Dreams And Affections

Chapter 5: Father why?

[TW: ABUSE]

Burton Bishop's POV

"Burton!"

"Burton wake up!"

My eyes got startled to open, I can hear my Father's voice and I can feel his hand touching my shoulder to wake me up.

I realized I fell asleep while I was leaning on the wall, with the phone in my hand. 

"What are you doing sleeping on the floor? Plus the floor is also a mess and you added yourself up. Get up." My Father said and I did what he said and returned the phone to where it's supposed to be.

I was about to go into my room but..

[NOW PLAYING: To Build A Home - The Cinematic Orchestra]

"Burton." My Father called me once again, The tone of his voice when he called me I already knew he is about to give me a beating.

I sighed and I faced him.

"Yes, Father?" I asked and trying to make eye contact with him.

He walked towards me and I can already smell the liquor that is coming from him, my eyes looked at his clenching fists and my whole body is about to tremble.

"Tell me, what the hell are you doing on the phone?" He asked seriously.

My eyes can't focus on him anymore and I started to look on the ground, "I-.. I was-", Before I completed my response he immediately grabbed me from the collar of my knitted sweater with his both hands.

"LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M SPEAKING TO YOU!" He yelled at me and I closed my eyes for a moment and I opened them once again to look at him.

"I'm asking once again, What are you doing with the phone?" He asked for the second time.

I gulped before I can answer his question, "Th.. The Delivery Man called, and told me that there is a package for you, but it will be delayed for 5 days. And he told me to ask you if that's okay." I said while stuttering and trying to explain.

"Well, Did you know what's in the package?" He asked, but he still sounds furious and drunk.

Crap, I thought he is going to arrive soon or after a month. I should've let Ms. Blanche approach Mr. Wilson.. But I didn't want to bother her.

I took a deep breath trying to prepare myself to tell my Father the truth about the package.

"No, I don't know what's in the package." I said, and now I see my Father's emotions changing and now I know what's going to happen next.

"вы бесполезные подонки!!" My Father yelled and he let go of the collar of my knitted sweater.

[TRANSLATION: "You useless scum!!"]

After he let go of me, he immediately pushed me so hard. So hard that it made me tumble and fall off the floor.

He started to kick me on the stomach several times while I'm still on the ground. I can't let any words come out of my mouth, but all I can do is grunt from the pain and closed my eyes, and trying to catch my breath for air.

"DIDN'T I TOLD YOU TO ALWAYS ASK WHAT'S IN THE PACKAGE WHEN THERE IS SOMETHING FOR ME?!" My Father added after he stopped kicking me on the stomach.

"I.. I'm sorry.." I said in a weak tone while holding my stomach to control the pain.

"I can't hear you! LOUDER!!" He demanded furiously.

"I'm sorry Father, I'll never do it again." I said trying to make it loud and clear for him to hear.

"So worthless." He said and left me on the ground and went to his room.

I, on the other hand, let myself lie down on the floor trying to rest and waiting for the pain from my stomach to go away.

Tears started to form in my eyes until I can feel them run through my cheeks, why does he always have to do this to me whenever he is home? what is the reason that he is always drunk? why doesn't he care about me?! 

Father why?

Are you regretting that I'm your son? A skinny tall boy that has no friends and that everyone hates, everyone picking on me at school whenever I encounter them.

I don't understand you anymore, there are times that you're calm and nice to me. But most of the time you just drag me with your anger and hurt me. I'm like a rock that you saw on the street and just kick me or throw me somewhere without you hesitating.

Am I still important?

Am I still worth keeping?

Am I still wanted?

Am I still Loved?

I don't know who to blame nor I don't know if there is no one who should be blamed. Is it my Father? My Mother? or the World?

Or me?

Is it all my fault that I was born even tho I didn't ask to be born?

Why did my Mother left me with a monster living with me on the same roof as I am?

I thought she loves me, I thought she will never leave me.

Turns out it is all just a 'thought'.

I stared at the ceiling while filling all these questions in my head, every day these questions are stuck in my head, and I badly want them to be answered.

Now everything went black.

I want to run away.