Carlo : Ti salveró amore mio

Chapter 28

For the past week I've had the same routine.

Wake up (sadly), go for a walk, see Axel and Rosalyn, paint with Rose, make dinner with Carlo, then go back to the guest room. Carlo has been sleeping in a separate room to give me space and I haven't really been speaking to anyone except Rose, Axel, Rosalyn,and Carlo.

Now here I am, laying on the bathroom floor with a razor in one hand and my sleeve lifted up, ready to do something I said I would try not to do again.

A loud sob erupts out of my body and I quickly clasp a hand over my mouth, even though the bathtub is running and is making a lot of noise, I don't want anyone to hear.

My body.

It feels so dirty, I can feel their hands all over me and I feel extra empty today.

Do you ever see a spider and immediately your body feels all tingly and iffy? That's how my body is feeling, but even worse. I can feel the tight squeeze all over my body and especially on my chest making me forget how to breathe.

Do it?

I look at the razor in my hand.

It will help you breathe.

"No it won't. You're lying." I sob, trying to convince myself.

I promise it will help.

I start gasping slightly, choking on my sobs. The more I cry the more I panic about not being able to breathe.

Just do it Adelaide. One tiny line.

"Promise?" I whisper, sitting up slightly.

Promise.

I bring my wrist towards me and press the razor onto my skin just letting it sit, not pushing down just yet.

Go on.

I close my eyes and cry whilst gasping as the blade runs across my wrist feeling a slight sting until I get used to it. I notice how I'm not gasping as much anymore and I can calm slightly.

You should do more... Just in case.

"Right."

I add more lines to the single one on my wrist and soon enough my whole wrist is covered with blood and I effortlessly switch wrists.

The cycle begins again and I cry when I realise I have run out of space.

"No more. Adelaide." I breathe out.

But my covered thighs feel as if they are itching. I pull my leggings down and just stare at them.

As if coming out of a trance i throw the blade across the room and stop the bath quickly before it overflows.

What did I do?

I look at my arms with tear filled eyes and stress. Looking around the room I feel guilty.

Why? Why? Why?

I want a hug.

I unlock the bathroom door, just in a plain white shirt and black underwear underneath. My leggings dashed in the bathroom.

I walk across the room and over to the door. I grab the key to Carlo's room from the table beside the door and stick my head out of the door to see if anyone's there whilst still crying.

I make my way over to Carlo's door and knock before unlocking the door. I walk in and close the door behind me.

"Carlo?" I sob.

There's no response and I can hear the shower running. I lock the bedroom door and walk over to it.

What are you doing?