alimento mori

a poem i didn't want to write

I didn't want to write this.
I didn't want to write about how it ended,
About how my heart was broken by a beautiful girl.
And you're still beautiful.
There's something beautiful in chaos, right?
That's the metaphor.
Everyone loves comparing girls to perfect storms.
Girls, with their wild eyes bright like lightning, that
Ruin lives like tornados,
Raining hail on unsuspecting victims.
It's easy to fall in love with storms
When I'm inside the house.
I'm not scared of being soaked to the bone,
Of being swept away.
Summer thunderstorms are so beautiful,
The rain coming in after a dry spell.
I was the dry, dry grass, soaking up
Whatever you would give me.
I didn't think about prolonged exposure.
The ground around me wouldn't erode,
I wasn't going to be trapped in this flood.
We all think that the future won't come.
And it's hard to think about the future
When I'm so scared of what it will bring.
I read my tarot cards and I avoided The Lovers,
But I know that any card can tell me what's coming next.
Death next to the Two of Cups.
The end of a relationship.
And maybe it was ready dying out but
That doesn't invalidate the fact that I was willing to try.
I wanted to keep trying.
I never apply myself because I'm terrified of failure,
Of that void in my chest growing larger with every screw up.
I don't try at most things,
But I was willing to try at us.
I don't want to say that you never did but
I know it wasn't all on me.

whats that?? more sad post break up prose?? hahaha u betcha!!! but this is the end of it i think