even after getting a ride back home, i felt the need to run inside as fast as possible. i knew takuya had no information about where i lived, but it still felt like he was right behind me. i saw the texts and i saw the missed calls. i may have left him at the motel, but he's still out there.
running up the stairs had nearly knocked me out at this point. being on one of the top floors of the complex never bothered me before, but it sure did now. i had to stop to catch my breath, but i still kept going.
he was far, far away but i still had to keep running.
at this point, i couldn't tell if i was scared of takuya or if i was scared of what i had done. maybe it was both. one ugly mistake has caused so much pain and i was too scared to even look.
by now, my head is pounding and my chest is tight with pain. i'm standing right in front of my door, frantically trying to find my key. as i check all my pockets, i panic at the thought that i might have lost them.
what if i left them at the motel? what if takuya found them?
my panic only dies down a little when i feel it in the inside pocket. but still, i'm rushing to get inside and away from everything else.
"hey, tae-"
"AH!"
i shriek at the sound of his voice and nearly lose my balance. i almost thought it was him due to their voices quite similar. but the light brown hair and concerned eyes that greet me assure me that i'm safe for now.
"sorry..."
"are you okay?"
he carefully makes his way over to me as i am still trying to catch my breath.
"what happened? you look like you're gonna faint!"
as he is leading me inside the apartment, i find it hard to look him in the eyes. here he is, worried sick about me and i just cheated on him not even twenty-four hours ago.
"i'm...i'm fine."
"oh, please!"
he places a hand on my waist while guiding my to the couch.
"do you need to lay down? what can i do?"
"what?"
i feel the leather crinkle beneath me as i sit. with my nerves starting to subside, i begin to realize how long it was since yuta has treated me this way. it wasn't that he was mean to me most of the time, but it was like he didn't have the time to be around anyone lately.
"you just lay down and i'll get you some water, okay?"
even now, i struggle to look at him directly. i just nod before hearing him shuffle to the kitchen. again, i am alone with my thoughts and my mistakes.
how could i have done this? how could i have done this to yuta?
it seems that he's already come back in such a short time. yuta takes a seat beside me with a water bottle in hand. i can only mumble "thank you".
"what's going on, tae? are you okay?"
"i..."
"i get it if you don't want to talk with me," he started.
"i'm sorry for not really being there. "
"yuta,"
"but this isn't about me. right now, i just want to help you. you can tell me what's wrong if you're comfortable."
it was like a knife to the ribs. twisting with every moment of guilt that i felt.
"thank you, um..."
i couldn't even find the courage to tell the truth.
"i swear to you that i'm fine. i just don't think i've been eating a lot, so i'm just really drained."
he put an arm around me with his thumb rubbing against my shoulder.
"you sure?"
reluctantly, i nod. i just can't stop lying!
"yes, i'm sure."
"well, if you're hungry then we can order something if you want?"
"really?"
"yeah! whatever you want."
this was the kindness that i remembered so much. even though i give him a warm smile, i know that i don't deserve this.
