OnlyUs

I Want You To Stay

"I think I want to leave." Alex pipes up from where he's sat on the couch, not planning to say what he was thinking quite so bluntly, but he can't take it back now. He got out of his doctor's appointment for his leg earlier this morning and things are looking well, things are healing properly and he's got another three to four weeks in his cast before he can move onto a boot, a knee brace and start some physical therapy. He feels like he should be happier with that news than he is. Really, it just feels sort of like parole. Sure, he's out of the plaster prison but he's still stuck in another way that makes moving like a normal human impossible. He shakes that thought from his head and goes back to his other thought, which is also a stuck one.

Jack comes out of the kitchen to talk to him face to face, "Leave where?" His tone is laced with a mixture of curiosity and confusion. Maybe a little bit of concern too.
Alex shrugs his shoulders, "Maryland. Why the hell would I want to stay here when I was literally taken for months and I wasn't far at all and it took forever to find me? I was basically in everyone's backyard and no one found me. Except that nice lady walking her dog who saw me in the window. Obviously I don't blame the world for not finding me sooner, it's not like I was let out of that basement often, but fuck. I don't want to be here anymore, Jack." He looks up at the blonde streaked boy. He looks sad and angry, yet content at the same time. He's very confused as far as his emotions go and he's got a strong feeling that won't change anytime soon, no matter how much therapy he gets.

"Where do you want to go?" Jack sits down next to him, figuring this is going to be a long conversation.
Alex sighs, "I don't know. Just away." He shakes his head, getting a bit emotional.
Jack puts his arm around Alex's shoulder and pulls him in closer, "We could go anywhere, you know? There's a place for us somewhere." He tries to be encouraging, and honestly he means every word he's saying. Wherever Alex goes, his every intention is to follow that beautiful boy.
Alex is silent, his head resting on Jack's shoulder. He's thinking hard about what he wants to say and how he wants to say it.
"Alex?" Jack asks after the long, somewhat awkward silence wondering why it's so hard for Alex to respond.
"Maybe I want to go somewhere alone first." The brunette says quietly, nervously.

"Without me?" Jack is hurt, his heart may as well have been ripped out and stomped on. There's the knowledge in his brain that's screaming at him how much sense it makes that Alex might want to be on his own to sort his own feelings out, but it doesn't stop the ache in Jack's chest.
Alex nods "Yeah...I don't mean that I want to break up with you Jack...God knows how much you mean to me and how much I love you, but I'm just thinking of myself and I'm scared that I'm leaning on you way too much. I make you come home if I'm scared. You've missed so much work because of me, when I'm the reason it happened in the first place. I knew he was dangerous. I knew he was going overboard, and I kept talking to him anyway."
Jack shakes his head, he doesn't want to hear any more about his boyfriend wanting to up and leave without him, "Stop. I'm going to stop you right there. I get if you want to be on your own. I get if you want to rely on me a little less. I understand that you feel like you need space to breathe on your own and get back on your feet by yourself. I get it. I do. Leaving me isn't going to solve that though...I can back off. I can stop doing everything for you. I can stop coming home from work if you don't like it that I do. One thing I have to say though is that you pin this all on yourself. It's not your fault Alex. He was sick. How many other people did you have following you who were just as out there as he was? A lot. They didn't hurt you, though. This guy was a sick, twisted monster and he got what he deserved. You didn't do this." He sighs, the ache in his chest only growing more and more painful, like an elephant suddenly dropped itself down onto his ribs, crushing his lungs.

Alex bites his bottom lip, tearing into the skin a bit.
"What if I just want to be by myself for a little bit with no one else around? What if I just want to be alone?" He gathers the courage to look up at Jack, and he regrets doing it. He can see the pain on his boyfriend's face, and he starts to feel that similar ache in his chest as well.
"What if I'm the selfish one here and I can't be alone?" Jack counters, looking at Alex.
That question hits Alex in a way that he didn't expect.
He knew that Jack had been rather traumatized by all of this too, but how not okay is he?
"What do you mean you can't be alone?"
It's then that the waterworks begin. Jack doesn't like to cry. He's not a crier if he can help it, but the idea of Alex leaving him again is his worst nightmare. It's almost worse in the fact that the love of his life actually wants to leave, rather than being forced away. At least Alex didn't choose that.
"Do you not think that I lost my shit the whole time you were gone? It's not just because I was so worried about you and what was happening to you...It's also because I got used to having someone who loves me around. I got used to not coming home to an empty house anymore. I got used to not going out to shitty bars with my friends in the hope that I'd bring someone home who meant more to me than a one night stand. I found you, and you changed everything Alex...And now you want to leave me. You're choosing to leave." He wipes his eyes, embarrassed over the tears streaking his cheeks.