Gwynriel Fan Fiction

Chapter 8 - A lifetime is enough for Making New Memories

A/N : Few mentions of Gwyn's past, read at your own risk.

Azriel didn't know what to think, or do. He just stood there. Gwyn had forgotten all their memories. And she was his-his mate.

His beautiful mate. His lovely beautiful mate who was now looking at him. Her brows crunched, her lips in a tight line. And when he met her gaze, his heart only broke more.

He could see the curiosity in her eyes. About what the hell was going on. But he couldn't see the cheerfullness, the happiness in her eyes.

Azriel looked towards Rhysand, for a solution. But he could see Rhys was already trying to do that. And then he saw Rhysand's gaze shift towards Feyre. They were communicating, Azriel realized.

And then Rhysand suddenly said, "There is something we can do. We could do a memory tansplant, but I'd need to see all your memories with Gwyn. I'd need to make a copy of them in my brain, and make that copy in Gwyn's brain. But I'd always have that memory-"

"I'll do it" Nesta said, and Cassian and Emerie nodded. "Will she also be able to remember training this way? " Nesta asked, eager to do anything for her sister that would help.

"Yes, it will, but I could damage all your memories if even one thing goes wrong-", "It's fine, we'll do it".

"Well what about her and Azriel's personal training sessions? It's one of the reasons why she's the farthest in the training" Said Feyre and looked at Azriel.

And in a single second Azriel said, "NO" and showed more emotion than he had intended to. Rhysand was going to interrupt, but Azriel said before he could open his mouth, "We can catch up from our personal training" And he walked out of the room.

He had his reasons. He would not give up their memories, for they were too personal. He would not give up their memories, without Gwyn's consent.

Whenever Azriel used to be sad, she would try to cheer him up. Whenever he had a nightmare, his legs would instinctively walk him towards her room :

Azriel didn't know what had taken over his mind. But as soon as he had gotten that nightmare, he didn't know what else he could do.

That nightmare, the nightmare about Gwyn, about Gwyn being abused by those soldiers, again, and again, and again. And he- he just stood there, not being able to do anything.

And in the end, in the end of his dream, all she said in between sobs was - "If only you could have come a bit earlier, " And his dream had ended. And now he was here, he should just go back. Why burden her?

She'd just think he's trying to insult her? She'd think he wouldn't care. Why try? But he'd knocked. Once, twice, thrice he had knocked, yet no one had answered. He could feel her scent from across the door, but he- he didn't do anything.

He knew she felt it whenever he came near, yet he didn't knock again. And just when he was about to give up and leave, the door opened, with a Gwyn with tear stains on her cheek.

Azriel suddenly got worried, forgetting all about his nightmare, cause he saw Gwyn in that condition, and she was more important. He came in and closed the door behind him.

He cupped her cheeks and she lent into his touch, "Gwyn are you okay? " Azriel asked her, worry shown brightly in his voice and eyes. It broke his heart to see Gwyn like this.

To know that the lovable, cheerful valkyrie with a heart of gold had to fight demons which she did not deserve. And when he asked that Gwyn only shook her head frantically and sobbed.

He didn't know what to do, he wanted to save her, to rescue her from her demons, yet he was never the one for words. Gwyn's knees buckled and they bent and she was on the floor, her face in her hands.

He knew that being alone was never a good thing, and even the littlest of things were helpful during such times. So he hugged her, a bone crushing hug. He wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her close.

Her arms wrapped around his neck and she sobbed with her face in his shoulder. He started soothing her, slightly massaging her haid, playing with her strands, anything.

There was not a thing in this world which he would not do to protect Gwyn from her demons, yet, there was not a thing he could do. He didn't speak. They stayed there for a couple of minutes.

He knew that Gwyn would speak when she wanted to, and he would not force her. Soon she pulled away and looked into his eyes. Her sorrowful teal eyes pierced his soul, yet he didn't back away, didn't pull down from her gaze.

She stayed there and smiled a sad smile, a smile of gratefullness. And then she began. She told him about her nightmare, and Azriel stayed quiet, never interrupting her.

Cause his own senses had failed him. They had got the same nightmare, exactly the same. In which Azriel wasn't able to help Gwyn, in which it happened over and over again, but she didn't tell him the words she said at the end.

He knew she must have said those words in her nightmare as well, but she didn't tell him. For some reason she didn't, and Azriel respected that. And when Gwyn was finished, he felt like he needed to say the words, to tell her with a broken voice,

" Gwyn, I am always gonna come for you. I would never in my life leave you alone, I would never. I would never harm you on purpose and I will always come for you. And- and I am sorry that I was late, I am sorry that I wasn't there on time, if-if only-"

"Azriel it is not your fault. If it weren't for you, I- I don't know what would have happened. You came for me, when I thought no one would. You came for me when I thought I was alone. I would never blame you for what happened that night-"

"But"

"No buts Azriel. You saved me that night and I will forever be in your debt. But not for a single moment I will let you think that it was your fault. "

And when she stopped speaking, they just stared at each other. Azriel didn't know what to say or do. He had lived with the guilt every day of his life, the guilt of not coming sooner.

The guilt of not being able to save Gwyn before it was too late. But now in front of him, was this beautiful, strong woman, who fought her demons. And Azriel would not let her fight them alone.

And this was why he was not gonna give up their memories. He would not give up any of their memories, even to Rhys, without Gwyn's consent, not until it was a matter of life and death.

And they haf their whole lives ahead of them. 'Mated lives' azriel realized and smiled to himself. They had their whole lives ahead of them, and a lifetime was more than enough to make new memories.