Linda's Story

Everything Has Changed

The O'Shea family dynamic changed when Linda was around eleven and a half years old. She was in fifth grade, Jimmy in seventh, when she noticed everything had changed. The first major change was she had become a woman, which she was slowly learning it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. Then Jimmy started to act different, too, weirdly. Looking back, she knew it started that April, when she got her first period.

Two months later, Mama and Papa had told her and her siblings that Papa "had to go on a very important business trip".

"That's great!" She had smiled, "they've never sent you on a trip before!"

Far into the future, when she would be thinking on this moment with a glass of wine in her hand, she would realize how gullible and naïve she really was at that age. At the moment, though, she believed her parents.

Her eleven year old mind had zoned out on the details of the trip, and had focused on her brother instead. Jimmy was acting weird, she knew this for a fact. He would avoide meals- not that they ever ate together as a family anyways- and was taking more intrest in the basketball team. Ordinarily, that wouldn't be sucha big deal, but he had told her how he desteted basketball and didn't want anything to do with it. Now he was on the team; even to a young, naïve mind that scenario raised a few flags.

After the "family meeting", Linda sought out her brother. "Jimmy-"

"Not now, HP. I'm busy," he closed his bedroom door on her face, making her frown. She knocked, needing an answer. He yelled through the door, "I said not now!"

She stomped away to her room, wondering why Jimmy was being a jerk to her.

*************
~Two weeks later~

In the still dark room, the words cut her heart like a knife. She wasn't even supposed to hear them, but they'd forever be in her brain.

"Why'd you have to go and have another f***ing baby?!" Her father, Tony, yelled loudly. Even at the tender age of eleven, she could tell he was drunk.

"Me?!" Her mother Marni spat back, "I'm not the one who impregnates me! You and your diseased sick do that!"

What's a dick? Linda thought as she clutched her stuffed rabbit- Bun Bun.

"I never even wanted kids!"

"You should've thought of that before sticking you dick into me! You f***ing asshole!"

"I don't even want her! She's such a nuisance! Wendy and Jimmy aren't this much work! But Linda!" Tony groaned dramatically, and the sound of glass breaking carried into Linda's room. "She's a motherf****ing pain in the ass!"

"I don't care what you think of her! I'm not putting up with your cheating any longer!"

Cheating? Was Papa getting test answers from Mama? Linda was confused; she didn't know about what she would later classify as "just about the worst sin"... yet.

"I'm not putting up with your bullshit about how you were 'unfulfilled' as a hairdresser." Tony looked her in the eye, "a cocktail waitress? Seriously?"

"At least I'm doing something with my life! Unlike someone else I could name."

Linda curled into a ball when she heard the familiar slap of a hard hand to a soft cheek. She hid her head on her pillow, pulled the blankets over her head, and cried herself back to sleep that night.

Her father didn't love her- he didn't even want her. His words would stick with her all her life.

*********

~ Summer, 1991~

Linda was determined to have a good time that day. She wasn't going to let the events of the night before put a damper on her day with her boyfriend.

She wore a plain, short sleeved yellow shirt and a shirt brown skirt. She felt good in that outfit, she felt confident. She felt sexy. She marched out of her house and to the bus stop, where they had agreed to meet.

She waited ten minutes before her ride arrived. She pushed her big sunglasses higher on her nose and tossed her purse into the car before getting in. She kissed her boyfriend hello, "let's go."

"Where do you wanna eat?" Danny asked, glancing over at his girlfriend.

"Outside." She was determined to keep her Audrey Hepburn sunglasses on her face.

"Hotdogs in the park?"

"Throw in ice cream, and you've got a deal."

He chuckled, "deal."

They made friendly conversation until Danny parked in the parking lot across from the hotdog vendor. He held on tightly to Linda's hand as they crossed the street- he knew she didn't like crossing, even in crosswalks.

After their hotdogs were ordered, they found a picnic table to enjoy them.

"So why'd you want to eat outside?" Danny wondered, taking a bite.

"It's a nice day." She shrugged, quickly taking a sip of her soda to cover up the lie.

Danny didn't believe that that was the whole truth. So, never one to beat around the bush, he straight out asked, "did something happen since the last time I saw you? Something you don't want to tell me?"

She dipped her head to take a bite of her hotdog, "no. Why?"

He leaned closer to the table, questioned in a stage whisper, "Linda, did you cut yourself again?"

Her head popped up at that, "no!" She did not like the look on his face- a look that said he didn't believe her. "I didn't! Look!" She dropped her hotdog into the carton and showed him her wrists.

There weren't any fresh cuts. "You can tell me anything, you know that, right? And I won't tell a single soul.... unless you're in some kind of danger."

Linda sighed- she wasn't getting out of this. She pushed her sunglasses onto her head like a headband, revealing an angry purple mark beneath and around her eye. "Pa... Tony came back yesterday afternoon. Mama was working at night, so I cooked dinner... I thought he liked chicken!"

"He hit you because he didn't like your chicken?"

"Yes." She put her sunglasses back over her eyes. "Please don't tell your parents. He doesn't do it often, and I can hide the bruises."

I probably deserved it anyway went unspoken. It would remain unspoken, if it was up to Linda.

"Bruises? There's more than one?"

She cringed; she had a problem with her mouth speaking before her brain filtered her thoughts.

Her lip quivered, and she hated it. She hated how her first response was to cry to everything. "Please don't tell anyone. Please! I'll be out of that house as soon as I can, it's only one more school year! If you're really my friend, you won't tell anyone."

Quietly, Danny countered, "if I was really your friend, I'd tell someone."

She sniffled, looked down at her hotdog in disgust. She didn't say anything as her throat tightened and her stomach did flip-flops. She jumped when Danny was suddenly next to her.

Danny took her sunglasses off, held them in his hands. He pushed Linda's hair behind her ear, then gently pressed a kiss to the bruise around her eye.

She turned her head to look at him questioningly. She flinched only a little when he put his arm around her.

"I won't say anything this time, but the next time, I'm going to tell my Dad."

She rested her head on his shoulder, her tears still silently flowing, praying there wouldn't be a next time.

There would be a next time, and for a little while, Danny wouldn't be there to hold her or to prevent it from happening. The next time Danny learned of it, he would witness it first hand, and do something about it.