Sentiment of a Witness

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑... 𝚘𝚛 𝙼𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝙸𝚝

Jupiter let me into his study and gestured for me to sit down in the chair opposite to his chair, the desk between them. As he sat down and offered me a cup of tea, I felt as if he had been expecting me.

We sat in silence, me looking down intensely at my cup of tea, and Jupiter watching me while slowly sipping his own cup. I swung my legs nervously, the ground being a few inches away.

I didn't know what to say. If I had any ideas previously, they were gone, but I hadn't. So, I sat there hoping that Jupiter might say something that would give me a lever into the conversation, but he didn't.

At least not yet, he didn't.

I could hear the clock ticking on the wall and, the fire crackling in the hearth by the lounge. I could also hear my pulse as it quickened, if ever so slightly. And besides that, I could feel Jupiter's eyes wandering over me; once again, it was like he was reading me. So, I tried to block it out.

I didn't want him to know what this was about until I told him. When I would be ready for whatever outcome would bring.

And yet, I feel like nothing would have ever prepared me for the outcome I was given.

I bit my lip, chancing a glance up at Jupiter. The look he gave me spoke louder than any words I'd ever heard before. Through that expression and those eyes, I was told that I was safe, that I would be heard, that I'd still be loved, and that I still belonged. And he was waiting patiently for me to speak.

I opened my mouth, unsure of what to say, but now feeling the need to say something before quickly closing it again and looking back down.

Sitting there, I began questioning whether this was a good idea. Was it too late to leave? Could I make something up instead? But judging by Jupiter's expression, I'd have to tell him the truth.

But what even was the truth – the whole truth or partial truth?

I could practically feel Jupiter's frown.

"Hey, what's bothering you?"

I looked up again to see Jupiter resting his cheek against his hand, head cocked with a concerned expression.

"I-I-I... uhm..."

Jupiter smiled softly, "it's okay, take your time – tell me when you're ready."

I nodded, trying to smile back at him.

I felt disappointed. And guilty.

I was disappointed in myself that I hadn't been able to tell Jupiter anything, that I didn't – couldn't – trust him enough, and I felt guilty because I didn't. I had also wasted his time, something that I don't think adults ever have enough of.

I looked back at my tea, picking it up with slightly shaky hands and took a sip, hoping that it would calm me enough to tell Jupiter that I was at least experiencing some problems with what I believed to be my knack.

That's all I had to say – I didn't have to say what it was unless he asked, I didn't have to say anything about my parents, and I, therefore, didn't have to witness any more heartbreak, pun unintended.

Placing my teacup down and settling my hands on the edge of the table, I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath.

"I-I... have a, uh..."

A what, John?

A problem? A mild inconvenience? A pain in the ass? All of which equivalates to a knack.

I really didn't know how to go about this conversation. Why hadn't I thought about it beforehand? It would have been a brilliant idea to.

"I-I-I'm..." I tried again, still getting nowhere.