Lost (MHA X HxH)

6

He spent the next few months training, sure his quirk was powerful but he needed to push it. And the best way to improve, was to break yourself. It was something that he'd learned a while back, you learn the most when there's pressure on your back. So he constantly let loose large explosions, they had some aftershocks on his arms but if he did it enough then they would disappear eventually. "DIEE!" he shouted, blasting a tree. There was a huge singe mark on it and it's bark was blown away in the middle, the trunk toppled and hit the ground with a thud. He grinned, then let loose a flurry of smaller explosions on the husk. It wasn't quite as great as stabbing people to release anger, but it was good enough. "KATSUKI! STOP MAKING ALL THAT NOISE!" Mitsuki hollered from a window. He turned and shouted back. "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS OLD HAG!" she shouted again through the window. "YOUR DISTURBING ALL THE NEIGHBORS!"

Deku started acting weird. Sure he stopped following Killua around, but he acted like he was half focused. He didn't quite follow in class and interrupted it a few times with his muttering. But a few months later he noticed it. The little shit was getting stronger. It was a subtle change, but he could tell. Is he...training? He'd better not apply damn it! He also brought a small one handed grip exerciser to class, fiddling with it under his desk as he worked. No, D-Damn it. He's going to try, he hasn't given up. But what changed? He couldn't figure it out. Damn you Deku.

He and Deku were next to each other in seating somehow, he tried his best to project a 'fuck off' aura but he kept chattering and glancing over at Killua every now and again. Soon enough it was time for the practical test, and he was ready. Killua had done research on the average speed of a person his age and practiced on keeping solid momentum. But what he couldn't stand...was the muttering. He'd been on the news for nearly getting killed by the sludge villain. Some people sneered him for being weak, others claimed he was strong for resisting so long, some pitied him. Most of it died down by the time it was time for the practical exam, but some people still chattered about him. The rules were easy enough. Kill robots, avoid the big one. He decided against using Nen for this, just his practiced top speed and strength plus half his quirk. He didn't want to go all out and break something, at least not yet.

"Go!" Killua launched forward, shooting past the rest. "There's no countdowns in real fights losers!" He shot over his shoulder as he went. People ran after him, he quickly found a target and exploded it. That was...easy. Now he just had to do that about 20 more times. He kept going, but they were starting to thin out. Killua got the awesome idea of using his explosions as heat signatures and/or noise makers to draw in more robots. He grinned, smashing and wrecking. He took note of strong people as well. There was a guy with spiked red hair who was pretty great, some girl with pink skin as well. Not that he cared, he just needed to stay ahead of the competition. There all extras. He spat internally. He got another, and another and another. Pure focus, nothing else mattered. His explosions were getting weaker so he hug his palms into some pouches he had on his hips. They were filled with weakened gunpowder, it should do the trick. He pulled them back out again and they were lightly dusted with black particals. He zapped them with his electricity as he smashed at another robot and it exploded bigger than the rest of them. Almost ran out of fuel there. Just like his electricity, the explosions needed to charge. He had started wearing a set of four pockets for just that occasion. The first two had very weak powder, it was for moments when he needed to just shove his hands in. the second was a very strong explosive. Only a quarter of each pouch was filled at all times, it was too dangerous to have any more. Not to mention the fact that the pouches were blast and flame proof for the most part, if his own explosions or sparks ever got to them it would be bad.

"LESS THAN 2 MINUTES REMAINING!" There was a large crash, but he kept himself focused. The zero pointer. He could sense it, the loud rumbling and the whirring of huge tires made it so obvious. Killua glanced up once, then nearly broke character out of pure shock. What the fu- The damn thing was massive. He ignored it, reigning in the other bots with small but bright booms and exploding them. Do they want people to die here? I mean I'm fine but will the others be? Not that he cared, they weren't in his mind right now. Killua actually stayed near the robot as he kept focus, everybody was running so they dropped the points they were after and ran. He avoided it's line of sight though, this was pretty easy to be honest because of its size however. People screamed, ran, hid, cried, but he kept his focus. I'm this close to my goal. As he was going, he started to think. But...what then? His goal would be reached, and within a week when he got his test results. "TIME'S UP!" Killua paused, panting a little. His hands kind of hurt from the constant barrage of explosions. He made his way over to the front area and saw an...old lady. She smiled and handed out gummies. "here ya go, don't eat 'em all at once" he was about to decline when he grunted slightly in pain as she set them in his hands. "I don't need...whatever the hell these are old hag" He snapped. She smiled. "Eat them, they'll recover your strength." Killua blinked. "Hah?" She had moved on though, and he looked skeptically down at the gummies. Whatever. Killua shoved all of them into his mouth, and to his surprise his hands stopped hurting. Interesting.

