"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves memories no one can steal."
I see myself in the elevator's mirror and notice that I look human for the first time in weeks. My eyes are slightly red because of crying, and there are bags underneath. But, I look better than before. I try to not cry, but it only builds more pressure. Crying has become a routine now, just like brushing my teeth and having food.
As the elevator door opens, I walk out into the sixth floor where I'll be meeting my publisher. My book Illusions was supposed to be released ten days back. But considering the current situations, the publishing house hadn't bothered me regarding the book. I decided to talk to them, because I'll have to do it some day, anyways.
I'm greeted by my editor and publisher. Their pitying look reminds me again of him. We discuss about the release date of the book, press meets, and book signings. I ask them for an extension period, and they grant me just six months to recover from everything.
The time isn't enough for me to recover from this trauma, my whole life wouldn't be. Without arguing, I agree to the proposition, and walk out of the building.
As soon as I step out, I face bright flashes of cameras and a huge crowd. I cover my face with one hand, the other being occupied with documents.
"Are you depressed by your ex-husband's cheating?"
"Have you forgiven him now that he is dead?"
"Are you going to continue writing?"
More questions are thrown at me, and I try my best to not cry in front of everyone. I wasn't ready for this. I knew that being on the spotlight meant having my personal life meddled with. But, I didn't expect that they would prey on me within weeks of Max's death.
"Please stop." My voice comes out weak, and barely audible.
"Just answer us this one question, Elizabeth. Do you forgive your ex-husband?" One of the reporters ask.
"He did no mistake." I reply to them.
"But, he cheated on you after four years of marriage." Another voice says.
"He did not cheat on me." I scream out loud, silencing everyone. Tears well up in my eyes, and I'm fuming at the same time. Pitying me, they stop asking questions and make way for me. Without any words, I do the only thing I can in this situation. Run. Run from life.
I keep walking as fast as I could, in no particular direction. My legs begin to hurt, but the physical pain is nothing in comparison to the mental stress. I finally reach a place I didn't want to. The cemetery.
My feet lead me inside the cemetery, directly to his grave. My legs give up, and I kneel down in front of him. There are too many flowers on his grave, both fresh and withered. Red roses, his favorite. They are from his fans, I'm sure. Even though he was portrayed as a bad person by the media, many of his fans don't believe it. Some of them even mailed, and tweeted me conveying their condolences, and asked me the real reason of his death.
I trace my fingers over his name.
Maxwell Reynolds
(1987-2015)
Loving husband, and brother.
"Why did you die, Max? You weren't the same person after Dana passed away, but you were there. You were present in my life in some form, and that was enough for me. I wasn't peaceful in the last year because of your actions. But, by killing yourself, you just made everything worse."
I never wanted to live to see him like this. I never thought the day would come when I talk to him and get no reply back. I know he isn't going to reply in any way, but I'm just too pathetic to not try every possible superstitious thing to hear his voice again, to feel him, to make him smile.
"You thought I would attain peace if you left me, but all I have now is pain. Pain that I never knew existed. We could've solved our problem together. It would've taken lot of time and effort, yes. But, we could've done something." My lips tremble as I continue speaking to my dead husband. They show this in the movies, but they don't show how painful it is for a person to accept the fact that their loved one is now nothing more than dead, organic matter.
"I'm sorry, Max. I don't think I can keep my promise. I can't be happy. Not after what you did to me, knowing the consequences." I finally say out loud the bitter truth. He made me happy for seventeen years with his mere presence in my life. Suddenly, he's gone and everything has gone off along with him.
My tears fall on the roses, and chills run down my spine as I realize that I'm in a place where I'm surrounded by dead bodies. I'm reminded of my nightmare, and the image of his body in front of our closet, his dead eyes staring at me like he wants me to help him.
The rush of negative emotions along with his memories make me shiver. My breaths become shorter, and faster. My heart rate spikes up, and my head starts throbbing with pain. With the last bit of energy left in my body, I clutch my head, trying to make the pain go. I feel like I'm dying, like there's a force trying to stop my functionality. The last thing I feel is one of the sharp sides of his grave, on my stomach.
______-
It is peaceful, and I feel warm. I open my eyes to find myself wrapped in a blanket in my brother's bedroom. He walks in, and sighs with satisfaction.
"You're awake, finally! I was so worried, Liza." He says, hugging me. I push him off of me with so much force he nearly falls off the mattress.
"I'm alright. Nobody has to be worried about me. You don't have to keep spying on me. I know what you think of me, Nat. I'm not going to kill myself like Max." I yell at him, and grip my head to stop myself from screaming.
"That's not what I think of you." He grips my wrists and says, softly.
"You're my brother, Nat! You're supposed to be supportive, not trouble me. I haven't forgotten what you told me about Max, that day." I try to free myself from his grip, but I am unable to fight.
"I said that because I can't bear to see you like this, Liza. You had such a beautiful life. You were the woman who always smiled. Your eyes shone so bright. But now, they're so dull and lifeless. You had a panic attack in the cemetery, for f*cks sake! He promised you a happy life on the day of your wedding. He didn't just break the promise, but my sister as well." He frees my wrist, and runs his fingers through his hair. He only does that when he's worried.
"You don't do anything except reading those letters, and sleeping when your'e too tired to cry. I have all the right to be angry at him for destroying my sister's life. I know how much you love him, and that you're hurting bad. But, you need to take some effort to move on." His eyes show genuine worry for me.
"I want to move on, Nat. For you, our parents and all the others around us. But if I move on, Max will just be a memory in my life. He's not just a memory, he's more. He's everything. I don't want to betray my relationship by forgetting him. I want out of this stress and pressure, but I'm scared that I would stop loving him." I pour out my fears to him. All the walls I built to protect myself crack a bit, and I throw my arms around my brother. He hugs me to his chest, and rubs his hand on my back.
"Everything is going to be fine. You won't stop loving him, I know." He whispers.
"Nothing is going to be fine, Nat. He's dead and it's all over." Hopelessness is what remains, now.
"Everything will be okay, soon. You'll see. When mom was pregnant with you, I promised you that I'll be the best brother ever. I'm going to keep the promise, and make you happy. Just like you promised Max." I simply nod. I don't want things to be okay. If things become alright, it would mean that I'll forget Max. I don't want to forget him, ever.
A/N: This is the longest chapter I've written. Hope you all liked it. It will be better from the next chapter, and we'll see a new character!
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