Saving a School (boyxboy)

F*ck!

Daniel POV

Water was running down my back, over my ass and legs. The sound of the shower was hiding my panting and a whispered curse. Still too loud, I bit my wrist as I moved my other hand up and down. Ash was in the bedroom just behind the closed door, chatting about buying eyeliner and how he would look even hotter with that. He knew full well what I was doing in here and I knew that he knew, but I needed to pretend he didn't.

I was thinking of the party. The one Kim had thrown for us two weeks ago. My memory had gotten to the point where he put his hand under my shirt. I had been very high, so it was a bit jumbled, but it was better mixed with fantasy anyway. Like now, in my head, he was hard, and grinding against me. The though made my toes curl, and I didn't know which part - imagining him turned on or feeling the proof of it. Or maybe his actual voice, so typically not shutting up in the most unsuitable of situations, so now I'm imaging him with eyeliner and hooded blue eyes and I'm trying so hard not to make a sound, and... I can't... Fuck... Please please please, just your hand there and oh fuck... Please... Fuck... Can't...

At least I didn't imagine us actually doing it. One, I don't know what our positions would be, it is too scary to imagine. I feel guilty enough imaging what I do. Two, I never last that long, especially when he is actually there, in the other room, and as we are never apart that is almost always. 

I wasn't a moron and I wasn't in denial. I knew full well this wasn't part of the plan, or exactly straight behaviour. But when I'd told Seth back then that it wouldn't happen, I had meant it. I really had kissed a guy once before, and did not like it. And I could tell it was not the guys fault. I felt sexual attraction towards women and none towards men. Even now, when I think of the generic body I want to have sex with, I think of a womans body.

But the person I wanted to have sex with was Ashton. He turned me on because it was him, and while the idea of licking his treasure trail would make me pant, it's only because of him. Another man with the exact same body would do nothing for me.

And that was very confusing to be honest. Reading about all the self-discovery stories or hearing about them, how people discover they are gay after the birth of their third child, always left me wondering if they were stupid or if denial was the strongest force on earth, but well... I understood a bit now. Junior year I was straight, not in the closet or in denial, I really was straight. They say sexuality is a spectrum and may change in time, but... what the hell am I now? Heterosexual and demiromantic? Is that a thing?

But now its Ashton I want. And it's him I... the L-word. Not gonna think about, don't think about it, he still has that time capsule, don't fucking think about it. Funny how I could say it platonically just two weeks ago.

Hot water was running out and Ashton was gone from the room. I could tell from the silence. No way in hell he just shut up. I dried myself off, got out of bedroom and dressed. I was just finishing the last of my shirt buttons when Ashton crashed back into the room, exited and jumping.

"Dan, Dan, look, look!" I did. He was just in his jeans, his upper body bare, but his hair was already styled and his eyes were lined with black. Eyeliner and probably mascara as well. He was right, he did look hotter with it, and I could feel my mouth drying up.

"Nice."

"Can I do you?"

Yes, please. It wasn't that bad actually, the way my mind drifted, just a bit worse after those morning showers. "Did you do it yourself? And where did you get it?"

"What? No, Julie and Lizzie helped me, its theirs. But we can't go ask them again, I escaped before they put lip gloss on me." He moved closer, grabbing my face and looking at my eyes. "Too bad," he mumbled. "You'd look pretty with it."