A few months passed, and I began to feel like I really belonged at the Hotel Deucalion. But in the back of my head, a little voice kept pestering me with the truth – nobody here actually knew me, my past or what I am.
At first, I tried to look at this with an 'I can remake myself' sort of view, but as I soon found out, some aspects of what makes you, you are there to stay. Such as my knack. I knew it would never go away, no matter how much I wished it would, and trust me, I was wishing more than anyone could ever wish for something.
And alongside these thoughts of belonging and wishes for something I'd never be able to have – or not have, in this case – I felt guilty. I was hiding a part of who I am from the people I trust. Or the people I thought I trusted. Perhaps that trust just wasn't strong enough yet? I could tell them in a few years, maybe? When I trusted them more?
But what would they say? Would they be okay with my knack? Would they be disappointed that I hadn't said anything earlier?
And beyond that – would I be able to make it that long?
Since I had run away from the Forest of Somerher, I noticed my knack worsening. Strengthening is probably the correct term to use here, but at the time, I saw my knack as nothing but a burden, to other people and to myself. I felt like a burden. I was a kid who had no idea where he was going or what he was doing in life.
Day by day, I was experiencing more strange bright lights and other glowing shapes and squiggles. It was dizzying. But I had only passed out once... maybe twice. And I hadn't thought it was that bad. Besides, how would you go about stopping a Witness from seeing the Gossamer?
Sunglasses? A blindfold?
It was one of the days where I nearly passed out when I finally decided I should go speak to Jupiter about my knack.
I was in my room, lying on my bed reading a book as I usually was, when I felt the nauseating headache building up from behind my eyes that I had associated with the Gossamer. So, I put my book down and squeezed my eyes shut, refusing to see the Gossamer.
Usually, when this happened, the pain would last up to five minutes, and when I would open my eyes, there would only be very dull lights around which I could blink away. However, the pain did not go away this time, and though I really didn't want to, I was forced to open my eyes. And, as soon as I did, I shut them again.
I could hardly see out of them, anyway.
All I had seen was the Gossamer; bright lights all over the place, and so many colours. Everything was so vibrant. I could hardly see the room, and the bits that I could were firmly strung to the Gossamer.
Even with my eyes closed, I could still feel the Gossamers presence. It felt like it was trying to suffocate me. It was terrifying.
It was at that moment when I realised I needed to do something about it... realised I needed to talk to someone about it.
So, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes slightly, just enough to make out what was directly in front of me – crashing into a wall because I had my eyes closed did not sound fun – and slid off my bed to walk to my door.
I closed the door slowly behind me and stood there for a moment, leaning against it. As I stood there, I closed my eyes again, the bright pink light of the hallway becoming too much. With another breath, I felt the painful headache subsiding, and by the time I found myself in front of Jupiter's office, it was nothing more than a dull throb behind my eyes.
And fortunately, my sight of the Gossamer had also faded so that when Jupiter opened the door to his office, all I could see was the faint, happy yellow glow that emitted from him.
Written: 14 + 18 September, 2021
Published: 18 September, 2021
Well, hello there! Haven't seen you in a while, have I? Terribly sorry about that... I got to the point of the term where all the assessments were due, which was extremely stressful, and I have had school camp in the last few days. But, I am on holidays now! So that means more time to write! And I'm really looking forward to doing so!
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Sentiment of a Witness
FanfictionJupiter looked down at his hands and shrugged, "I think he's embarrassed. People tend not to like Witnesses - it's hard to be friends with someone who can see all your secrets." Perhaps embarrassed isn't quite the right word to use here. How about s...