OnlyUs

Too Much?

The coming weeks were hectic for the boys, its nearing the middle of June now.
Jack and Alex had both gone back and forth from New York to Maryland to get rid of the things they weren't bringing with them and Jack had accepted a new job at a really nice photography studio the next town over, Alex is still working on fixing his leg but he's walking without a boot on now. Standing up for too long makes him ache though, so he's taking everything slowly.
Being alone while Jack works isn't easy for him, but it's given him time to plan something for his upcoming birthday.

"Hey babe" Jack smiles as he walks through the door, putting his equipment down, flopping down on the couch lazily.
Alex returns his smile, joining him on the couch from where he was previously in the kitchen, two nice glasses of lemonade that he'd made in hand.
Jack takes his and sips it, "This is really good love, what's in it? Apart from the obvious." 
Alex shrugs "A little lavender and mint, I was experimenting a little bit. Turns out as much as I thought a little blueberry puree might go good in lemonade, I was wrong. It wasn't great. This though, this is good." He says contently. He fills his time brushing up on anything and everything culinary. He misses being behind the line so much, doing what he loves, being creative and making people smile with those creations.
Jack nods, looking at the little mint leaves, "I think this is my favorite drink you've made so far, honestly. I really liked the chocolate orange milkshake too, it literally tasted just like those chocolate orange candies. It was perfect. Any plans on dinner?" 

Alex nods "I was going to make some stuffed peppers, nothing big, nothing too fancy tonight." He sets his glass down and rests his head on Jack's shoulder, who soon sets his own down to put his arms around his boyfriend.
Jack presses a sweet kiss to the top of Alex's head, "How are you feeling today?"
Alex looks up at him "Tired mostly. It comes and goes in waves. Yesterday was good, today has been good so far but I just never know. The usual neighborhood sounds aren't bothering me anymore so much as comforting me in a way, so I figure that's progress. I called my therapist today too, and she seems pretty happy with the way I'm starting to come around to being a normal human being again. I'm just really tired. I try to not think about any of it, and then bits and pieces of it flash and it just hurts and takes so much of my mental energy to push it all back." He sighs.
"You don't have to push it back Lex, I mean obviously I don't know what it's like from your end, but I do know that I love you and I want you to feel better, I never want you to feel worse." Jack offers him that cute little close mouthed smile of his at his pretty brunette boyfriend.
"I know I don't...I don't really mean like, repressing it. I know what happened, it's always going to reside in the back of my mind, I just mean like, pushing it back enough to not let it cripple me. It's never going to do me any good to sit here and think about it so much that I send myself spiraling...I have to learn to cope. I have to learn how to learn to deal, or else I'm never ever going to be better and I want so badly to be better." Alex smiles at him, trying to reassure him that he really is okay. He honestly is just mentally tired. Jack simply gives a small nod in response.
"Kiss me." He adds in response to Jack not saying anything.

The two adjust themselves a bit on the couch, Alex moved himself onto Jack's lap, the younger's hands resting on the older's hips, noses nearly touching as they both lean in.
Alex makes the first move, pressing a sweet kiss to Jack's lips, amused by the way Jack lingers a bit hesitantly. He understands completely, but the caution is sort of cute to him. Jack was never cautious before. 
The Jack that he's imagining in his mind right now is the Jack who rage fucked him so hard that he damn near got his nose broken and got his back all carpet burned. 
The vast difference from then to now simply amused him a bit.
So he parts his lips, letting Jack know subtly that it's okay. That he wants to keep going.
He feels the raven haired one smile against his lips and it makes his heart flutter. Jack loves him. He's not damaged goods to Jack. He's still just Alex, and that's all he needs.
Their heads tilt to accommodate one another as their tongues dance slowly together, Jack's left arm now around Alex's waist, his right hand up between his shoulders, fingers just grazing the back of his neck whilst Alex's arms were locked tight around Jack's neck, one hand tangled up in his hair.

It's Alex that pulls back first when he feels the tension building up between them, his lips a bit kiss swollen and pink, "I love you." He says softly. He wants to go so much further, but he can't. He wants to finally let Jack just have him, and really fully be Jack's again, but he can't. It hurts too much to imagine.
"I love you too Lex." Jack smiles contently at him. He misses the sex. He misses the intimacy they used to have, but the fact that he's got Alex at all is more than enough for him. The fact that Alex is alive, and not buried in the ground somewhere or still missing is more than an orgasm will ever give him.

The two spend the rest of the evening cuddling together, Jack helped Alex cook dinner where really, he wasn't much help at all. He actually got in Alex's way quite a bit, but the fact that they were doing something like this together made it perfectly okay and quite fun for the both of them. 
They're getting ready to wind down for the night, laying together on the couch watching MasterChef.
"Do you want to take a bath with me?" Alex, who'd been nervous to ask that since he came up with the idea at the dinner table, looks up at Jack with a hopeful expression.
Well. That certainly wasn't what Jack expected to hear.
Alex's hopeful gaze is met with a smile in response, "I would love to." Jack says happily, keeping his voice totally calm and content but in his mind, he's screaming and jumping up and down for joy at even the sheer fact that Alex is thinking of doing intimate things with him again, even if it's just a bath and nothing more. It's more than enough for him.

