Being Security (Conor Maynard and One Direction Fan Fiction)

Chapter 12 - My Only Escape

Sitting down watching Conor get his hair done, I couldn’t help but think about singing. It had made me feel alive, yet it had killed me inside to do it without Alice.

“You sure you can’t do it?” Conor said, looking at my reflection in the mirror in front of him. I shook my head.

“I’ve never sung without Alice. She had a beautiful voice, angelic even. She got me into singing in the first place!”

“Really?” Conor asked, intrigued.

“Yeah, we were going on holiday with mum and dad, she found out there was a karaoke competition and she pestered me to do it with her cos she’s so shy in performing! The first song we learnt together was ‘Save Me From Myself’ by Christina Aguilera. We won that day, and since then we kept singing together.” Conor smiled as he kept eye contact with my reflection.

“I bet you were glad she pestered you!” He laughed a little. I nod.

“Beyond anything she’ll ever know” I say, as I look at the floor thinking about more memories.

“She sounds like a truly wonderful girl!” Conor said caringly. “I wish I could have met her!” I bite my lip in anxiety. No-one really spoke about my sister to me, so I always found it awkward to talk about.

“I’m sure you and her would have got on! She’d have probably been a huge fan of yours!” I half smile, the fact I was talking about her and how she WOULD have been had she been alive always gets me, upsets me knowing it was my fault she died. Had I admitted I was Ella when we were in that house then Jake and Alice wouldn’t have even been involved. I don’t care what would have happened to me, everyone else would have been happy.

“I take that as a huge compliment!” Conor’s smile gets bigger. “Were you and her the same?” I nod.

“Well, mostly. We had the same dress sense, though we never dressed the same, the same sense of humour, same music taste. She was just a lot more confident than me! And I was so envious of her, of her beauty, her talent and her confidence…” I said, eyes glued to the floor, looking at my shoes.

“Babe, you are beautiful and talented!” Conor’s voice echoed through the room. “Don’t let yourself think otherwise…”

“Thanks.” I mumble. “But if I was so amazing, she wouldn’t have died. She would have been saved by her confident sister.”

“You can’t blame yourself for that!” Conor answered immediately, his face in utter shock at my statement.

“Conor, it was all my fault! We were twins, he only wanted me! But I was too scared to say I was Ella and Alice didn’t want me to admit it. We kept quiet. Then he took both of us.” My eyes well up and sting, my heart beats faster and a lump forms in my throat. “Why did I make it out? Why didn’t she?” I had pretty much forgotten Conor’s hairstylist was even in the room.

“Don’t talk like that!” Conor just about managed to say, his voice quiet and hurt obvious in his eyes. “Where would I be without you?” His voice wobbled. “I don’t mean any disrespect to your sister, not one bit, but you deserve to live. Look at you now, you’re here making me happy.”

“She deserved to live. She was the clever one, my parents favourite. She was 18! No-one deserves to die at that age!” I cry. “My parents were distraught by her death! More emotion was shown the day she died than has ever been shown with me. Look where I am now! Family-less! My parents pretty much ignored me from that day, when I became ruthless and distant, when my grades went down and I beat people up.” I shook my head, furiously blinking away the tears.

“Ella… Please… Just stop. Why can’t you see yourself in a good light? Your sister sounds like a lovely girl, but you’re here and you need to live your life.”