Ya'aburnee

Sing a Song of Sadness

She sobbed, face twisting as she fell to her knees on the stone, clutching the now bloody frame to her chest. "Olivia!" Bilbo's voice was close behind her as he panted, running up to stand beside her. He looked at her in concern, not sure what exactly to do. "Olivia... I..." She turned to face him and he gulped at the tears and blood on her face. 

"Sorry..." Her face softened, setting the frame down softly, face up, the feeling of pain in her hands finally registering to her brain. Bilbo couldn't keep his gaze from flickering to the photo. "My family," She sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. "They uh... they died..."

She gulped, looking down at her bloody hands, the red liquid seeping into her skirt and blouse. She felt Bilbo's hand rest hesitantly over her shoulder. "I'm sorry..." His voice was gentle, as if it might break her. Silent tears continued streaming down her cheeks. After a few moments, Bilbo spoke again. "You should really let Oin have a look at your hands... they're cut pretty badly."

She nodded, sniffling, grabbing for the picture again, but Bilbo picked it up for her, carefully. "Can I take this out and leave the frame?" He asked, and she nodded, the Hobbit expertly removing the photo. "I'll hold onto it so you don't get blood on it, alright." She nodded again and stood, face tearstained as the Hobbit led her quietly back to the group.

All talking fell to a hush as the pair entered, staring at her, the woman shifting uncomfortably. "What are you staring at?" Thorin's deep voice permeated the air, the dwarves all shifting uncomfortably, returning to their conversations as Thorin crossed the room to Olivia and Bilbo.

"Her hands need bandaging," Bilbo spoke for her, for which she was grateful, not trusting her voice.

Thorin nodded. "Oin!" The dwarf in question looked up, and Thorin motioned him over.

***

She looked out across the valley as Oin bandaged her hands, holding them out before her so he could wrap the cloth around them. The disinfectant had stung, and the pain was still bringing tears to her eyes, but she fought to keep her hands from clenching and pulling away. She tensely hummed, trying to distract herself from the pressure of the bandages on her wounds.

Bombur tentatively spoke to Olivia. "What is that tune you're humming lass?" She turned, and he looked like he was walking on eggshells. She wanted to assure him that it was okay, and distract from the scene she had caused, so she answered him.

"It's called Ya'aburnee." She smiled slightly.

"Ya'aburnee?" Fili pronounced it poorly. "What does that mean?"

"Um... it roughly translates to 'you bury me.'" As she spoke, Oin let her know he was finished, and she dropped her hands to her lap, turning to face the group more fully. "It describes a feeling, of loving someone so much, that you hope that you will die first, so you will not have to live without them. Literally 'You will bury me.'" She smiled wryly. "It is a little selfish, in a way, if you think about it." She stood, walking back over to her bag. While she had been gone, it was righted and the glass had been cleaned. Bilbo had slipped the photograph back inside the bag when they had returned as well.

She opened it carefully, wincing, drawing out a clean set of clothes to go change. She would have to change back into traveling clothes before dawn anyways. A hesitant voice asked quietly from behind her, "Could you sing it to us?"

She smiled slightly, genuinely this time, turning to look at the group. "Let me change first, Ori. But yes, if you would like, I will sing it."

He smiled and nodded and she turned, finding a private place to change.

***

There was soft conversation when she returned, the dwarves getting ready to take their final sleep in Rivendell, no longer looking at her as if she might burst into tears at any moment. She set up her bedroll as well, with a little help from Bilbo, for her hands still stung badly, and she sat cross-legged at the foot of it.

"Well then?" Bofur broke the silence, "Are you waiting for a musical accompaniment, or what?"

She laughed slightly, shaking her head. She took a deep breath and steadied herself, closing her eyes so she would not see everyone watching her.

"I get undertones of sadness

When I think about the moments
That I never got to spend with you
I can't decide
If I love you more in morning
Or I love you more at night

With its luminous lux tides
Maybe in the daylight
All its pretty madness
And the complicated status
'Cause the moon don't pick sides
And the sun won't resign
Until you're by my side

Because the longing leads to leaving
And the loving leads to bleeding
And your beauty is a blessing
And I never got to tell you how
I lovе the way my eyes makе yours look grey too

I think we could live forever
In each others faces  'cause I'll
Always see my youth in you
And if we don't live forever
Maybe one day we'll trade places
Darling you will bury me
Before I bury you

I'll never know
If there's danger in confession
Or it's memory that presses
Like a blade against my throat
Another word and I could choke
But what's worse?
Telling you my feelings
Or to die without revealing that
You crawled inside my head And set a fire there instead
Letting all my insecurity
Devour me with certainty
That love is just a currency
So take my pockets, take me whole
Take my life and take my soul
Wrap me in a wedding ring
You know I swear I'd give you anything

And I think we could live forever
In each other's faces 'cause I'll
Always see my youth in you
And if we don't live forever
Maybe one day, we'll trade places
Darling, you will bury me
Before I bury you
Before I bury you"

She opened her eyes again, biting her lip nervously as she looked upon her companions. She had changed one of the words to better suit her. She had always loved the song, and had thought it was beautiful, even before she fully comprehended the meaning. 

Gloin spoke first, clearing his throat. "Very lovely, lass. A touching melody."

She grinned, bowing in thanks. 

"Did you write it yourself?" Bofur asked.

"Oh, no, no," She laughed, face pink. "I'm flattered, but no. I don't have the skill to write something like this." She knew she didn't have the prettiest voice in the world, but she was glad to share the music, and it released some of the pain from her heart without her having to spill her guts to the company.

"What was that word again?" Kili asked. "The name of the song?"

"Ya'aburnee," Olivia repeated, and Kili mimicked the word poorly, and she giggled. "No, Yah-ah-burn-ay." She sounded the word out slowly, Kili repeating it more correctly this time.

"Ya'aburnee. Hmm. Romantic word." Kili replied, and she laughed.

"It can be." Her expression sobered slightly. "But it can be about family as well, or friends." She shifted her thoughts, eyes brightening slightly. "Though if you are speaking to a maiden you will want to say Ta'aburnee instead, unless you intend to refer to her as male."

There was some teasing towards Kili at that, but Olivia just smiled, turning from the group to lie down and sleep. "Get some rest," Thorin ordered the whole group. "We depart an hour before dawn."