Personal Justice

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a/n: broken record, I know, but work, dance, school and clubs are kicking my ass, I'm sorry. Hope you enjoy, sorry in advance. Also, please remember to comment and vote, it makes my day!

Y/N's POV:

I looked around my room to see Leo gone, and Emily in tears. I was still a little out of it from the anesthesia, but I knew something was wrong. I saw the hole in the wall and immediately asked, "Babe what happened?" and looked down at my legs, which were covered by a blanket. I pulled down the covers as Emily opened her mouth to talk and let out a relieved sigh and said "Thank God" when I noticed they were both still there, and I no longer had an exterior rod in one. I looked over at Emily again who had a slight smile on her face, but tears still in her eyes, "Baby, I'm okay."

"I know love, and I am so ecstatic that you're alright, but it's... it's something else." She admitted while trying to keep a steady voice, but failing towards the end. She gave me a sad look that I knew all too well.

"Who is it?" I asked looking straight at her trying to keep my cool.

"What do you mean?" She asked confused while rubbing my arm and taking a seat.

"Who's dead? I know that look, we give that look to people far too often, and I've gotten that look more times than I care to admit. Who died Emily?" I asked trying to distance myself from the situation and get the facts straight.

"Love, I am so sorry..." she looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath then looked at me, gave me a sorry look and shakily revealed, "Scotty y/n, Scotty was killed."

I gasped and looked straight at the ceiling and closed my eyes. I just got out of surgery, this is probably some anxiety dream, and I haven't even woken up yet. I told myself that while sobbing for a few minutes until Emily finally spoke up and said, "I don't know much about how he died, but I know he went bravely, I know he had dignity, pride and love in his heart in his final moments, and I know he's probably looking over us, cracking a smile knowing that you're going to be okay." She said crying a little and I finally looked at her.

"There is no dignity in death Emily. You live with dignity, you die in disgust. Dying is awful, don't make light of it. He died, likely alone, definitely without any of his loved ones around him. He died, probably scared out of his mind, he died, doing a job he never even signed up for. He enlisted in the Army, then got sent over to the CIA, without him intentionally pursuing it, and got plucked for an undercover mission. He never wanted this. Did he want a normal 9-5 life, probably not, but he didn't want the life he had. He wanted to fall in love; he told me so many times, he wanted what Leo had. He died for his country yes, but in the end, what does it matter? What does matter if he never lived the life he wanted?" I asked crying and starting to yell; I wasn't really that mad at Emily, I was just angry with life.

"He did enjoy his life y/n, he enjoyed spending time with you, and Leo, and-"

"He saw us twice a year if we were lucky, don't, just- just don't Em. Go, go find Leo or Tristan or anyone if you don't want me to be alone, but I don't want you in here." I told her with anger in my voice as I turned my head to the side and grabbed my phone and started to text Tristan.

Emily walked with a frown on her face and right as she was about to leave my room, she turned around and said, "I love you, I will always love you, and I know that this is hard to hear, but right now, I'm angry with you, and I will listen if you need to talk, but give me a couple hours should that happen." Then she turned back around and walked out of the hospital.

I cried a little bit, I never meant to hurt her, but I know it's true what they say, hurt people, hurt people. I turned my phone on and texted Tristan:

Y/n: Hey T

Tristan: y/n, are u ok

Y/n: I dont think so... r u?

Tristan: no, is Leo with u?

Y/n: no I thought he was with u

Tristan: Damn it, okay I'll go out and find him

Y/n: ok I'll call him

I immediately called Leo and it went straight to voicemail, so I left a message saying, "Leo, I don't know where you are right now, or what's going through your head, but I need you to not do anything ridiculously stupid until you get back home or to the hospital, or preferably, go to Mom's house. Just please, this is hard on all of us, I know it's hardest for you but remember you're not alone. Don't go hiding tunneling down your thoughts, and please try to process what happening; don't pretend it's happening to someone else. Leo I love you, please just come back." Then I hung up my phone and looked at my notifications and saw all the missed messages I had, so I decided to listen through some of them:

Phone: You're inbox is full, you have 40 missed messages.

Oh god, I thought to myself, well not like I have anything better to do.

"Message one, 'Y/n, it's Penelope, are you okay, what's going on, why is the SUV stopped, please just answer your phone, okay? I love you.' Press one to replay this message, press seven for deletion"

I pressed seven, "Message marked for deletion, next message, 'Hey, it's Leo, where are you? I think he knows where you're going, you guys need to change you're route and go somewhere else right now! Go to the PD a friends, anywhere, just change where you're going and call me back please!'"

I shut off my phone and looked up at the ceiling, I must have scared the shit out of everyone, Leo's had to go through so much in the past few weeks, it's not fair, none of this is fair. After a few minutes I finally turned my phone back on and listened to a few more messages and deleted them all. After about five messages though, my face went pale white and I just stared at the wall in shock and replayed the message about three times until I was able to actually listen and process it.

"Hey y/nickname, its Scotty, surprise, I'm home on leave! I, uh, I miss you, and I know you won't be able to hear this for a while, but I, I had to hear your voice. You're like a little sister to me, I've been watching after you and teasing you and encouraging you, and watching you grow into the amazing mature woman you are today. I remember when you were a kid and started picking fights with people you know you couldn't beat, just to make see if I was still watching you. Of course I always was, and I always yelled at you because I always had to finish it. Although I'm glad you can fight your own battles now like the badass agent you are, I miss how much you relied on me. I just, I need you to come back, okay? I need you here. I need you to make fun of my beard and I need you to talk me out of getting stupid tattoos whenever I come home. I need you. I need my little sister back. So you stay alive until we can get you, okay? I love you."

Then the message ended and I was in total tears, I could really use Emily to talk to right now, but I ruined that. In all the years I've known him, I've heard him say I love you four times; that was the fifth. God I can't believe he's gone. I was sobbing for I don't know how long, until I heard my phone beep, and say a message from Leo, "I'm at Mom's with Tristan, I'm safe. Love you"

I looked up at the ceiling and let out a sigh of relief, and just like magic, the one person I needed walked through the door, "I'm sorry about earlier." Emily said as she walked up to my bed and looked at me, then the ground.

I lifted her chin up to look at me and said, "It's my fault, I lashed out at you. I am so sorry Em, I love you, and nothing will ever change that." I admitted as I looked lovingly into her eyes.

She looked back at me and kissed me softly, yet passionately and crawled into bed to cuddle with me. After a few minutes of laying there in a comfortable silence, I break it to say, "I went through my voicemails..." my voice started to break, "I found one from him." and I started to full on sob again.

Emily just held me tighter and said, "Oh baby, it's okay, it's all going to be okay."

I kept quietly crying and laying in Emily's arms until we both fell asleep from the mental exhaustion we've both been through the past few hours. I just wanted to sleep and pretend everything that's happened lately, didn't happen. 

a/n: I did say sorry earlier, but I'm sorry, lowkey cried writing this.