Nearly a week had passed, and one day he just...didn't feel it. Every now and again he had days when he just didn't get out of bed. Killua felt all the dark thoughts bubble up, he cried silently into his pillow. "Katsuki get your ass down here!" Mitsuki yelled from down the stairs. He didn't answer. D-Damn it. It gets worse and worse. The more time that passed, the worse these little spells would be. All his self doubt, all his heartbreak, all his loneliness, it would all bubble up to the surface all at once. And it hurts. It hurt so bad, but there was no cure. No way out, no fix, he just had to push through. But it was hard. "Katsuki!" She yelled again, this time more irritated. And what's the point? I got in right? Where do I go from here? He found the answer. I need to save someone. In order to fix his mistakes, he needed to save someone. But could he do it? "Katsuki I sai-" Mitsuki broke off as she walked in the door, seeing him crying silently into his pillow. She silently walked over and sat down next to him, placing a hand on his back. "One of those days?" She murmured softly. Killua wiped his eyes, then whispered. "Can I really do it?" She smiled. "Of course you can. Why would you think otherwise?" Killua was silent for a few moments. I don't...I still don't really trust her. Not fully. But...

"I...am I...good enough?" He mumbled, tears rolling down his cheeks. Can I really be a hero? With all the blood on my hands... It had never mattered before. He hadn't really cared about the dead bodies in his wake until after he'd known Gon for some time. Could he really be Gon's friend if he was a monster? Yes. He had said, your my best friend Killua. She ran her hand soothingly up and down his back. At least, it was supposed to be soothing. And then after he...was gone. "It's getting worse and worse" She said softly. He nodded a little, then squeezed his eyes shut and held the pillow a little tighter. Mitsuki's hand vanished and she exited the room, Killua was alone. Not that he minded, he'd rather be alone. If he was alone he didn't have to hold anything in. The tears cascaded down his face, his quiet sobs echoing slightly around the room. Killua heard footsteps. He quieted himself again as Mitsuki walked back in, she had a bottle of something and a cup of water. Killua sat up with a blank expression as she sat down, then opened the bottle. "This might help a little, we had some in the cabinet from a while ago when Masaru's father died" He blinked, then read the label. There anti-depressants. He sighed, taking the pill. "It won't work" She frowned slightly. "Of course it will, it just takes time-" Killua knocked back a pill, then snatched the bottle. She tried to stop him as he swallowed five. "Killua your gonna kill yourself!" She half shouted.

He paused, then he took another. "If only I wasn't immune to drugs" She froze, eyes wide. Killua lay back on the bed, wiping his eyes a little. "Poisons, sedatives, painkillers, medicine, none of it works" He mumbled. "Why?" He looked down. "Immune to it" He mumbled into the pillow once more, the ache in his chest got more prominent when he remembered the hunters exam as he downed two bottles of laxative induced juice. Mitsuki got up, then left the room. The bottle was still on his bed, but she had taken the water with her. What's the point?

Mitsuki came back about 5 hours later, she had a new bottle in her hands. "I told you I-" She sat down on the bed, then opened the bottle. "I want you to try it" He sighed, then sat up. "But why?" He said tiredly. She smiled. "It won't hurt, and I got it specially made" He took the cup, then looked down at the pill. It was a capsule roughly an inch long with a strange almost holographic shine to it. Let's just get it over with. He knocked back the pill with some water, then froze. His heart beat started to slow almost instantly. What- "Did it work?" He looked away. "I...don't know" He didn't feel all that different. "There not real drugs. I went to a person who specialized in making treatments for 'untreatable' people. It's usually when someone's allergic to a specific drug and they need a cure that has it" His eyes widened slightly. It wasn't...these pills, they aren't actual drugs. There quirks, something I'm not trained to be immune to. "Now, since there so strong and quick acting it's a once a month thing. If you take two of them it could overload your system and cause severe damage." She frowned slightly. "Since you're not immune to it, I think that would affect you as well. Unlike with the last bottle you don't have a resistance" He nodded slowly, looking down at the bottle in his hands. I don't really know what it does, but it did something. I'll...I'll wait and see where this goes. He looked over at the picture on his nightstand. I'll do it. For you.

1939 words

To be continued...

This fic is finally being continued! The next chapter will be written approximately 4 years after I wrote this one. A personal record of mine. Just a little warning there might be small tweaks in the plot due to the fact that I haven't fucking written on this in fourish years. Also just a trigger warning that any attempted suicide scenes from here on out will probably be more graphic