Alex goes to run the water, door closed behind him while Jack waits in their bedroom to give him some space. Alex bites his bottom lip as he undresses himself. In a way to sort of procrastinate and also make this something special for the both of them, he looks through the cabinet for the perfect bath bomb, settling on a calming lavender rose one. He drops it into the tub and stares as the water goes from clear to a very pretty, shimmering purple shade. Perfect. Now he'll at least be covered up. 
He hates that he doesn't want to be seen naked anymore. He used to love being naked. It was freeing to him, it was him in charge of his own body and what he does with it. He used to especially love being naked around Jack.
Now the idea of anyone seeing him terrifies him.
Still, he's trying.
You won't get over it if you don't take the steps to try. He thinks to himself as he gets into the water first as soon as it's filled.
"Jack" he calls once he's in and his lower half is under the purple water.
Jack smiles a little and goes into the bathroom, smiling at his boy. He takes off his clothes and get into the tub behind him, legs spread so Alex can lay between them.

Alex takes a breath, closes his eyes and settles back against Jack's chest, nervous at first that feeling him might be triggering, but it's not. It's familiar. This isn't a stranger who's junk is pressed against his back, it's Jack. It's the man he loves. He takes a minute to let that fact settle into his mind, and as soon as it does, he's fully at ease. It's Jack. He loves Jack. Jack loves him. Jack would never hurt him. Jack wouldn't ever dream of it.
The brunette opens his eyes and tilts his head up to look at his lover, a shy, crooked smile on his lips that shows off one of his dimples. He's not sure of what to say, so he doesn't say anything.
Jack leans down and presses a kiss to his forehead, grabs the wash cloth, dips it in the water and just gently runs it over Alex's arms, shoulders and the back of his neck.
It's quiet, and it's nice. It's calming and it's more than either of them expected it to be.
The tiny lapse of anxiety has long since passed, the purple shimmering water calming them both. The sound of Jack's heartbeat against Alex's ear as he settles against his chest and the way that Alex is so relaxed that his breathing is slow and even, almost like he's asleep is the best comfort of all. 

The two stay in the tub until the water is cold, Jack gets out first without being asked, so that Alex can have his privacy. He dries himself quickly and goes into their bedroom to get his pajamas on. 
Alex has other ideas. Not sex, but he wants more. He gets out of the tub, drains it, dries himself and wraps his towel around his waist before going into their bedroom.
Jack raises an eyebrow just slightly at the sight before him. Sure he's seen Alex naked since the entire event happened. Someone had to help bathe and shower him when he couldn't do it on his own, but to have Alex willingly like this is new. It's refreshing, and it's got him curious. Still, he stays silent. After all, you wouldn't yell at the doe in the forest who's looking at you with each breath you take. You'd scare it off. The last thing he wants to do is scare Alex off.

Alex keeps his back turned to Jack as he looks through the dresser drawers, dropping his towel when he finds the underwear he wants and bends slightly to put them on. He knows Jack is looking, he can feel it, and he likes it. He wants his boyfriend to look. He wants that attention and he's in control. He's got full power over this and he's thriving on the feeling. He's going with it, despite the nerves.
He turns around to face Jack, smiling a little at him as he joins him on the bed.
Without a word, he turns to his side, facing Jack. He places his hand on Jack's waist, running his hand underneath his shirt and resting it on his chest. He can feel Jack's heart rate picking up and he almost wants to laugh but he won't. 
He leans in and presses a kiss to Jack's lips, not waiting for Jack to linger or hesitate as he parts his lips and lets himself take control, his tongue finding his way into Jack's mouth, so internally amused by Jack's confused yet excited demeanor.
It takes a moment for Jack to process before his tongue is dancing right along with Alex's yet again in a loving, yet somewhat heated kiss.

The shock sets in when Jack finds himself slightly propped up against the headboard underneath Alex. His eyes trail up Alex's body, allowing the brunette to remove his shirt for him. Is this happening? What the fuck is actually happening? Do I stop it? Do I let him keep going? What the hell do I do? The thoughts race in his mind, and he's incapacitated. He doesn't know what to do, but he sure as hell doesn't want to stop.
A small gasp escapes his lips as he feels Alex grind down slightly against him.
This is not happening.
Alex's lips crash against his again.
Oh god this is happening.
His hands find their way onto his lover's hips, his thumbs pressing in a bit, eliciting a low moan from Alex's lips and dear god Jack could explode right there from that one sound alone.
Alex isn't even sure what he's doing at this point, but he's going with it. It feels good and it can't be bad if it feels so good can it? 
His hands tangle into Jack's hair, another little moan into Jack's mouth as his thumbs are pressed into his hips again. That feeling sends shivers down his spine. 
The adrenaline kicks in for the both of them as the good feelings take over, the friction as they grind together is nearly too much. Alex wants more, he wants so much more and the need is intensifying, which scares him a little. He comes so close to ripping Jack's pants and underwear off and just getting it over with, but getting it over with is not the way he wants to do this. So he keeps on what they're doing now. Their tongues tango, they lose all control of themselves as they move together in perfect harmony, gasping and panting for air as the orgasm they both needed so badly is released in the way of loud, unexpected moans and sloppy hip thrusts as they ride out the high. Alex lets himself sort of collapse on top of Jack, nestling his face against his neck, eyes closed as he focuses on catching his breath.

