Love made Visible

XXXV. Gone.

Chaeyoung.

She's gone. I lost her completely. What's frustrating about it is, I don't know why and how it happened. All I know is she doesn't wanna talk, see or have anything to do with me anymore.

And I let her. I don't know if it's because of my ego or was it my pride that stops me from asking to know why she suddenly don't want me in her life. Maybe that's it, She just don't want me.

Me being with her was short yet it gave a huge impact. The hurt was massive as if I had broken up with a 10 year relationship. I know I do exaggerate things but it really felt that way. Who can blame me? I just lost a pretty angel who was never even mine. 

My head always hurts everytime I remember her. It hurts not because of her but because of overthinking about her. All the while I was drowning with sadness and my heart shattering into pieces, Sana was there to rely on. That weekend where I invited her and Mina, Mina said to Sana she have somewhere to go to. Still Sana went over so I cooked for her.

Having her around was somehow soothing. She have this lively aura that somehow radiates to you as well. It's never awkward even if I don't talk a lot. She certainly took my mind off things.

I was preparing the ingredients when I saw her staring at me while smiling. 

Me: yah! stop staring you're creeping me out.

Sana: what? it's just I didn't know someone can be so sexy just by cooking.

Damn Sana, you're as flirt as me. Just to correct that, she's more flirt than me. If Mina was here she'd tease me that she didn't know someone could be more flirty than me, that I finally I found my match. Damn this brain why do you keep reminding me of her. Stop Thinking about her Chaeyoung, she already did the same for you.

I brushed the thought of her aside and thought of something as I looked at Sana.

Me: come here. 

Sana: What? Why?

Me: instead of you just staring at me, come help me.

Sana: No, I'm good here. If you still want to have your kitchen in tact let me be.

I went over to her, took her arm and drag her towards the kitchen isle. I helped her with an apron. As I was doing that I get to see her up close. She's pretty specially when she smiles. I smiled at her for she looked nervous.

Me: don't be nervous. you're just going to cook. You don't look this nervous when you sang and danced in front of the crowd.

Sana: cause that was my dream. I'm confident with my talent. But this? I never have the gift in cooking. Mina, she can cook but not me.

Why do you have to mention her? uggghh. I decided this time with Sana will be different. 

Me: anyone can cook. Look at me. This is just simple.

I showed her as I pushed the rolling pin flattening the dough.

Me: see? it's simple. There's no right or wrong here. It's just you, the rolling pin and the dough. here, try.

I pulled her closer and put the rolling pin on her hand. I went around her and took hold both her hands. I felt her went stiff as I touched her hand. I just ignored it and guide her hand, pushing the rolling pin onto the dough. She was looking genuinely happy when she was done with the dough.

What's more funnier is after she's done with the dough she said wait. she washed her hands took her phone out and put it by the kitchen isle leaned it by a mug to help it stand. She focused her camera showing only our hands was and what were doing. She then drag me and told me to teach her again like how I did earlier. As soon as she pressed record I demonstrate again how I taught her.