My suicide story...

A new friend?

Despite my depressed behavior, I loved music, I play the French horn and learned a bit of piano, but my favorite was violin. The sound that could make you weep or dance with glee, I wished I could play like that but practice makes perfect right? ANYWHORE I also loved an elective in my school, it was called ROTC, it was a army thing. Teaching us how to march, putting us through competitions, and training us. And tell us of the opportunities of joining the army, and the benifits it could give us. It was fun though and I loved it, I met my boyfriend in that class (tho we didn't start dating until after he had graduated)..... It was during an 'end of school trip' we went to a resort that had a pool and was by the frio river, we could go canoeing and could play football and go on hikes, it was so much fun. But during the trip I felt.... Lonely, I had only a few friends that had went but I didn't talk to them. One day by the pool one of them pushed me in and I landed on top of a guy named, Abel. I got scared as it was a little too deep for me, and me being the weirdo I am haha held onto him for dear life. After that we started talking more, I guess I could always thank him for that because he was a distraction from cutting, he made me laugh and we joked around. But afterwards, after we would stop talking I found myself sinking back into these thoughts, I couldn't help it and I ending up cutting again. He had asked me if something was wrong and... I sent him a picture of my still bleeding wrist. He said he cried that night knowing he could've stopped me, but how if I never had the courage to tell him? After that I guess I felt... Closer to him, comforted that he cared for me, enough to ask what was wrong. While he was there every 7th period, I would stop by his class just to speak with him for just a few minutes. I loved it, I would ask how his day was, and we would talk about random things until the late bell rang and he would shoo off to class, but I wouldn't leave without a hug first haha... But, good things never last and he had graduated, he was 2 grades above me. I felt sad because I though this was the end of something... Something that I wanted to happen but I thought he could never feel the same as I felt for him. I was nothing, nothing but a waste of space....