'Oh god! It is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!' - Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)
I just noticed something, today. Your eyes are so beautiful, and expressive. You looked deep into my eyes today, and I felt something I never have, before. It was an addictive feeling, and I wanted it again. But, it scares me at the same time. I feel closer to you, in a new way, which I don't know is right or not. I've known you for four years, and it's a wonder I haven't noticed your eyes for so long.
You got a hundred in math and were so happy, today. You hugged me tight, and told me that you were very happy. You didn't have to tell me that you were, because I could see it in your eyes. I failed in math, but I found myself genuinely reciprocating to your smile with mine. Anything that make you happy makes me happy, too (except Jake) and anything that makes you sad makes me sad. It just shows how much we are entwined.
I haven't told you this, but you're the most beautiful girl I have ever seen or known. You're the girl who's smile lights up the whole world. I don't know how to describe your beauty. You aren't drop dead gorgeous, or the stereotypical girl with the society's standards. You're beautiful in a totally different way that I can't explain. You don't behave like the society expects you to, you don't wear a dress, makeup, high heels, Barbie dolls, and cooking as a duty.
You are the type of girl who looks beautiful in sweatpants, sweatshirt, and toms. You tried high heels because your mom forced you to, but tripped and hurt yourself really bad. I was the one who carried you to the nurse, in school. I forced you to wear my shoes on our way back home, because I didn't want you to walk home barefoot. You protested, but I threatened to tell Jake about how you tripped on air and fell. Only then, you accepted my shoes. Jake isn't that useless, after all.
Everytime before going to bed, you kiss my cheek and tell me you love me. I don't want you to do that, anymore. Not because I don't want to be kissed by you, but because I have started feeling different things when you kiss my cheek. All kids have this phase, right? The phase when they think they like their best friend in a way more than friends. I'll get over it soon, and then you can kiss my cheek every night.
I feel like an idiot, writing letters to you that I'm never going to give you. But, I have no other way to vent out. This rocky phase will end soon, and I'll start seeing you as nothing more than my best friend. I promise.
-Max
I remember that he put himself far away from me. I thought that it was because he didn't want to 'hang-out' with me anymore, because he was embarrassed to be seen with me. Clearly, I was wrong. The days spent without him was always lifeless, and even meaningless. Many days, I cried, not even knowing why. I wasn't aware of my heart's desire for him. I began snapping at everyone, especially Jake. He tolerated it before he broke out relationship. I didn't even care that he broke up with me.
I read the letter attached to the one I just read.
'Hey again, dear. If you're reading this when we're still in our twenties, I'm doing something wrong. As I'm writing to you, I'm hoping that we are reading together it in our eighties, with wrinkles in our skin, and very few teeth remaining. I don't want to imagine that you're alone, sad and I'm not nearby to hold you in my arms. If you're here because of something that I did wrong, I'm sorry. I'm apologizing because I know I should be the one who f*cked up. I do, all the time. I'm sure that I'll come back to you after I gain my senses.
Coming to that letter. It was hard to write it. I can't believe I thought I could get over you. I can never get over you, baby. If I do, I would just be a lump of tissues and organs. Nothing more. There is no Max without his Elizabeth. There is no Elizabeth without Max.
I didn't know that love like ours could exist. I thought they were the love of the novels that could never become real. I couldn't think of a love beyond Catherine and Heathcliff. I felt deeply when I read the book with you, but I was always set that I would never see a love like their's in real life. So, I never thought I could love someone and be loved as much, one day. Your love came unexpected to me, and I always thought I couldn't have you because of my inferiority complex. Then, you proved me wrong.
I love in such situations, when you prove me wrong.
I'll always love you.
-Max
He wrote about how he felt like an idiot to read the letters he wrote as a teen. I personally don't think that the letters are idiotic. To me, they are a piece of him that will remind me for the rest of my life how much he loved me. They are cute, and shows me what ran inside fifteen year old Max's head. Moreover, these are all I have left of his, now. I have been running to these letters for comfort, ever since his death. If it weren't for his letters, I wouldn't be here, three weeks after his death.
Time can make or break. It was time that made two friends realize they wanted to spend their entire lives together, as life partners. On the other hand, it was time that took Max away from me, from the world. I hope that time will heal the wounds caused by his unexpected departure.
A/N: Hey, all! How was the chapter? Please leave your feedbacks, and votes. It will help me write better, and give you all better than this.
Have a great day!
