Always

bonus chapter: Luca

LUCA

Carina fell onto her bed with a sigh, staring at the ceiling. Sitting down on her chair, I sent a sad smile in her direction. She grabbed a small stuffed rabbit, her eyes dilated and wide, body stiff and tense.

She took a deep breath in and asked, "Has this ever happened before?" Her voice was quiet, like a gentle breeze. I swallowed. All the grief came back to me as I thought of that day. 

She looked at me cautiously. I supposed my silence answered her question as she looked away after a while. "What happened?" Sadness was evident in her voice. After a hesitant pause, I started to tell her the entire story.

"Back when I was six, Amara, Layla and I were going to the mall with a guard and our driver. Genevieve was working and most of the others had come down with a stomach bug. We were going to get them hot soup from a little store downtown. 

When we went back to the car, our guard immediately ushered us in the car. He seemed in a hurry, and well, me being an idiot at that time, I didn't get what was happening. It was confusing and scary to me." Carina nodded, understanding what I was trying to say. 

"So, I'd started throwing a tantrum and refused to go inside the car. By the time I was finally bribed with the promise of ice cream at home, it was already too late." My heart felt heavier with every word I said. I sucked in a shaky breath and continued, knowing what was coming next.

"The person who was driving the other car had caught up to us and crashed into the side of the car. Right where Amara sat. I was so fucking scared. I remember screaming and kicking around, the rest is a blur." I stopped, processing all I had said so far. The last thing I wanted to do was relive that day in my head again.

I felt Carina's hand on mine. I was so caught up in my thoughts, I didn't notice when she'd gotten up and sat next to me. "Do you want to tell me what happened next?" I considered it. Did I want to continue? The answer came to me as I spoke next.

"I might've blacked out-"

"Naturally" Carina said.

"-because I don't really know what happened. The next thing I knew, I woke up in a hospital bed. Liam sat on the foot of my bed. When he noticed I was awake, he rushed out of the room to get the others and the doctor. Turned out I was in a coma for three days with a broken arm" I felt Carina's grip tighten on my hand. Not crushing tight, but comforting.

"Layla had to get a few stitches, but Amara suffered the worst." My voice turned into a mere whisper. "She had to go through a major brain surgery. All because I wouldn't get in the fucking car." I could feel a lump forming in the back of my throat. It was coming back to me all at once. Guilt washed over me again. Carina's eyes met mine.

"Look, it wasn't your fault. You didn't order the attack or knew what was happening. You were six, Luca. I'm sure the others have told you this as well. Don't blame yourself for it. And besides, it's in the past now."

I thought about what she said.

She was right. It wasn't my fault...completely. I till date couldn't shake the feeling that if only I had listened to what I was being told, the whole thing could've been avoided

"What happened next?" She asked me, her voice timid. "We went back home. Amara's surgery had been successful. But every night since we went back home, I'd used to get horrible nightmares. I used to wake up in a cold sweat. Screaming my lungs out. I used to imagine Alex and you there instead of Layla and Amara and it was fucking horrible.   

Genevieve called in all sorts of specialists to help me, but nothing did. Until I got Coco. He was Alex's bear. After you guys were taken away, mom had packed up everything of yours to not get constant reminders that you weren't here with us. She locked your room and no one ever went in there.   

Ace and I were going to clean up the attic to take my mind off the nightmares when I found Coco. He's about the size of my arm and really fluffy. He also smelled exactly like You and Alex. I recognized your smell of course, how could I not. It was committed to my memory. 

And that was that. I used to cuddle with that bear and it used to chase my nightmares away. Almost as if you guys were protecting me from my demons. Speaking of plushies, should we go give Alex the one you bought for her?" 

Carina nodded and happily bounced up and down before dragging me towards our connecting doors. Alex was awake, sitting up on her bed, eyes glued to the Netflix screen. Carina bounced over to her, and watched as she paused her show. I took a quick second to glance at what she was watching, and saw The Queen's Gambit flash up on the screen.

"Look what I got you. It's cute, isn't it? I thought you could cuddle with it and then we'll be close without touching." Alex examined the rabbit. Its white cheeks had a soft pink glow and its eyes were the bluest of blues. 

"I love it Cat! Thank you!"

Carina beamed up at the words and smiled happily at me.

"Well, you need to rest and then we can talk later when someone is not in the room." Two pointed looks were thrown at me as I overdramatically gasped, falling into a beanbag. 

"And here I was under the impression that I was your favorite. I know where I'm not wanted, so I must bid a tearful goodbye." I waved my hand like the queen, took a bow, and left. 

Today had its ups and downs. The sun will rise tomorrow.