'I remember the first day I ever looked into your eyes and felt my entire world flip'
I'm going crazy, Elizabeth. I've fallen in love with you, like in every best friend love story we've mocked at as kids. I have become the character who falls in love with his best friend, but is unable to convey it. I hate that I've fallen in love with you. Not because you aren't a wonderful person, but because I have betrayed our friendship. Friends aren't supposed to fall in love with each other.
Relationships destroy friendship. I've seen plenty of friends in our school start dating, and eventually breaking up because they weren't compatible. Also, they weren't able to regain their friendship. I don't want that to happen to us. I want you for my entire life, and I wouldn't do anything to endanger it. But, it's getting difficult everyday for me to stay away from you. You just won't leave me alone, coming to my house and trying to talk to me, texting me always... You're stating to look even more beautiful to my eyes. I didn't know you could affect me like this.
Its getting tougher for me to stay away from you, because I'm falling for you more and more each day. This is not supposed to be happening. I want to stop feeling such things for you, but want the opposite at the same time. I can't understand what is going on in my head. Rumors have been spreading in school that Jake caught us kissing in your closet, so your relationship with him is now rocky. How I wish that could happen.
It is a very wrong and inappropriate thought to think of my best friend like that. But, it just doesn't stop, baby. There have been many instance when I've wanted desperately to grab you, and kiss your plump lips like there was no tomorrow. I want to tell you that I love you, and have you tell me that you do too. I want to be your boyfriend, and more. But, not at the stake of our strong bond of five years. You are all I have, and I can't bear losing you just for a relationship. Not just that, but also because I can't have you. You're the beautiful star in the night sky, and I'm just the little boy who looks at it from his terrace. I can't reach the heights you're in. You're a bright star, and only another bright star can be equivalent to you. Not Max, the asteroid.
I went out with Liana last night, to a bowling alley. A date, yes. But, I couldn't stop thinking of you. Liana looks pretty, and she's a nice girl compared to the others in our school. But, I don't like her because she isn't you. On the course of the date, I kept comparing her to you in the course of the date. She acted stupid like she never bowled before, and most of them were gutter balls. I've seen her bowling with her friends before, and she's actually good at it. She thought I'd like it if she acted stupid, and made me teach her how to bowl. It's f*cking annoying.
At first, I thought I'd date her to get over you. But, I wanted to hit myself after realizing how that sounds. I'm not like the stereotyped guys. I won't use girls to get over the girl I love. It's neither fair on Liana or me. So, I told her honestly that I thought I could get over a girl I love by dating her, and apologized for it. She was a bit disappointed, but she appreciated the fact that I came out clear.
Now, I'm sitting in the park looking like the loner I am, writing you a letter. How much more stupid, and cliché can I get. Two kids sit together on one swing, and swing up and down to their potential. They remind me of us, and the fun we had as children. Both of us didn't get along with the other kids in school, so we only had each other. We were inseparable, like conjoined twins. All feeling between us were very pure, and innocent. I want to go back to that stage of our friendship where I can look at you without wanting to kiss you senseless. I want our friendship back in my heart.
But, love just doesn't give up. It makes me think of you all the damn time, and I even like it. There, I said it. I like to think that in an alternate universe, we belong only to each other and there's no fake Jake to keep us away from each other. I like to think that one day, we'll be together in a relationship and never drift apart or break up.
But, this is the real world and those things I said happen only in films. I'm sorry I am betraying our friendship by thinking of you as someone more than a friend to me.
-Max.
I'm almost in tears as I complete reading the letter. Why was I so oblivious to his love for me, in the beginning? I didn't pay much attention to Max, I was too busy fixing my relationship with Jake. If I had known before, I could've had two more years of romance with him.
I was going through a similar situation at the same age, too. How we weren't able to find we loved each other is such a miracle. I never believed as a child that people fall in love. My parents were a wonderful example of love, but I just didn't want to believe in falling in love. Maybe, fate wanted me to believe in love after experiencing it.
Similarly, I never knew that pain was such a merciless monster. I didn't know I could feel pain so bad it ripped my heart into shreds. Only now I know how pain can easily handicap a fully functional person, never to allow them to feel any positive emotion. Fate has now made me realize pain can be all of that, and even more. Fate has shown me not just this, but also the uncertainty of life. Anything can happen any moment in life. Everything is unpredictable, like death. One could die anytime, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. I don't know if I can handle anymore of fate's lessons.
A/N:
Hey, I used to update twice and sometimes even thrice before. But, now I'm no because of busy school schedules. I'll keep updating every week, though. Please don't forget to vote, and comment if you liked the chapter. They mean a lot to me.
Have a great day!
