Grey's Anatomy - No Time To Die

Long Way Home

"When people say 'recovery', you typically think of returning to how you were before your accident. But there is no going back. You do not merely recover but reinvent yourself. You become someone completely different from what you were before."

Lexie could feel her heart pound inside of her chest. She took a few deep breaths, trying to hold herself together. Lexie was still applying pressure on Rylan's wound, but by looking at her she knew it was already too late. Rylan was constantly opening and closing her eyes, starting to lose consciousness.
"Rylan, stay with me." Lexie begged.
"Step away."
Lexie could feel Winston grab her arms, pulling her away from Rylan.
"I said step away!" He yelled as he threw her against one of the bookshelves.
Lexie hit her head before falling to the ground. Determined to do everything she could to safe her friend she stood back up. This time Winston was pointing his gun at her. A tear ran down Lexie's face and another shot was fired, hitting Lexie in her right hip. Unable to keep her balance she fell to the ground once again. She placed her hands on her hip and within seconds they were covered in blood. Winston approached and before she knew it, she was staring right at the muzzle of his gun.
"Please" Lexie begged.
"I never meant to hurt you—"
"—you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time." Winston said.
Lexie woke up with a start, gasping for air.
"It's okay—"
"—deep breaths." Derek said as he grabbed her hand.
Lexie nodded, she took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled. She repeated the process until her breathing had slowed down. It had been a few weeks since the shooting, but it still felt like it was yesterday. Every time Lexie closed her eyes her mind took her back to the library, to the scariest moment of her life.

"Are you ready?" Dr. Torres said as she entered the room.
Lexie nodded; she had been staring at the ceiling for the past couple of days and was ready for a change.
"We have already given you something to help with the pain. However, it will still hurt when we help you sit up straight"
Lexie nodded. Both Derek and Dr. Torres grabbed her by the upper arm, but all she could think about was how Winston had grabbed her arms before, pulling her away from Rylan. Lexie started to twist and turn, trying to free herself from their grip, but it backfired. They tightened their grip in attempt to hold her still.
"Please let go of me." Lexie begged.
A tear ran down her face. She could feel her heart pound inside of her chest as she was desperately trying to free herself. Lexie looked at her father, but he didn't seem to notice it, he was to busy following Dr. Torres's orders.
"What the hell is going on in here—"
"—let go of her!" Meredith demanded.
"Grey—"
"—I know it is difficult to see your daughter in pain. But we have to do it if we want her muscles to heal properly." Dr. Torres said.
Meredith shook her head.
"This isn't physical pain it's phycological. I mean look at her—"
"—she can't breathe."
They all looked at Lexie, who was gasping for air. In her father's eyes Lexie could see that he never meant to hurt her, and he immediately let go of her arm. Dr. Torres let go of her shortly after.
"How could you let her do that to Lexie?" Meredith said to Derek as she walked out of the room.

A few more days went by, and Lexie was finally able to sit up straight. She was alone in her room, switching trough the channels when she stumbled upon the news. Lexie immediately changed the channel when she saw the reporter was standing in front of her high school. However, she ended up changing it back, she just couldn't help herself and had to hear what the reporter had to say.
"The shooter turned out to be one of the students from Bellevue High School. He was admitted to the psychiatric floor of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital but managed to escape."

"They should really up their security."
Lexie turned her head and as soon as she saw who had entered the room her heartbeat rose. Winston had a brace on his arm and his face was covered in bruises. Lexie wanted to run but knew she wouldn't make it very far. She tried to scream for help, but no words came out. Lexie just sat there, staring at the door.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you—"
"—I never meant to hurt you."
"You shot me—"
"—you killed Rylan." Lexie said with a shaking voice.
"I'm sorry—"
"—not for killing Rylan, she deserved it. I'm sorry for hurting you—"
"—you weren't even supposed to be there. Why do you think I waited till the end of the day—"
"—because you would've been at home, you were never supposed to be there."
Lexie shook her head.
"You still could've given me a way out, but you didn't."
Winston took a few more steps towards Lexie.
"Because you might have been able to save Rylan—"
Winston was right, she might have been able to save her friend. Deep down Lexie knew she did everything she could to save her friend and that there was nothing she could do now to bring her back. However, Lexie couldn't stop wondering what might have happened if she had done something different and if that might have been able to save her friends life.
"—and she had to die." Winston added.
"What could she have possible done—"
Winston started laughing.
"Wow—"
"—you truly don't know, do you?"
Lexie shook her head. She was still staring at the door, praying for someone to walk in. In the corner of her eye, she saw how Winston walked over to the chair and sat down on it.
"Look at me—"
"—I said look at me!"
Lexie took a deep breath before slowly turning her head. As she looked into his eyes, she did no longer recognize the person he once was. All she could see was the person that shot her, the person that killed her best friend.
"I told Rylan that I was gay, I trusted her, and she forced me out of the closet—"
"—I wasn't ready, but Rylan insisted. If it weren't for her, none of this would've happened."
Lexie didn't believe a word Winston said, not even for a second. She knew Rylan would've been there to support him and that he was just putting the blame on her to make himself feel better.
"There are two sides to every story and Rylan is no longer here to defend hers, because of you and just because she is no longer her to tell her side doesn't mean I'll believe yours—"
"—I know Rylan and she would never do anything like that."
Winston jumped up and formed a fist. Lexie was holding her breath, watching his every move.

"Get away from her!"
Derek walked over to Winston, throwing him against the floor and he added a few more bruises to his face.
"Shepherd—"
"—get off of him!" Alex said, pulling Derek away.
Winston was laying on the ground, moaning in pain.
"What's going on in here?!" Dr. Bailey said as she entered the room.
"He deserved it." Derek and Alex said at the same time.
Dr. Bailey gave them a look.
"Karev go fix Shepherds hand and someone page psych to get their patient—"
"—and make sure they keep him this time!"

Even after they had taken Winston Lexie could still feel her heart pound inside of her chest, she needed to get out, now. Lexie threw the blanket off her and sat down on the side of the bed. She was gasping for air but still felt like she couldn't breathe. Lexie pushed herself up, with all her strength and managed to stand up.
"Lexie, you shouldn't—"
"—let's get you back to bed, okay." Dr. Bailey said as she walked into the room.
"I have to get out of here." Lexie said with a shaking voice.
When she put pressure on her right leg, she could feel a gust of pain in her hip, just like before. It felt like her muscles were tearing apart. She lost her balance and fell to the ground. Lexie started crying as she was lying on the cold and hard floor. Dr. Bailey helped Lexie sit up, she was now sitting with her back against the side of the bed.
"I just—"
"—I can't—"
"—I can't do this."
Lexie took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled.
"I got you."
Dr. Bailey wrapped her arms around Lexie, holding her tight.
"I got you."

"She's changed. You can see it in her eyes, feel it in her touch and hear it in her tone. She's not the same and she's not coming back."