"Don't be so over dramatic, Liza. You are acting as though I took you to a mental asylum. You need professional help because you're bottling up your feelings. I'm trying to help you." He says, calmly. It feels weird because this is the longest conversation between us, since I left for university. I forgot how convincing his words can be.
"I don't need professional help, Nat."
He made me believe we were going to the grocery store, and dropped me at a counselor's clinic, instead. I just sat still when the counselor asked me irrelevant questions. She spoke as though she didn't know that I lost the only person that loved me. She asked me how I was. She knew the answer, but she still asked me the question. I just sat still for about fifteen minutes before she called Nat to pick me back up. Since he picked me, he's been trying to coax me into having a counseling session.
"You can't keep bottling up your emotions, like this. You need to open up to someone, and share your thoughts. I've asked you multiple times to talk to me, but you don't want to. I understand because Max isn't exactly my most favorite person now and so you don't want to talk to me about him. You don't want to talk to mom and dad because you think they'll be worried. But, you can talk to a counselor about what you are going through. Counseling would surely help you." He sounds so convincing, but I'm not going to fall for his tricks.
"Help me with what? In forgetting the only man I love beyond limits? I'd rather die of this pain than live without his memories. He's dead and I'm over." I finally say it out loud. I don't think I can ever retrieve myself from this insurmountable ache. He picks his nails, a habit that shows how annoyed he is.
"I'm disappointed, Liza. Max wouldn't want to see you like this. The Elizabeth he loved and died for, doesn't place her value on the man in her life. Max fell in love with your independent and strong character, not with this coward I see. Max sacrificed his existence for your happiness. The least you can do is fulfill his wish. He didn't ask for anything impossible." He says Max's name over and over to make me agree, and I guess I'm falling for his tricks.
"It is impossible, Nat. How can I be happy after he died? He was with me for seventeen years of my life. He showed me that nobody could love me more than he did, and just left me all of a sudden."
My voice is shaky, and my mind flashes memories of our life in front of my eyes. My eyes wet themselves, yet again. I just want to stop crying, but I have no control over myself or my life, anymore. Things are happening the way they want to, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I can't rise up from this, I have no energy to even think about fighting the pain.
"It is very difficult to do, but is not impossible. Nothing is impossible in this world if you put your heart and soul into it. Your happiness is what Max wanted. Do whatever you can to give him what he wanted. Remember how much he loved you." He places his hand on my shoulder and I hug him tightly with my shivering arms. My last memory of him floods into my mind, and I recall how much he wanted me to be happy.
"I promise, Elizabeth. Today will be the last day you suffer because of me and my habits." He says, holding my face in his large hands. Tears of happiness trickle down and he wipes them off my cheeks. His hands are rough from all the hard work he did as a teenager, but they hold me so softly, so lovingly.
"I love you, Max." As soon as I say those words, he brings his face forward and kisses me roughly. My lips respond equally to his kisses. His hands that usually play with my hair now roam my body hungrily, not with lust but with love, and desperation to have me completely. He pulls out only to attack my neck with soft, loving pecks.
"Say it again." He says breathlessly, in between the pecks. My brain tries, but fails in processing his words. He ends his loving assault with a kiss on my forehead. His eyes are closed and his lips are shivering.
