i checked the scale for the first time in three months
and the LED lights shine 153.0
and i cant help but think
"at least i didn't gain any since last time"
but i cant help but remember
that exactly a year ago i weighed in at 114.7
and i was five inches shorter
and i remember my doctor telling me when i was twelve
"you'll be 160 by seventeen"
and i think that
maybe two meals a day with coffee is two meals too much
i always say i \have bags under my eyes but i dont know what bags are
ive been the purplish bruises under my friend's eyes
but she got four hours of sleep and ive functioned four days on ten
i see the purple under my eyes and i think theyre just shadows
because what am i compared to others with worse problems
scars fade nicely nowadays
but you can still see the inflamed FAT
and where i carved XX =/= XY
or the box on my right hip and on my left thigh
stretch marks cover the first five inches of my thigh
and handmade scars blend in perfectly
my mother told me that i had a great hourglass figure
but the sand is hatred and its slowly filling the rest of my body
and i cant seem to find a way to stop it from filling
(besides, my hips fill waistbands that scream FEMALE
and my chest screams CUP C)
i find ace bandages that dont stretch with each breath
but theyre too loose and in the middle of the movie i feel them fall
i sit in the fro-yo shop with wide eyes think
"oh shit people can tell"
but i never fooled them
for all my physical errors my mental ones have a tenfold more and if my body burns my brain with a pH of 0 then my head is already empty and im just filling it with songs sung years before
YOU ARE READING
alimento mori
Randomn. the insomnia-borne jolt of awareness that you will die. write it down before it's gone and let everyone see it because you exist, you exist, that sylvia plath quote running through your head, tattoo it on your veins, remind yourself you are here...
