Alone {Jenlisa}

Jenlisa

Jennie POV

I woke up to someone cuddling with me, then it hit me I remembered Lisa said she's going to stay with me today.

After yesterday I feel happy, uneasy, and weird.... like now that everyone knows, they are going to always be watching me, like my behaviors which is kinda weird, now I see why they call people attention seekers because when they find out, your the center of attention, which as a kpop idol is worse, especially when people you know is watching your every move for a negative reason.

My heart started beating faster than ever right now, I don't know what happening, I think I'm having a panic attack.

Why why-

My breathing sped up, maybe it was because I'm afraid of how everyone will be.

Will they treat me differently
Will they treat me like a kid
Do they secretly hate me for this....

I sat up on the bed trying to calm down but I can't think, now that they know and the manager is going to know or probably already does I can't help but over think everything.

I started crying because my breath was slowly getting taken away from me.

"Breath"
I was stuck.
"Breath Jennie, listen to my voice."

Who was talking.......

I looked over and Lisa was holding my hand and rubbing my thigh.

"Jennie count to 5." Lisa said, I listened.
"O-" I lost my breath
"One...." breathing heavy.
"T-two"
"Keep going don't think of anything but those numbers." Lisa said.

My heart started to slow down at the comfort in Lisa's voice.

"Three."
"Four...."

I took one last breath
"Five." And I sighed.

My breathing went to normal.

Oh god I woke Lisa up with my dramatics
I'm so stupid.
"Jennie are you ok what happened." Lisa ask worried.

"I'm sorry, it was nothing, please go back to sleep, I didn't mean to wake you." I said.

"Jennie." Lisa said in a stern voice, sexy too.

I looked to her in the eyes she tapped her arms around my stomach pulling me in.

"Stop saying sorry for something you can't control." She said.

"I can control it I was just being over dramatic that's all, it was just this time." I said trying to convince her.

"That was not being over dramatic you were basically suffocating, Jennie when will you stop trying to make everyone believe that you ok?"
Lisa said.

Which caught me off guard.

I mean I am ok right, nothings wrong, I'm just letting my emotions get to me, I know it's wrong to do these things so why do I still do it?
That means I'm not ok right?

I feel dumb.

But she's right I'm not ok and I need to except that.

"Fine, I just had a panic attack because I'm an over thinker and I feel like if I tell everyone everything I will be a burden to you guys, which obviously I am, but if I keep talking I might say something that I feel and not mean, that's why I say I'm fine and ignore me because I don't want y'all to worry. I'm sorry."