to the moon & to saturn | cate blanchett

chapter 29

It turned out that long distance was painstakingly impossible.

Well, not impossible - almost impossible.

Also: Agonizing. Gut-wrenching. Mind-numbing.

Lonely.

Elle experienced her emotions at tenfold. It was like she lived a completely stale existence before this - before Cate. She felt Cate's absence in every fiber of her being. Her body ached for Cate in more ways than one; she craved Cate's touch, but beyond that, she craved her presence, energy, and smell. She missed waking up next to her. She missed watching her sleep. She missed Cate's superhuman ability to comfort her, and the way she always had random thoughts to inject into conversations.

The time difference was the worst part of it all.

Distance was one aspect. Time was an entirely different problem, and a huge pain in the ass. Elle had classes most mornings, so by the time she was done with class, Cate was asleep. When Cate woke up, she could talk to Elle briefly before she needed to head to work. Sometimes they called during that time, but more often than not, they didn't.

Despite the challenges, their relationship remained strong and intact. They adapted to the time difference. Cate's lunch break became the designated time for them to chat. It was the perfect ending to the day for Elle — hearing Cate's voice and seeing her face (and sometimes, other parts of her body when her office door was closed) before she went to bed.

At the end of every call, Cate reminded Elle of the number of days until their reunion. The countdown was to her graduation date, so Cate made sure that her countdown reflected the date in America, not Australia.

Although Elle kept a countdown on her wall calendar, it was heartwarming to hear Cate say the number aloud and to hear it audibly go down as each day ticked by slower than the last.

For a month after Cate left for Australia, she called every night. After another month, this dwindled down to about three calls per week. The couple agreed that it was better that way; both Cate and Elle entered a busy season around the holidays. Cate was in the middle of marketing her winter collection for the American store and her summer collection for her Australian businesses, and Elle was in the midst of final exams for the semester.

Dylan went to visit her parents for a few days around Christmas, but Elle didn't feel up to tagging along. She still held resentment over David and Christina for ratting out her relationship to her mother. From Dylan's recap after she returned, it sounded like the Millers still disapproved of the relationship.

Instead, she had facetimed Cate from the comfort of her couch, curled up with a handful of blankets that were no match for the warmth of Cate's body. She sipped on a cup of peppermint hot chocolate. They watched Elf and The Grinch on Christmas Eve/Day (through the death sentence of their phone screens) while opening their one agreed upon present. Cate didn't want Elle spending unnecessary money on her.

For Cate's present, Elle settled on a couple of blank canvases and a set of professional quality brushes. The gift was definitely outside of her price range, but totally worth the expense for the tears of joy that overwhelmed Cate when she opened it.

"How did you know I wanted to get into painting?" Cate had asked in awe, sitting in the middle of her living room floor.

The answer was simple: Sarah. Elle wanted her first Christmas present to Cate to be perfect, so she enlisted the help of Paulson, who divulged that Cate expressed interest in oil painting multiple times throughout their friendship.

When it was Elle's turn to open her present, Cate mumbled something about it not living up to expectations, but when Elle unwrapped the snowflake paper, her own eyes filled with tears. It was a framed script from the pilot episode of her favorite TV show: Killing Eve. It would have been a spectacular gift on its own, but Cate went above and beyond by having the main cast — Sandra Oh, Jodie Comer, and Fiona Shaw — sign the front page, with little notes personalized to her.