Jack rubs small circles against Alex's back, staring up at the ceiling, wondering where in the hell that came from. He's certainly not complaining, but it was definitely a surprise to say the least. 
The only noise in the room is their heavy breaths as they come down from the high, and that's okay with them both.
After what feels like an eternity, Alex sits up and smiles a little, cheeks flushed, a light sheen of sweat gracing his pale skin. He's beautiful. 
"Sorry" He whispers.
Jack smiles, "Please don't be sorry." 
"Was that too much?"
Jack shakes his head "It was absolutely not too much Alex. Was it too much for you?"
Alex simply shakes his head as a response as he gets up, a bit wobbly as his head spins from the rush of it all. He grabs himself some new underwear and goes into the bathroom to change.
Jack smiles, gets up himself and changes his own underwear and pajama pants.

He lays back down, waiting for Alex to come back.
So much of his time waiting is occupied with him worrying that Alex will regret this and get into a bad headspace because of it. He hates that of all things, that's what he's thinking about when he shared such a much needed intimate moment with his fragile boyfriend, but he can't help it. Every thought of Alex having a panic attack over this is flooding him and it's making him panic a bit himself, wondering if he should've stopped this, but then Alex would've felt rejected and is that any better than him possibly regretting what they just did? 
The uncertainty has his head aching and he needs Alex to come back into this room right now and settle some of this unease in any way possible. A kiss. A cuddle. A smile. Anything.

After another eternity of waiting, Alex returns to the room all cleaned up in some new underwear. He stops long enough to get himself in some pajama pants and a shirt before joining Jack again.
Without any thought or hesitation, he cuddles himself up close, laying his head against Jack's chest. He relaxes with a small, content sigh as he reaches for the remote and puts MasterChef back on, "Your heart is pounding." He comments.
Jack nods, "Yeah...It's just been a while since anything like that has happened." Honesty is the best policy, right? He's hoping Alex doesn't take that the wrong way.
"Yeah...I know. You're okay though right? I didn't freak you out?" Alex asks, adjusting himself a bit to look up at Jack.
"No, I was a little surprised but not freaked out. I didn't want to stop and clearly made no effort to if that makes you feel any better...Did it freak you out? Did you want to stop at all? I'm sorry if you did and if I missed a cue or something to stop and just--" He's word vomiting and once again, Alex is finding himself rather amused.
He cuts Jack off with a swift kiss "Shhh. No. I didn't want to stop. I promise I would've made it well known if I did. I love you. I just...I felt like I wanted more. I was nervous, you know. When we were in the tub. I was afraid that I wasn't going to like being naked and all pressed up against you like that, but I did like it. It was familiar and it felt nice. I almost wish you would've tried something in the tub, but I understand why you didn't. I might've freaked out if you had. So when we were done...I don't know. I just felt like I wanted more...and honestly, I wanted to take off all of our clothes and just do more than what we did...And I almost said so, but I thought that I just wanted to get it over with, and I don't want to just 'get it over with'...I want it to be special and I want to make sure that I'm ready for it...So I didn't say anything and just kept on with what we were doing...Just..." He shakes his head, smiling "It felt great. It was so nice. I promise you, you did perfectly. I wanted this and I'm glad that I went through with it. Your orgasm face is as cute as I remember it." He adds with a smirk.

Jack blushes a bit in response, "And yours is just as hot as it's ever been." He kisses his nose.
"Good, glad to know you still find me hot. I wasn't sure if you did or not." 
Jack makes a face and he's not sure if it's shocked, confused or just a weird mix of both. It makes Alex giggle a little.
"Alex, there is not one moment where I haven't found you hot. I mean dear god have you seen yourself? Believe me. You're hot." 
The serious, yet sweet, and sort of funny way Jack is so adamant about how hot he is has Alex laughing, "Okay, okay. I'm hot. Thank you." He manages to get out through a little fit of giggles. He's having a hard time understanding what's so funny about all of this, maybe he's having a mental breakdown, but he can't stop laughing, so Jack joins in on the laughter right along with him, entertained by Alex just losing it.
A weird moment of pure laughter over absolutely nothing passes and all Alex can think to do is kiss Jack and get himself comfortable again.
"I swear, these people don't know how to cook. MasterChef my ass. David so could've turned that puff pastry into so much more than just little mini pies. The fuck is a mini pie anyway." Alex rants, as if nothing happened at all.
Jack raises an eyebrow at him "Goodnight Lex. I love you." He smiles, kisses his head and closes his eyes, holding his boy close to him.