan.
"—let go off me!"
Lexie pulled her arm away, causing her to lose her balance. She tried to break her fall, by catching herself with her elbow. Lexie was now sitting on the ground, unable to get up. She was sobbing uncontrollably as she had resigned herself to the fact that she needed help, that it couldn't go on like this.

"Not everything in this life will go your way, you must accept defeat, so that you can build and start again."