Grey's Anatomy - No Time To Die

Easy on Me

"When I come to you pleading for help don't tell me that it'll be okay, don't tell me to stay strong, don't tell me anything. Just hold me until I can breathe again."

Lexie was sitting on the ground, in the middle of the hallway, unable to get up. She was sobbing uncontrollably as she had resigned herself to the fact that she needed help, that it couldn't go on like this. Lexie was triggered by the connection between her conscious mind and a buried painful memory. It felt like she was dreaming as the world around her was slowly fading away. Lexie couldn't move, she couldn't breathe and before she knew it everything had faded away.

When Lexie woke up her father was sitting beside her bed. His eyes were red and puffy. Lexie wanted to grab his hand, but she cried out in pain after making even the slightest movement.
"You shouldn't move your arm."
"What happened?"
"You fell—"
"—bruising your elbow."
Lexie shook her head.
"No, I meant what happened to you?"
The room turned quiet, and Lexie could see a tear run down her father's face.
"I'm so sorry—"
"—for everything."
Derek took a deep breath before continuing.
"I would give anything to be able to go back and just pick you up as I was supposed to."
Lexie turned to her father.
"I would give anything to go back too, because maybe I would've been able to save Rylan—"
"—however, no amount of guilt can change the past, but it keeps you wondering."
Derek shook his head.
"I signed an AMA form—"
"—I did this to you!"
"No, I did this. I was too stubborn to admit that I needed help—"
"—I went back to school. Not because I was ready but because I wanted things to go back to normal—"
"—but the truth is, things will never go back to the way they were. My life has forever changed, and I have to find a way to live with that, because I'm clearly not handling things as well as I had hoped."
Derek took a deep breath.
"Deep down I know that it's not my fault but, I can't stop thinking about what could have happened if I'd just picked you up or if I didn't sign that stupid form."
"If you had picked me up from school that day, I wouldn't have been there when the shooting happened. However, it still would've had a major impact on my life—"
"—I might not have been able to save Rylan's life, but I saved the lives of many others. If it weren't for me, they probably would've bled out before the paramedics got there—"
"—I want to believe that I was there for a reason, to make a difference."
Derek gave her a smile.
"You would make an excellent doctor someday."

Once her father had left the room another doctor came in.
"Hello, I'm Dr. Walter Carr—"
"—I'm your new therapist."
He made his way over to Lexie's bed, shaking her hand.
"I'm Lexie."
Dr. Carr gave her a smile before sitting down in the chair that was standing beside her bed.
"What changed?"
Lexie took a deep breath.
"I changed—"
"—and I'd let myself believe that I hadn't."
"Do you remember how you ended up back in the hospital?"
Lexie shook her head.
"Not quite, all I remember is that I let my thoughts take over control."
"You don't have to control your thoughts; you just have to stop letting them control you."
Lexie laughed and Dr. Carr just looked at her for a second.
"You are not what happened to you, you are what you choose to become, and you cannot change anything unless you accept it."
"It all still feels so surreal."
"Probably because you are still in shock."
Lexie shook her head.
"No, because if I were in shock, I wouldn't be feeling any pain."
Lexie took a deep breath as a tear ran down her face.
"I'm hurting—"
"—and I'm not talking about my stupid elbow."
Dr. Carr gave her a smile.
"That's something we can work on."

Meredith was sitting at the kitchen counter, waiting for her husband to come home. When Derek entered the house and saw Meredith, he simply shook his head.
"I can't do this right now."
"Derek—"
Meredith got up, making her way over to him.
"—I'm so sorry about earlier. I never should've reacted the way I did."
Derek just looked at her.
"Derek—"
Meredith grabbed his hand, but he immediately pulled back. When she looked at him, she could see the tears in his eyes.
"—I forgive you."
Meredith took a deep breath.
"I was so angry with myself, with everything that had happened—"
"—when I heard the paramedic say Lexie's name, that was it. I just couldn't hold myself together anymore."
Meredith could feel that the tears were starting to burn behind her eyes.
"I lashed out at you because I wasn't afraid to show you how I was truly feeling—"
"—I knew that you would still love me, regardless of what happened—"
"—you and I, we have been through hell and back together. We can't do this alone. We need each other, I need you."
Meredith took another deep breath as the tears were starting to roll down her face.
"I forgive you."
Derek wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. A true relationship is two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other.

A few months later

Lexie was standing in front of Winston's house, since his mother had agreed to meet up with her. As Lexie was waiting for the door to open, she wished she could turn back time, to the good old days. She had walked through that door millions of times and some of her best memories were made there.
"Lexie—"
"—come on in." Beth said as she opened the door.
It had been a little while since Lexie had last seen Beth and she had gotten quite a bit older. Lexie smiled at her before going inside. To her surprise nothing really changed, except from the fact that it was a lot darker inside, since all the curtains were drawn. Lexie followed Beth into the living room.
"Please sit down."
Lexie nodded before sitting down at her usual spot.
"Would you like anything to drink?"
Lexie shook her head.
"No, thank you."
Beth gave her a smile before sitting down opposite of Lexie.
"How are you?"
"Physically, I'm well. Mentally, I'm doing a lot better since I started therapy."
The room turned quiet.

"You probably know I didn't come here to say hello."
Beth nodded.
"Why let the school sue the hospital?"
"They were the ones who let my son escape—"
"—he wasn't admitted for no reason. He was admitted because he was a danger to himself, to others."
"The next thing I'm going to say will trigger you and I'm asking you, please let me finish."
Beth paused for a second before nodding.
"I want you to drop the charges."
Beth's eyes widened.
"Yes, the psychiatric floor let him escape, but Bellevue High is the reason he needed to be admitted in the first place. If the school provided him with the care that he needed, none of this would have happened—"
"—and I'm not telling you to sue the school instead, I'm asking you to drop all charges."
Lexie took a deep breath.
"It has been a while since the shooting and I'm finally starting to move on. If I must testify in court, everything I have tried to leave behind has to come back and I can't go back—"
"—I'm not just talking about you and me here. I'm talking about all my peers, teachers and many others that were involved—"
"—I know you want justice for what happened to Winston, because so do I."
Lexie could see that tears were starting to form in Beth's eyes and that she was truly trying not to interrupt.
"I'm not saying that I forgive him for what he has done. To me, to Rylan and to everyone else. I'm only saying that I believe the Winston from before all of this would've never done it. The football team and the school, they drove him to do this."
Lexie could see that the tears were now running down Beth's face and she was waiting for her to say something, anything.

Beth didn't say a word so, Lexie continued to fill the silence.
"I want to remember Winston how he was before all of this, and I want to believe that he will come back—"
"—Winston isn't a bad person, bad things just happened to him."
Beth nodded.
"I couldn't agree more—"
"—but I can't just drop the charges."
"All I'm asking is for you to think about it—"
"—the damage has already been done and by going to court you'll just dig up the pain everyone has tried so hard to bury."
Lexie took a deep breath before standing up.
"You don't want to hear, in detail, how he murdered Rylan and I don't want to be the one who has to tell you that story."