by the time i'm awake the sun begins to rise. he hasn't woken up yet, but his whole body was faced towards me and his arms reached out for my own.
i turned my head to the clock on the nightstand which continuously blinked 6:12 am.
as i took in my surroundings, i began to feel a great wave of embarrassment and guilt. i started to feel the full regret of my decisions. it finally sunk in for me.
i cheated on yuta. i'm a cheater.
i kept asking myself why i would do such a thing. all the excuses i came up with just weren't good enough. nothing could excuse the horrible thing that i did.
i felt so dirty. and looking at takuya buried in the pillows asleep didn't help either. i tried my hardest to sit up and out of the bed without waking him, my breathing heavy and bit too loud.
i rummaged through the room trying to find my clothes. somehow, they had reached the small desk on the opposite side of the room which was odd to me. i didn't have any memory of doing that...
as i began to roll my shirt back on, i heard the blankets start to shuffle and i froze.
"leaving so soon?"
i tried not to turn to face him as i continued to put my clothes back on.
"i thought we could sleep in a bit?"
i could hear him sitting up, and then i heard his footsteps. i went to grab my jacket.
"i can't..."
"how come? do you have work—"
"i'm sorry, i..." i tried to zip up my jacket as fast i could, but my hands were shaking so much it felt like such a chore to do.
"i-i can't. i ...i shouldn't have done this— we shouldn't have done this."
"tae—"
"this isn't fair to you or yuta! i don't want to be this kind of person."
i tried to leave the room but then he said something that made me freeze in my tracks.
"like what? say it!"
i clenched my fists as i fought back the tears in my eyes.
i couldn't even say it out loud.
"look," i start with my voice all shaky. "what happened last night... we can't do that ever again. yuta's my boyfriend and i love him from the bottom of my heart. this isn't fair to anyone if we keep doing this, and you know that."
at first, it seemed as though he was hurt which i could understand. i didn't want him to hurt, but i knew that this would be inevitable.
but the hurt in his eyes soon faded away. he looked almost...bitter and resentful.
"it doesn't have to end this way, taeyong."
takuya's calm demeanor was surprisingly chilling, and in that moment i couldn't understand why.
"y-yes, it does," i replied nervously. "i'm sorry, takuya. i have to go."
"no."
his sudden change of tone caused me to flinch. i felt uneasy staying in that room with him. everything about him was different and i didn't really know why. all i knew was that i had to get out of there.
i rushed to the door, and seeing him march his way to me brought me an intense amount of panic. i fumbled with the doorknob before finally getting out of the room. i quickly shut the door and ran off, hearing loud bangs behind me.
i couldn't look back. in a way, i too scared to do so. i didn't want to see him following me.
"TAEYONG!"
hearing takuya shout for me only made me pick up my pace. i tuned out the rest of his shouting, and tried to figure out to get back home.
