Love made Visible

XXXVI. Miserable.

Mina.

It's been a week since I last messaged her. She message me constantly for 2 days but I didn't reply.

It's our rest day today. I told Sana I got to go somewhere but in fact I have nothing to do and nowhere to go. Since I have to go out, I went to a bookstore and spent some time looking for what books to read.

I just arrived home. I checked the clock it was just 8pm, I took a shower and changed into comfy clothes. I took out the food I've bought and began eating it. I took my phone and browsed my personal instagram checking what my family's been up to. 

I remembered to call Mom. She called a while ago when I was out and talked to her briefly. I was about to click the call button when a notification came from instagram. I checked the notification it was from our groups instagram account. I wondered who posted. Mostly its Nayeon unnie, Momo or Dahyun. I clicked it and waited patiently as the app load it. 

As soon I saw the post I felt coldness swept my body. I knew where it was taken. The caption was "Thank you for teaching me how to make a pizza." By Sana unnie. She posted a video of her making a pizza dough. I immediately recognized the kitchen's black cabinets at the background. I wasn't paying much attention to the video itself but when I did I got shocked. I realized Sana unnie wasn't alone at the video. A hand reached out from behind Sana and took hold both of her hands. The hand guided Sana in using the rolling pin on the dough. I looked closely and saw flower tattoos on the left hand. That confirm that it was Chaeyoung who was guiding her. 

I'm starting to feel annoyed again yet curious. So she taught her how to make pizza when she doesn't even want me in the kitchen. I swiped to the next picture which was also a video where Sana put the ingredients on the pizza. The next video was them throwing flour at each other. Then her squealing after putting the pizza in the oven. I can hear Chaeyoung's laughter. I smiled hearing her but that smile soon faded as I saw Sana unnie ran towards her and hugged her. 

I suddenly felt sad. I should have been there. Would that happen if I was there? Would she dare go behind her and teach her how to make a pizza? or would it that be me if I was there? 

Another notification interrupted my thoughts. Sana posted another one. This time it was a series of photos. A close up photo of the pizza, then the pasta, the beer, then a photo of them together by the table. Sana put an emoji on Chaeyoungs face. I noticed Sana was wearing a different shirt and pants which I havent seen before and her hair was wet too. So she took a shower and Chaeyoung lend her clothes.

The last photo shocked me. I can now feel that pang in my heart that I was starting to get familiar with. It was a close up photo of what appears like shes hugging Chaeyoung and their faces was so close to each other. Sana put an emoji but left out the lower part of her face. Her smile was visible, showing her adorable dimples. 

She seemed happy. Shes happy with Sana. Was she that happy with me? I put down my phone no longer have the strength to look at it.

That should have been me. Something throbbed in my chest that hurts so much like it's badly beaten. Tears started flowing uncontrollably as I curled on my bed hugging my knees feeling miserable as ever. 

I then heard a knock on my door. I glanced at it as It opened revealing Jihyo unnie. She came in and locked the door and hurriedly went beside me and hugged me. I cried harder as she held me close. It took a few hours before I calmed down. 

Jihyo took the soda from my table and let me drink it. Jihyo just looked at me.

Me: I can no longer see her unnie.

Jihyo: Are you sure about that. Would you be happy? 

Me: Im happy with what I chose...