Carlo : Ti salveró amore mio

Chapter 21

ADELAIDE'S POV:

What is wrong with me?

I wanted to be saved, I wanted to go home. I'm finally going there. And now... I'm just.

I don't know.

My head hurts, my heart hurts, everything hurts. And I don't know what to do.

I want a hug.

But I don't want anyone to touch me.

I want Carlo to kiss me.

But I don't want him near me.

I want to be alone.

But I don't want to be alone.

I seem to be a very complicated person.

I chuckle a little and see Emilio turn his head to me. "Sorry." I try to hide my smile and look out of the window.

See! Now why the fuck am I laughing.

I take a deep breath and open the window all the way down whilst un-clipping my seatbelt. I rise up onto my knees and lean on my arms with my head out of the window.

Between the headrest and the car door I can see Carlo watching me, I turn my head more and stare back at him. He moves a seat forward and leans his head a little through the small gap.

"Amore." My breath catches in my throat, it's been awhile. "Where is our baby?" He mumbles.

He's going to hate me.

Tears spill down my face as I look at him and he brings his hand around the headrest to wipe them away with his thumbs. I flinch slightly but he shushes me calmly. "I'm not going to hurt you." He whispers.

His thumb dabs lightly under the eye with the cut so as to not hurt me and I stare into his green eyes. "I'm sorry." I mumble.

He smiles a little. "It's alright."

"Not about the flinching." I choke on a sob.

"What do you mean then?" He caresses my cheek with his thumb watching the movement as we whisper to each other.

"I- I killed it." I whisper sobbing silently. His eyes move to mine quickly and his thumb stops moving. "My-" I pointed to myself. "My eating habits, and not being able to protect it. That's what killed it."

A tear rolls down his face and I cry more at the sight of his heartbroken face. He doesn't say anything and that seems to hurt me more. I turn my head to face the front and his hand falls from my face.

I hear him turn eventually in his chair and I look up at the night sky.

My fault.

****

"Angelo bambino." Alessia runs down the stairs leading up to the front of the house with Rose in front of her.

I see Rose glance at my stomach and then through the opened side doors of the van which show the empty car seats. She doesn't say anything and stands in front of me, Alessia stands in front of me too as I close the car door.

"Bath?" Rose questions after an awkward silence of everyone staring at us.

I nod my head and the two women walk on either side of me, Carlo, Giovanni, Bella, and three other men follow us into the house.

"Why don't you go up to yours and Carlo's bedroom, whilst Rose and I grab some bubble bath and some water for you to drink?" Alessia suggests.

I look at the large staircase where you can see a few doors. The two ladies start to walk away and I clear my throat, catching their attention. "Where is it?"

Rose looks at Carlo behind me and I can feel him staring at me. "The same room."

That's not very helpful.

I just stare at her a little longer and see tears flood her eyes.

"It's fine. I can find it myself." I suggest looking at the stairs.

"I'll show you." Carlo quietly says and walks ahead of me.

He hates me.

I follow him up the stairs hearing the people downstairs talk about me. Carlo walks to a room and opens the door for me, I walk past him and into the room.

"Bathroom is in there." He points to a door and goes through to another which I'm guessing is the wardrobe.

I stand still as I look around the room filled with baby toys on the floor, a crib on one side, a whole wall filled with baby things, and a camera monitor set.

There's a changing station on the other side of the room with a chair to sit a baby in. I place a hand over my mouth as I sob into it quietly. I walk over to the wall filled with everything stacked.

On one of the bedside tables it has three different bottles of alcohol and a glass that's tipped over. The bed isn't made and I can see a black hoodie under the covers.

What have I done?

I place a hand on the baby clothes and pick up a teddy bear next to it. I look up to see the rest of the shelves filled all the way up to the ceiling.

Carlo walks in with a pair of sweatpants, shorts, a hoodie, and underwear. "I didn't know if you wanted to wear shorts or not." He shrugs and stares at me.

His eyes are red from trying not to cry. "I'm really sorry Carlo." I cry.

His eyebrows furrow and his jaw locks and his eyes become tearful. "It's not your fault." He whispers with a voice crack.

I shake my head and feel my bottom lip tremble. "Fuck!" I shout slightly as I sit on the floor surrounded by baby things with my legs criss crossed.

Carlo looks away for a second as I see tears fall down his face before he looks at me and walks over. He sits down in front of me giving me space.

Rose and Alessia walk into the room and stop short. I get up off the floor and walk past Carlo, I go to the bathroom and start running the water.

The faint voices of the three people in the bedroom muttering makes me turn on the taps on the sink as well to drown out their voices.