My suicide story...

My "thoughts"

I always thought it strange. The thoughts roaming around my head, normal ones like, "I hate this stupid work they give us." Or "I wonder if I'll finish this game before him.." They were never complicated or anything, until one day... They were different. I started thinking about suicide... I had never expected I would, then again, who does? When bad things would happen to me, like the insults and occasional being pushed by the bully, I started thinking "I hate going though this... I just want it to end. I want it all to end😢" I didn't know what to think other then wanting to end it all. I suppose it kinda sounds stupid when others have stuff worse off then me, but were all different, I guess. I just... Didn't know how to handle this, this sadness I feel when they torment me, the anger and depression... What was I to do? Would my friends support or laugh at me too? I was so confused... I had no one there for me, no one to wipe my tears, to say that it's all gonna be okie, or to just hold me while I cried into there chest. I was there for others, i couldn't be there in person, as those friend were online on a website called Quotev, I even helped a few out of suicide they were good friends some I didn't even know but, I still stayed with them, stayed up all night if they didn't want to be alone I stayed up with them and distracted them by asking what they were distressed about, telling them stupid jokes, making them laugh, and in the end they were alright, happy even. And if they tried cutting again I would tell them this, "I'll make you a promise. If you cut, then so will I. For every cut you make I will make one as well. So you won't have to go through the pain alone." It seems a bit wrong to do that but it works, they stopped cutting like they tried so hard to do. I was happy for them, that they could smile again. But... I wish I had that one person who would do that for me....