to the moon & to saturn | cate blanchett

chapter 31

The hot May sun beat down on Elle's face as she sat in a chair on the football field surrounded by her entire graduating class. It was an insufferable time for the school colors to be black and gold. Her black gown absorbed the sun rays, leading to an uncomfortable sensation of sweat across her body. Her biggest worry coming into the ceremony was that her graduation cap would fall off, but there was no breeze, so she focused on an entirely new fear that she would trip on stage.

She caught Dylan's eye a few rows up. Her best friend had taken her cap off to avoid a weird tan line, which Elle thought was smart, but she didn't dare move her own cap due to the anxiety that she wouldn't be able to adjust it back to a state of perfection.

Dylan made a dramatic gesture like she was checking the time on an invisible watch. Every student was getting restless and impatient; they had been sitting in their seats for twenty minutes waiting for the band to commence the ceremony with the procession. Elle pretended to slice her throat with her finger. Dylan laughed, drew a heart in the air, and turned back around.

Each student received two tickets. For those lucky enough to have two supportive and active parents, like Dylan, it was an obvious choice. For Elle, it was a painful reminder. Her mother knew that she was graduating. Further, she knew the exact time and date of the ceremony. Cate had forced Elle to text her mother the details in case she wanted to show up.

"Leave the decision up to her," Cate had urged softly. "At least you know you did your part."

It was no surprise that she received no text reply from her mother, but it still hurt all the same. She tried not to focus on the broken pieces of her life, but sometimes it overwhelmed her in a way that was unavoidable.

She fanned herself with the printed program to alleviate some of the heat from her face. With a hand to her brow, she turned to the vast crowd in the bleachers. Her eyes glossed over the Millers, who waved hesitantly to her. She ignored them. It was inevitable that their paths would cross after the ceremony and throughout the moving out process, but she was avoiding that interaction until it would be impossible to do so.

Once her eyes settled on Cate, all of her nerves flushed out of her system. Her fiancee looked as elegant as ever, perched on the metal bleacher wearing tan pants, a black button up, and a white blazer despite the heat. A small pin was placed on the left lapel of her blazer — one Elle had begged her not to waste money on from the school's bookstore. However, Elle couldn't ignore the fact that it warmed her heart to have Cate's undivided attention and support.

Pulling her sunglasses down to the bridge of her nose, Cate's eyes locked with Elle's and they exchanged wide smiles. They were close enough that Elle could read Cate's lips as she mouthed the words "I'm proud of you."

Sheepishly, Elle's eye contact faltered. Her gaze flickered away to the crowd before landing back on Cate, whose expression changed into a mix of love and disappointment because Elle had a difficult time accepting a compliment. To show Cate that she appreciated her, Elle blew the woman a kiss. She quickly mouthed "I love you" as the band began to play.

The ceremony itself was unnecessarily long and drawn out. Once the procession finished, the president and class speaker took turns giving speeches about strength, perseverance, and the possibility of this new chapter in their lives. The only thoughts that inhabited Elle's head centered around tripping over her gown.

She imagined walking across the stage in a hurry, scrambling to reach for her diploma, catching her heel in the hem of her gown and tumbling down the stairs. The scenario played on repeat in her head until her name was next to be called. Her diploma would reflect her full name, but she put in a request to be called by her nickname only.